So one of my bridesmaids foresees herself getting engaged to her boyfriend in the near future (yay!!) and casually mentioned to me a few weeks ago that she’d like me to be her MoH when the time comes. I’m super happy for her when it happens, and I’m flattered by the possibility that she’d pick me, but based on the way she’s been absent for my own wedding coming up, it’s weighing heavily on my mind.
I’ve known her for almost twenty years and I’m a social event planner for work, so this is my bread and butter - I get why she’d want me to be her MoH; but pertaining to my own wedding, I had expectations of my 4 bridesmaids that she hasn't been present for. I needed them to communicate with one another to settle on a dress style, reserve a hotel room at the location we’re getting ready in (none of them live locally), and if I had a shower or bachelorette party, I expected them to be there! With being part of a wedding comes expenses, but from the start I stressed that I wanted their involvement to be as financially respectful as possible, so I was transparent with a budget range; it is far below than most other bridal parties. Other than those expectations, I haven't been a needy bride!
When I first got engaged I started a group chat to get things moving because we all live in different states and one is in a different country. When they were discussing dresses, she muted the chat the moment she was added and didn’t contribute to the convo. Later, when my own MoH was discussing what to do for a bachelorette party, she continued to remain silent in the group until they figured out the details before she confirmed the weekend worked for her. With the exception of the one who lives out of the country, the 4 of us had everything planned since July for our mini trip coming up in February!
Now this last week of December she told me she will no longer be going because she planned a vacation with her boyfriend for that weekend instead. I feel extremely hurt because while she lives with her boyfriend and sees him every day, there are many vacations to be seen in her future, but I'm never having any other wedding-related events again. It doesn't feel like a party with just three, and on top of this, she made this trip before to attend a different friend's bachelorette party when she wasn't even standing in their wedding! At this point I just feel so discouraged because if I wanted her only commitment to be to show up to the wedding, I would have just sent her an invite.
So it brings me to this issue of being her MoH one day...I love her, but how can I dedicate my future time and effort into her dream wedding when she couldn't give a fraction of her time for mine? I feel like I'm being used.
