Emly
Expert June 2020

One Piece of Advice for New Brides

Emly, on October 17, 2019 at 9:32 AM Posted in Planning 1 19
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If you had to give a new bride one piece of advice as she starts her planning what would it be? I'm coming up to a year of engagement and planning and I have learned A LOT of lessons the hard way and i wish someone would have told me these things before hand.

My tip may be a bit unconventional but it is to buy your dress pre-owned. I know that buying the dress is like one of the biggest parts of the process, and you can still have that special experience and buy a pre-owned dress. Dress regret is a REAL thing and I've been though it way to many times and spent way too much money on new dresses. If i would have known about some of the pre-owned sites before I would have searched for that designer dress i fell in love with at the salon and saved myself upwards of $1,000 in the process. I bought my slightly used, bustle already included, cleaned and preserved Maggie Sottero gown that retails for $1,200 for only $200!!! (I mean no offence to anyone who's budget fits buying a brand new gown, mine did not and I could never fathom spending anything more than $300 on something I will only wear one time.)

Bonus tip about wedding dresses is not to worry so much. All of the previous dresses I bought were because other people loved them. I was worried about being sexy for FH but also modest for Grandma but not too over the top for my rustic wedding. But what about me and what I want? People are going to love you and think you're beautiful no matter what so just focus on what makes YOU feel best and most comfortable.


Whats your piece of advice?

19 Comments

  • Cyndy
    Master May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    The biggest piece of advice I would give is to do things YOUR way. Everyone will have an opinion about everything you do and it becomes overwhelming. We had a fairly small wedding (55 people and only and MOH and BM) and I kept lots of things to myself. I didn’t want to have to please everyone because it just causes too much drama. Good luck.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Rockstar December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    I would probably say have a small wedding and pamper the guests more! FH and I wish we stuck to our original plan of a courthouse wedding instead of this large church one we're planning now!

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  • Ivy ORP
    VIP October 2019
    Ivy ORP ·
    • Flag

    My tip would be to make sure you plan together. Some people make excuses for a lack of interest or contribution, especially from men, but I find this to be excusing bad behavior. Your partner does not need to have all the same interests, but should be involved in the big things. I would not have made it through the planning process if my wife had not been involved and supportive. I truly believe planning a wedding is the best way to glimpse your future as a married couple.

    That and stop trying to compare your life to overly filtered posts on social media. This is not a Hallmark movie! DIY unique is way better than overpriced cookie cutter.

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  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    Look for gowns unconventionally - I looked for a general white gown that I liked, wasn't labeled as bridal but it looked bridal and was way cheaper

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  • W-K
    Super October 2019
    W-K ·
    • Flag

    If you're on a tight budget, keep it simple and lower your expectations. Don't focus on things being "perfect" focus on them being "good" and you will be 100% happier.

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  • M
    Savvy May 2020
    Michelle ·
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    You, ma'am, are a genius! This is such great advice I hadn't even thought of! I just Googled "long sleeved white lace dress" and so many dresses popped up that are exactly the look I'm going for. For 1/10th the price of similar bridal dresses! I'm taking this & running with it. Thank you so much!
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  • M
    Devoted January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    Take some time to figure out what is most important to you and your future spouse. Then, prioritize those items (with money and time and effort) and leave the rest. There is so much that is unimportant in the great wide world of weddings but Pinterest and social media will try to convince you otherwise. If you focus on your own actual priorities, values, and bank account, it's easier to ignore the static.

    Also, keep the planning between the two of you as much as possible. So much less stressful and easier that way!

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  • Taylor
    Super October 2020
    Taylor ·
    • Flag

    1) NEVER let the bridal consultant during your dress appointment give your guests free reign and pull gowns without looking at the tag. Choose styles out of your comfort done? Sure. Out of your price range. NO MA'AM! Here I am now with a dress that was several hundreds over my budget. I love it so much but if you have a strict budget don't let them talk you into this. I was so mad.

    2) Come up with a guest count and stick to it. Once you've maxed out, you've maxed out. If you don't do this you'll be stuck in the "Oh it's just one more person... it won't be a big deal" mentality and then you're 60 people over your original max. That's So.Much.Money.

    3) Stay true to what YOU want. In the midst of wedding planning, people become very opinionated. They'll give you back handed compliments and make snide remarks about how you choose to do something. IGNORE them. It will save you so much headache.

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  • Catherine
    Super November 2019
    Catherine ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    This is definitely great advice. you FS should absolutely be involved with at least a good majority of the planning.

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  • Catherine
    Super November 2019
    Catherine ·
    • Flag

    My advice would be to live within your means. Have a modest budget that you can afford and absolutely STICK TO IT! we had a budget - 10-15k. i wanted more on the 10. he wanted more on the 15. and i can honestly say trying to please so many people and give the best we spent too much in some areas and not enough in others. Do what you want and what makes you happy - but don't break your bank.

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  • Kayla
    Devoted November 2020
    Kayla ·
    • Flag

    I would say have a longer engagement. FH and I are saving a lot more and getting the wedding we want by being engaged for two and half years. We were also able to take advantage of some 2019 pricing for our 2020 wedding because vendors hadn't set their prices yet, but wanted our business.

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Devoted April 2022
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    Get 👏 a 👏 planner 👏

    or at least a day-of coordinator! My best friend had a small, low-budget (30-ish guests, $10k) wedding and even then, it was next to impossible to pull off because there wasn’t a planner or coordinator. We (the bridal party) had to spend days setting everything up, keeping track of everything, running around like crazy, hosting the entire cocktail hour, shuttling things and people between venues, and cleaning up afterwards. It was stressful for us, and it was stressful for the brides. Cut corners elsewhere and make space in your budget for at least a DOC. It’s worth Every. Single. Penny.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Trust me, you'll find some super bridal looking gowns and it'll cost a fraction of what a wedding dress costs aha. It can even be something like a white bridesmaids dress or a prom dress or an evening gown. Boxing yourself into something specifically bridal raises the price and limits the search.
    Lulu's is a good resource for this. I actually got mine off of forever21 aha.
    • Reply
  • K
    Beginner October 2019
    Katherine ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I definitely agree with this. FH and I are in a similar situation, small wedding (about 45 people) with only the MOH and BM. Almost everyone except my parents and a handful of friends are traveling from out of state, including the MOH and BM. As hard as it has been sometimes to not share some of the exciting things we planned or made, it has made it easier for us not to have the input and opinions from a lot of different people. Plus it makes it a bigger surprise for everyone when they finally get to the wedding and are seeing everything and hearing about it all for the first time. Do what makes you and your FH happy, it's YOUR wedding.

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  • C
    VIP January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    Don’t stress the small stuff/details.
    No one will notice them.
    I stressed about so many things, but once I realized no one willcare but me, I stopped.
    To go along with that, once you make a decision STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT DETAIL!! Don’t keep going back and restressing. It will be perfect, promise.
    As long as the key components are taken care of (food, beverages, tables, chairs, music if some sort) the rest is extra and nice to have.
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Super August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    If you don't remember it (or really liked it) from someone else's wedding, it isn't important (to you).

    For instance, I do not remember anyone's linens. I don't look at them, I don't focus on them... and so my reaction to linens was: "...Our colors are red, blue, and purple. I don't give a !%@$ about linens." Our venue coordinator suggested white with purple napkins about 3 days before the wedding. DH and I looked at the pictures she included, okayed it, and moved on. Do not spend hours agonizing over something you will not remember/do not care about. Save that energy for the things that matter TO YOU.

    Go to pop up stores and sample sales for your dress. I got my Kleinfeld Maggie Sottero dress for $199 at a pop-up sample sale, and it was exactly the one I'd been looking for. Had to spend some to alter it/give it some TLC as a sample, but it still ended up being 50% off the retail price... before alterations.

    Also, don't share your plans with people who are not directly paying/helping you. I barely talked about the wedding with anyone, ON PURPOSE. I vented here, with a friend also planning her wedding, and a tiny bit with my wedding party/family/coworkers. I kept the latter part super tiny, because I did not want my relationships with them to become only about the wedding. Honestly, I found these forums super helpful that way - everyone on here WANTS to talk about weddings! Go wild!

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  • Caitlin
    Dedicated September 2021
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    Have the wedding that YOU want. I was in the wedding of a good friend who had a lovely wedding, but did not have the one she'd always dreamed about because her parents paid for the entire wedding and basically planned it all for her. I saw it in her eyes as she practiced walking down the aisle at her rehearsal that this is not what she wanted, and it broke my heart. That is the biggest lesson I have taken into my own engagement: NO ONE is going to have any input on how we do our wedding but us.
    • Reply
  • Amanda
    Super June 2020
    Amanda ·
    • Flag

    My advice would be keep an open mind.

    Don't go into this journey thinking narrowly. Open your mind to options and be flexible. It's easier to bend with the wind than it is to break with the storm.

    • Reply
  • Kari
    Devoted May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    I was super determined to get a pre-owned dress but went to a boutique for the experience and to get a better idea of styles, fabrics, and fit before buying a dress online sight unseen. The dress I liked the most at the boutique was $1,400 before alterations (so would have been close to $1,800 after getting it fitted, hemmed, and having a bustle added). Fortunately I did end up finding a dress on StillWhite that I love for just $430 shipped (it originally retailed for somewhere between $2,000-$2,400). I like it so much more than any of the dresses available at my local bridal store, and it fits me perfect as is, zero alterations needed.

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