Open Ceremony & Private Reception?

This issue has come up countless times. While many of us will say, "No way...you can't invite people to a ceremony and not host them with a reception", it's generally understood that a couple who regularly attend a church on Sundays, mid-week, and are recognized members of a large congregation are actually in a different situation than the conventional bride.

In some churches, It's quite customary for a pastor to announce the upcoming wedding of whomever -- in this case, Brianna and her future spouse. It is not unusual for the congregation to be invited -- via word of mouth (not a formal invitation) or in the church bulletin -- to the wedding, but not the formal reception. I know, sounds odd, but believe me, lots of these congregants would be offended if they weren't invited to the wedding.

However, in any case in which a couple is opening their ceremony to the congregation, it is polite to offer your non-reception guests some form of refreshment on the church premises, and that happens right after the ceremony (while your formal guests have moved on to a cocktail hour at the reception space). That typically means, soft drinks, coffee, appetizers, and a cake. This means the couple will either have to do their wedding portraits before their ceremony or lose an hour of their reception.

Honestly, I dislike the whole idea and I think it really skates on the edge of proper etiquette, but I know it's done every weekend of every year.

Nope. Cut the guest list and invite everyone to both the ceremony and reception.

No, you need to thank guests for attending the ceremony. So if they are not invited to the reception, the is not considered good etiquette.

Anyone invited to the ceremony needs to be at the rehearsal.

If the reception is private, then the ceremony is private. This only works with a very private ceremony and a more open reception. Tell your church friends the wedding for close friends and family only.

For church weddings that are announced in the bulletin, it is common to have people attend the ceremony and not the reception. I don't believe you actually invite them though, it's a public event that they are welcome at. Invitations should only go to those who are invited to both the ceremony and reception.

I'm on board with @Rachel and @WED18. We attend church regularly and I know a lot of people would be hurt if we didn't invite them to the ceremony, and they would understand why they weren't formally invited to the reception. If you work at a church, this makes it even harder to not have an open ceremony. I think it would be ok in this scenario, but only send invitations to the people invited to the reception. ETA: This adds to the long list of reasons we are having a DW. I couldn't deal with the stress of feeling obligated to invite people from the church.

I understand completely because you can have hundreds of members and can't accommodate all of them plus your family and friends. I would say this though be careful if you invite anyone from the church to the private reception and make sure they are close to you or just don't invite anyone. But really our friends should be those we fellowship so you probably will have a few you want to come. Otherwise it will make people feel some way so think about that. And make sure to have some type of refreshments after for all your guest following the ceremony. I dont see a problem with it my own pastor did it lol.

I understand completely because you can have hundreds of members and can't accommodate all of them plus your family and friends. I would say this though be careful if you invite anyone from the church to the private reception and make sure they are close to you or just don't invite anyone. But really our friends should be those we fellowship so you probably will have a few you want to come. Otherwise it will make people feel some way so think about that. And make sure to have some type of refreshments after for all your guest following the ceremony. I dont see a problem with it my own pastor did it lol.

This is acceptable, but I agree with Rachel where it skates on the edge. That's more my opinion (and hers too). If you do this, after your ceremony provide cake and punch for your church guests (for an hour or so) and then your reception after. You don't send invitations to everyone, just those invited to the reception. Then have your pastor make an announcement to the congregation about the ceremony and cake and punch.

There is only one situation in which this is acceptable; the situation that WED18 and Rachel described. And the congregation doesn't get invitations; it's in the bulletin or announced.

And no, no one gets invited to the rehearsal except those who rehearse.

When ever I see this come up, and it does come up about once a week, I really wonder who these people are who have hundreds of friends or church communities that are so invested that they would go to the wedding without really knowing you. My personal church has about 50 members at the moment and I don't even know all of them (and I was a pastoral assistant there for seven years...) I think in a lot of cases the people asking this question overestimated the level of interest of the giant groups they're inviting....I know it's compelling to think we are all so beloved, but but I wonder just how accurate that is.

I'm not exactly on board with inviting co-workers in any case...it's a rare co worker relationship that transcends /out lasts a job when one leaves.

This happens quite frequently in my circle although its not an issue for me. I was in a wedding like this though. The bride sent out formal invitations to her personal guestlist. The church announced the wedding and posted it in the bulletin. Lots of church members attended. She grew up in the church. After the ceremony we did cake and punch in the church fellowship hall. Then moved on to the reception venue. It was no big deal as its what we/they are use to. Listening to proper etiquette on this one would have you accommodating 50- 100+ additional guests.

I agree with @rachel. This is popular in our church. I wanted to do it but my mom wasn't feeling it. If you plan to marry on Friday, I would have a cake and punch reception after for all that attended the ceremony then have a bigger party(reception) Saturday for close family and friends. Just know that not everyone will be able to attend both days.