Opinions and frustration.

This is a tough one. I think because your parents are paying they feel more obligated to insert their opinions and "suggestions". I think you need to make it clear that while you are grateful and appreciative for their help in paying, this is your day. When you look back on it, you want to know that it was the day you envisioned and that is was special because of what you and your FH wanted and not everyone else. You should stress that what they want is not going to make you happy on that day. All parents want is for their kids to be happy. Play that card!!

This sounds frustrating, and can understand completely! I would maybe sit down with your parents and have a more in depth discussion to get their attention. If that doesn’t work, maybe tell them that even though they’re technically paying, you’d still like to have things done the way you prefer. Let them know their opinion matters, but if they feel that since they’re paying you have to do what they want for the wedding, then I’d consider taking on some of the finances Yourself. You shouldn’t have to compromise what you dreamed of having if they offered to pay. Best of luck!!

Oh my goodness, me too!! My dad keeps getting on my case about not having a bridal party. He doesn't understand how that is going to "work." My parents are very judgmental about how we are doing things. We are paying for it ourselves but that really doesn't help. Their attitudes just stink. I'm letting my mom pick out the cups for the bar and favors and/or welcome bags so I'm hoping that gives her something to focus on and have control over.

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Thank you Tonia! I think I'll have a conversation with them about trying to be more open for FH and I to choose what makes us genuinely happy. I know that they would only want for us to be happy. I hope they come around and stop being a little less opinionated! I just feel like it's only going to get worse the closer the wedding gets, ugh!

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Thank you Ceelie! I think having that conversation with them will be really helpful. I hope they understand, lol. They have been very opinionated and it seems to only get worse as the wedding date gets closer. I agree, I don't think we should have to compromise the wedding that we've dreamed of! We are planning to pay a big chunk of the wedding (about 15,000) , so I feel like our opinion matters too!!!!

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I'm sorry you're going through that Allie! It's very frustrating! That's a good idea to give your mom something to be in charge of. Same with my parents...their attitudes just stink! I know they are excited and happy but the way they bring up certain things frustrate me. We are helping out with a big chunk of our wedding, as far as vendors, about $15,000. I just don't think it's fair for them to throw their opinions at me as if we're doing everything wrong, ugh. I hope things get better for you!

I would stop sharing details with them and tell them you want guests to be surprised with what you both have created together.

However, sometimes money comes with strings. Sit down with your parents and ask what they request or expect with their financial gift (you can consider not accepting it if too many strings attached).

Don't tell them decisions you've made that you know they won't like. For example if you aren't having a garter toss and you think they'd disapprove then don't tell them. If they ask about it act as if you are having one, and when the wedding comes and you don't, I guarantee they won't even notice. The BEST way to limit opinions is to not offer up information for people to have an opinion on.

I would tell them, "I know you're probably excited for the wedding, but this is our day. I won't be sharing anymore details because the number of questions have started to stress me out. If you can't respect my wishes then we cannot talk until you do".

Because your parents are paying I think you need to be open to their opinions. However it does sound like they're just stating their opinions and not forcing them on you. I think you just say "thank you for the idea, but we already plan to do x". It sounds like they are still allowing you to do it as you choose.

This is tough because I'm in the same boat (but it's so early in the process for us). My mom gave me great advice: find a nice way to put your foot down and don't change your mind just because it's what they want.