Skip to main content

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Lisa
Beginner September 2020

oot guests but can't afford welcome dinner

Lisa, on September 27, 2019 at 2:01 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 19

Sorry if this is long & I'm rambling, but I could use input from you ladies! My FH and I have about 50 out of town guests travelling to our wedding (mostly my family, about a 2hr drive). When we first got engaged and were overwhelmed at how much a wedding was going to cost us, I was totally on board with not throwing a welcome party and hosting everyone for food & drinks the night before. Our plan was to have a small rehearsal dinner with just our parents, siblings, MOH and best man at a restaurant that is meaningful to us. Now that plans are actually underway, I'm starting to feel guilty that we are asking people to pay to stay at a hotel for our wedding and not inviting them to welcome dinner. Granted, there is no 2 night minimum, so if people want to stay just the night of the wedding (Friday night), they can. My FH thinks we can spread the word that if anyone is also staying on Thursday night, we will go to a certain bar after we are done at the rehearsal dinner and they are welcome to join (to make it clear we will not be hosting). Is this considered rude? I want to be able to spend as much time as possible with those who are making the trip for our big day, but we just really can't afford to host any extra events like a welcome dinner or day after brunch.

19 Comments

Latest activity by Jeanie, on September 27, 2019 at 10:04 PM
  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I don't think it's rude at all. After all, you are hosting everyone at your wedding!! To be honest, I never even heard of a "welcome party" until I started reading these forums. So, I know it's not something that is required. I guess it's a nice thing, if you have an unlimited budget. But weddings are expensive, so you can't be expected to host your guests for two parties. If out of town guests want to come in early, and stay two nights, that's their choice. It doesn't mean you have to host a party for them. Anyone who can't afford to do that, or doesn't want to, won't.

    • Reply
  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I don't think that's rude! Weddings are expensive enough and I dont think many guests expect to be treated to 2 meals in weekend from the couple!
    • Reply
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    No, it’s not rude unless you’re sending out formal invitations and making it seem like a hosted event. I would just sent a text or let people know via word of mouth that you’ll be at xyz bar if they’d like to stop by.
    • Reply
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I also don't think that's rude. it'd be a good chance for people to catch up with you if they want to.

    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Not rude at all. We are planning on doing a rehearsal for the bridal party, parents and us. After we are going to go one of 2 places that is within walking distance to see our guests for a few drinks. We are just going to let everyone know by word of mouth.

    • Reply
  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    It doesn't seem rude to me at all. Like PP said, just let people know where you'll be if they'd like to join to catch up before the big day. Welcome dinners in my opinion are more about spending time with those out of town guests anyway.

    • Reply
  • Rhianna
    Devoted April 2020
    Rhianna ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    We were originally going to have a welcome dinner, but when we looked at the list it was basically like hosting the wedding reception the night before out wedding because it was like 80% of our list. We've opted to only have a rehearsal dinner with close family and bridal party. I think letting your guests know that you'll meet at a bar afterwards or maybe the hotel bar would be a great idea and we are thinking of doing this as well. I don't think it's rude at all. I've traveled to weddings where there was no welcome dinner and I wasn't offended at all.

    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Not rude. There’s no obligation to host all the OOT guests the night before, just as there’s no obligation for them to travel early. We hosted a welcome reception for everyone (late drinks and snacks) but skipped a rehearsal dinner (and rehearsal!), so that was a nice way to keep costs low and visit. I’d be perfectly happy paying my own way and hanging out at a rehearsal dinner ‘after party’
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Welcome dinners aren't necessary, so you should be good!

    • Reply
  • Catherine
    VIP November 2019
    Catherine ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I don't even know what a welcome party is ... But i don't think its rude. If you can't afford it your guests will understand. You're being kind asking them to join you if they are around.

    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Beginner September 2020
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    Thank you!! this is exactly what I want to do, I'm not sure why I feel so weird about it

    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Beginner September 2020
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Thank you all for your input so far, I really appreciate the reassurance!

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP August 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    I've been to many oot weddings and have not been to one welcome party. It's not something I expect or would be offended if the couple did not have one! I usually use the "night off" to go try a restaurant near where I'm staying! Definitely don't feel guilty! Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    This is exactly what we did. We had a ton of people travel for the wedding and put the word out that we would be going for drinks at a bar after our rehearsal dinner (and said that this would be only for people that had to come to the rehearsal and partners when people asked). We had a great time seeing everyone and really really appreciated getting a chance to catch up before the wedding. To host something similar we were looking at a few thousand dollars which wasn’t in the budget. My advice would be to look into bars that have different rooms that aren’t necessarily for renting. The place we went has a downstairs that is completely open to the public and can’t be rented from 8pm onwards so we basically all just gathered there after 8 and it was perfect!
    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    That is not rude at all. It will give you a great opportunity to spend time with everyone before the wedding.
    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment

    If it helps we ran this idea by my FFIL since it would be mainly FH's family that will be coming into town the day or so before. He said it sounded like a great idea without having to spend an arm and a leg for the family to get together. So that made me feel good about the decision!

    • Reply
  • Aleaj
    Expert October 2019
    Aleaj ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Welcome dinners are another expensive bill and aren’t necessary. For my out of town guests I’m giving them a welcome bag and I’ve invited them to attend the bachelorette, we’re having a house party so if they want to come join us they can!
    • Reply
  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    No, not rude. And, honestly, for a 2 hour drive I wouldn't even be getting a hotel that night if I were a guest.

    • Reply
  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I don’t consider two hours to be a destination wedding, so I wouldn’t even have considered this. Inviting people to the bar sounds like a reasonable thing to do and not rude at all. Just don’t stay out too late drinking the night before your wedding!
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

WeddingWire article topics