Open Ceremony/private Reception

I retract my statement after re-reading the post and apologize OP.

What you have planned is perfectly fine.

I think what has been suggested here before is, for your church family you would post it in the bulletin only. Then anyone who wants to come can come and you can follow the ceremony with a short celebration in the church. But I wouldn't send invites to those only going to the ceremony.

Yea no. I don’t think this is going to go over well. Someone’s feelings WILL be hurt.

I understand your reasoning, but this seems super rude. The reception is to thank your guests for coming.
Maybe do a lunch reception (sort of like what you already have planned) at the church. Then do an after party that evening with your close friends and family. But don't include the after party info on your website or invitation, just personally tell those you want to include. That way your church family doesn't feel like they're banned from the reception.

There is no breach of etiquette in inviting church members to witness the ceremony and enjoy light refreshments, and not including them in the later reception.

People who immediately suggest it's rude, may not understand that a church is open to its' members 24/7, so technically they can't be excluded from any wedding.

The notice of the wedding is often published in a church newsletter or announced by the pastor. The church members do not receive the invitation sent to the rest of the guests, unless they also happen to be close friends of the couple and are invited to the later reception.

What you have planned is perfectly acceptable per etiquette. Guests are invited to the ceremony and the reception - held at the church, cake and punch. Everyone is able to attend the cake and punch reception so no faux pas etiquette issue.

I would not invite people to one or the other. They usually come with gifts and what not and your gift to say “thank you for being here” is the reception. I know it sucks because you truly want these people but maybe can’t afford it but the right thing to do would be trim your guest list and invite your guest to attend both.

Don't send an actual invitation, to anyone who you don't want to host at the reception. If it is customary to post wedding announcements in the church bulletin, program, bulletin board, website, etc or to have a pulpit announcement you may do so without the expectation of hosting members at the reception. Also, if community members hear about the wedding by word of mouth and choose to show up at the church you aren't obligated to host them either. The important thing to remember is to not extend a personal invitation by mail, verbally, email, text, etc. Anyone who is personally invited must be hosted at the reception

This CAN be an etiquette issue. First, you don't invite any church people. You simply allow a bulletin notice. No formal invitation at all to your church family.

Every person who is invited via invitation or word of mouth by you MUST be invited to both the ceremony and reception. This is where the breech in etiquette could occur. You can't pick and choose who to invite to the reception because the reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to the ceremony.

I think this is the best way to include everyone in your wedding ceremony without them feeling like they've been slighted, as you've said. I'd do what PPs said and just announce the wedding ceremony in the bulletin rather than doing invitations to all. Only send invites for events that are not open to all.

I would say this is fine as long as you don't formally invite the people only invited to the cake and punch. I would just put it in the church bulletin and spread via word of mouth, as others have stated. I know this kind of thing is common in the Catholic churches where I grew up. People go to the ceremony because they want to see the couple get married, but don't expect an invite to the reception. I think you're even going above and beyond with the cake and punch.

Ok. So it seems like the key is not to send out any verbal or written invitations to anyone not invited to the formal reception. That makes sense. I could see it getting really tricky by sending out two separate invites. I think I was trying to be sensitive to our church families, but I think sending out a "special" invite could come across as disingenuous.

I recognize people who want to be offended will be offended regardless. This is more so us trying to do our part to be respectful of a group of people who have been a part of the village that has helped shaped us into the people we are today.

Thanks everyone for your advice and opinions. Baconater apology accepted. You definitely had me like .

Hi Jasmine,

I know this was a few years ago but my daughter (who is marrying our pastor's son) is facing the exact same situation, They are inviting the entire church to the ceremony and expecting around 300. We are trying to offer a nice church reception at the afternoon ceremony with cake, punch, and light refreshments. The sit down dinner after is for wedding party, family and close friends. May I ask how yours went? Any suggestions to make it successful and a beautiful reception for both the church family and private reception to follow?

Thank you! Mother of the bride

View Quoted Comment Because the post is so old and previous posters are no longer here, you will get a more accurate response if you start a brand new discussion.


That said, what you are describing is very commonly done at weddings of this type. Though some couples and their families choose to serve cake and coffee and call it a day. Some may have dinner and dancing for a smaller group that is a separate event held at a different venue. That works too.

View Quoted Comment I agree you will get more feedback if you start a new thread as the original poster is likely long gone. That said, the protocol is this is fine if announced in a church bulletin and the ceremony is open to the congregation. You would not, however, properly issue individual invitations to a ceremony without an invitation to the reception or to a tiered reception with an A list and B list.