Opinons please!!! I'm torn.

I think it's pretty normal for your friend that doesn't know anything about your life or relationship to ask "if you're sure" about it. Especially, when that person hasn't talked to you in years, and the first impression she gets of your FH is negative...because of you. It doesn't sound like she disrespected your relationship, it sounds like you did. You can vent all you want but you have to realize that people will form opinions based on what you say. It's only natural. I don't know why you haven't talked to this person in 4 years but that's not someone I would include in my BP, regardless.

You are a little under a year from your wedding date. Why don’t you ask her (and her SO if she has one) to join you & FH at something. That way she can meet him & see how y’all get along in general.

If she doesn’t know him or have any insight to your relationship, I can understand that comment. As for the invite/bridal party invite, if I had not spoken to someone in 4 years they would not be in my bridal party.

If you haven’t spoken to her in a couple of years I’m not sure I would ask her to be in my bridal party. I understand it can be frustrating for a friend to base their opinion of your FH off one interaction; but if that’s all she has to go on, that’s what she will stick with. Try inviting her to hang out with you guys so she can get to know him better.

If the first thing she's heard from you in a while is relationship complaints, it's the normal thing a friend would do to to worry-- obviously I don't know how the conversation went but she may have had no way of knowing whether this is a one-off blip or whether you've been feeling dissatisfied with your relationship ever since you last saw her. I really wouldn't take it too seriously, if someone you hadn't seen in a long time started complaining about their SO you wouldn't be at fault for assuming it was an unhappy relationship without context!

Maybe spend some more time with her before making a decision on whether she should be a bridesmaid. Get your connection back and win her over on your relationship before putting yourself through a stressful decision!

If her first impression is totally negative, this is absolutely understandable. I like my friend's fiance, but when they first got married, all I heard was the venting stuff too. I wondered about them as well. They're all good now. But at the time I wondered if they were gonna make it.

This is a normal reaction and also why you shouldn’t talk to other people, friends and family, about your relationship issues even these little things. Just be mad and get over it, but don’t discuss it with other people - everyone bickers and has bad days. She doesn’t know your fiancé and the first thing you tell her after years of not speaking is something negative. I think you gave her a bad impression on him, it’s not a matter of her being unsupportive.

Thank you for all you your responses, it really cleared up my mind and took a lot of stress off of me, I have been mentally fighting this for a while! after all your responses I think I will not include her in my bridal party but will seriously consider inviting her based on her responses when we talk it over. Thanks guys!

It's normal and ok to feel torn. this is one of those tough decisions we all have to make at times. But for this, from what you've told us, I would definitely not make her a bridesmaid. Not because of her question--that's probably due to the fact that she doesn't really know your FH, and the one time you talked about him, it was a vent session. If that's all she has to go on, then of course she might question it. But that's your fault, not hers.

You said you haven't spoken to her in over 4 years. Then why would you ask her to be in your bridal party? That honor should always be given to your nearest and dearest. I get that she was a friend to you during some really rough stuff in your life. But people grow apart. You should not feel guilty about that.

As for being a guest, if it were me, she wouldn't make the cut there either. Our guest list is pretty tight, and because of that, we're basically cutting out anyone we haven't seen or talked to in a year or more. It's a cost issue more than anything else. And a wedding isn't supposed to be a class/family reunion. Only the people you are closest to in life should be there to celebrate with you.