Open bar & service tipping from bride & groom

I know that there was a service fee charged at the venue where my daughter's wedding was held, but we pretty much ignored that when it came to tips.

I prepped separate envelopes for each of the two bartenders, and each member of the kitchen staff that worked our event. The coordinator at the venue gave us the names of everyone who would be working our event so I could personalize a thank you along with their tip.

We asked the event director what the appropriate tipping was at daughter's venue (there was a service fee, but it was specifically described as "not a gratuity"). It was a 100 guest, Saturday night, open bar set up. She suggested $100 for each bartender (and $50 for each valet, $100 for the bridal attendant who literally followed daughter around all day to make sure she never wanted/needed anything, and she suggested that whatever we wanted to give to the waitstaff that we give her the total amount and she would distribute it as "some of the staff would definitely work a lot harder than others..." [I think we gave her $300 for the waitstaff]). We put cash for each payment in a separate labeled envelope and gave them to the director at the rehearsal.

How much of that service fee is rationed? Cause if a big portion of it is then I wouldn’t think you need to give more

View Quoted Comment The catering manager didn’t specify - she just said a portion of it is distributed to them

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Thank you!!

View Quoted Comment I would ask for a full break down so you could know exactly how much

Ask your venue if the “service fee” is the same thing as gratuity. Some places they just use “service fee” synonymously to “gratuity” but some places it’s a totally different thing. We had a 21% service fee but were told that was just to pay the waiters’ wages, NOT tip. So we tipped an extra $30 per server.

Oh also I’d just like to add, make sure you tip in cash! My brother used to be a server for an event venue, and if the hosts added tip onto the credit card charges or via check, he and the other servers never got a penny. They would only receive their tip if it was in cash. I’m sure not all venues are like that but unfortunately that isn’t uncommon... so just tip in cash to be safe and make sure your servers get paid fairly

Our venue made it explicit that tips were included in the price, so we did not tip. Our guests may have tipped when they ordered, but it was a very specific line item in the contract.