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Dedicated February 2020

Opinion: if you decide to elope, don't do a post-elopement party

Little, on July 11, 2020 at 6:35 AM Posted in Planning 0 15

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I was really happy with my elopement. I would do a small wedding or elopement again. I would maybe even invite a few people to my elopement whose company I enjoyed, and not worry about offending anyone. My husband had people in his workplace who wanted to celebrate after the fact, so I would have thrown a work party.

I don't know if it's just 2020 or what, but when my husband and I talked about throwing a party on Facebook, our families acted downright bizarre. Just ignoring it or acting passive aggressive? It's like they're showing us how much they can ignore us to embarrass us. I didn't even think there was a risk of this happening, or I wouldn't have said anything. I wish I would never have brought it up, because even if they're at this party, they will make sure it's painfully awkward.
If I'm honest with myself, we have sabotaging personalities in both of our families. That's a big part of why we eloped. I will say that people have gone crazy in 2020 and are super aggressive over nothing. It's not good energy to bring to something that's supposed to be a blessing for us. I think people should keep in mind if they're getting married in 2020 that people might act kind of funny.
It's just kind of a bummer. "Princess for a day" is all well and good, but not if only a few people in the family are allowed to be the princess. I had one relative on my husband's side who never congratulated us but gets mad if I'm not constantly upvoting the fruits of her womb on social media. I'm so over it lol.
The good news is, my husband is helping me with this party and the guest list thing and promises me that the whole thing is going to work out. Bad news is, even if it works out, I just don't want to do it anymore. I thought I was being considerate by reaching out to family, but I now have no reason to want this party. It's gonna suck! Lol!
The idea of a post-elopement reception is kind of promoted by various websites as a way to "make sure" people won't get offended. However, I'd like to hear from other people who eloped: was having a reception a good idea, or is it only a good idea in theory?

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Jana, on August 1, 2020 at 2:19 PM

VIP May 2020
Jai · on July 11, 2020 at 6:43 AM
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Personally I can relate to this so much. My husband's parents are very rude & opinionated, and so are several members of my family. We had a small micro wedding with 7 people in attendance May 16and a reception afterwards with those people at our apartment. Originally it was gonna be 92 people at a venue. I'm glad plans changed because small is what I wanted. Like you and your hubby, we were considering an after party / vow renewal but the way his parents,aunt, and my aunt reacted to us having a 7person ceremony, we decided against it. Too much negativity.
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Dedicated February 2020
Little · on July 11, 2020 at 6:49 AM
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Small weddings are awesome! That sounds like fun!
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VIP May 2020
Jai · on July 11, 2020 at 6:51 AM
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It was! I would do it all over again too. Eloping just you and your husband sounds so intimate. I noted that so many more people are doing smaller weddings (pre covid and during). So worth it.
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Dedicated February 2020
Little · on July 11, 2020 at 7:00 AM
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I agree! I think it's the way of the future!
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Super November 2020
Mindy · on July 11, 2020 at 8:09 AM
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I can only speak as a guest to a few of these, but I really enjoyed having the opportunity to celebrate with the couples that did these. I understood that they didn’t want or couldn’t afford a big wedding and let’s face it, I wasn’t in a position to fly or drive to their ceremony locations at the time.
I’m sorry that your family is being less than stellar about this. Is it your immediate family or extended family that’s causing the drama? If it’s extended, then maybe their invite just gets lost in the mail.....unfortunately there is always going to be someone who is offended or not happy with how you do things. At the end of the day, surround yourself with the people you want there and have a good time.
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on July 11, 2020 at 8:37 AM
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That’s a good question. We’re planning to elope and not have anything afterwards. We want to keep our parents as safe as possible as they will most likely be the only guests, and FMIL is immunocompromised. We will have to make sure we keep our distance and possibly wear masks still for part of it. Hoping the weather is nice and we can safely distance outside. 🤞
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Devoted July 2020
Christina · on July 11, 2020 at 10:00 AM
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I’ve been to elopement receptions and I think their a great idea. Of course I want to celebrate my friends marriage and gift, but understand why the ceremony was small. I think elopemnts are going to become more popular in 2020.

Side note. I wish, strongly wish that I had brought a plane ticket to a island and gotten married last year. The stress of planning a wedding vs. a party is so different. Have your party girl, do it up and live it up ! You deserve it
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Devoted August 2020
Niki · on July 11, 2020 at 10:12 AM
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I’m so sorry to hear your family has been so passive and rude. I’d be upset too. Right now the world needs kindness and understanding of how this pandemic is affecting people. I think y’all did the right thing by eloping. Have your party later girl! This is YOUR marriage so don’t let anyone else’s opinions or actions affect you.

I’m seriously considering having a tiny wedding ceremony & postponing the reception until next year, or when COVID isn’t so bad.
I wish you all the best! ❤️
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VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on July 11, 2020 at 10:30 AM
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We eloped, and I could not imagine not having a repeat ceremony with our families there. We literally eloped - it was us and our officisnt/husband's best friend. If nothing else I want a small wedding with our families. I just want the full experience, not this insanity that was a stressful sad quick elopement we did just for insurance and to keep our date. I want good memories - everyone else got to be a bride, even on a small scale, so it may be selfish but I want that too.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on July 11, 2020 at 10:37 AM
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It sounds to me like you are not feeling the party so I would cancel. Honestly, I am doing an intimate ceremony with two friends and it is much less stress to plan and as long as things stay open I can splurge and treat them to dinner on a rooftop canopy with food and drinks plus the view of downtown and the Tampa Bay. I thought of a post party but now I do not think I wanna invest the money ha ha but girl I have plenty of family I do not mess with and I sure as hell would not invite them just because, Blood does not make you family. If I were to have a post celebration it would be mostly friends most likely. Have you two considered canceling?
Marisa, I am not doing anything afterwards so you are not alone in that.
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on July 11, 2020 at 10:44 AM
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Don’t get me wrong, I would love to celebrate! Given the current Covid climate I am feeling that it’s unsafe for anyone, and especially those who are immunocompromised. That’s why we’re planning a larger celebration next year.

And very true about family...there’s plenty of family that I am not inviting. We are just keeping it to immediate family and close friends. That’s more important to us and so far everyone has been accepting as far as I know, and if they’re not that’s their problem lol
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on July 11, 2020 at 11:07 AM
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That's good to have something larger next year. I will try to convince FH to have some of our friends over to our house for a game night maybe post ceremony. Something chill ya know? We can do something with out families over the holidays when we see them lol.
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Dedicated July 2020
Britteny · on July 11, 2020 at 3:25 PM
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Your definitely not alone we are doing it as well in fact this Friday ..a small ceremony and a small dinner under 20 with cake cutting, champagne toast and photographer... don’t worry about anyone else this is yours and your husbands time and day. Blessings to your union 🎉🎊❤️
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Dedicated February 2020
Little · on August 1, 2020 at 9:06 AM
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Thank you! Everyone, love your ideas btw. Definitely wish I had a few friends present, but my photographer was a friend of mine, and she really made our day! If I did it over, I would have had two or four other friends.
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Master October 2022
Jana · on August 1, 2020 at 2:19 PM
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Do what works for you. Traditionally when couples eloped (with no guests) they would send out announcements to everyone they knew immediately after the wedding and call it a day. Maybe that is what your families are expecting you to do based on the reactions/responses they are giving?
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