On-site babysitter

I'm following this thread. I should think about this for our event too.

Not many parents will go for a stranger watching their kids. If you talk to them and ask their opinions they may actually be fine with it. You can even find someone and let them know you're unsure if they'll be needed and talk to the parents and let them talk to the proposed sitter. They may still not be OK with it though. But it's a really nice thought!

I tried to do this for most of DH's family. His parents threw a fit and said no the kids needed to be at the wedding. I still hold a bit of a grudge on how my IL's acted. But I digress. The couple that did bring their 1 y/o and left him with the babysitter we hired had a blast. We were lucky enough to have a baby/toddler room at the church that we were able to use. It couldn't have been better. His parents tried to pick him up at cocktail hour and he cried until they brought him back to the babysitter and toddler room. Some people aren't comfortable with people they don't know babysitting, that's one consideration. The other would be the room the kids would be in, is it childproofed to the level of the youngest child? Any allergens? Etc.

We're doing it. All the parents I've talked to are excited about the idea too - they dont HAVE to take the kids to the sitter after dinner, but if they're getting bored then mom and dad are free to so they can have some fun without having to keep an eye on a bored and cranky kiddo.

Something else to consider: there is a toddler that will be attending with a disability who will definitely need to be watched by her parents. I wonder how the other parents with young children might react to this allowance.

I wouldn't require it. Personally, I would never leave my kid with a stranger no matter how much the person paying said stranger endorsed them.

I asked my sister if she would like this (my nephew is 2) and she said that she would not take it up even if we offered and paid for it. She is super protective of her son. So talk to the parents.

We considered hiring a babysitter and/or having activities at a kids table, but when I spoke with some of the parents, they said the kids would be fine and would enjoy dancing. The parents were right! The kids had a blast! We had ages 4-16, with most being 4-12.

Ask a few of your guests what they might prefer.

Btw, all of the kids at our wedding were well behaved and had a great time.

If kids are invited, they attend the reception. That said, it's nice to have a babysitter available and leave it up to the parents if they would like to send the kids. But you can't invite children and then send them away.

I would talk to the parents before hiring anyone. I also would pose it as an option rather than a requirement.

Following

I do want clarification on one thing: are you telling them they have to use your sitter or is it an option for those who want it? If I was told I had to do it, I would probably not bring the child. If this was a family wedding and my usual babysitters were going to be in attendance, that would mean I'd either leave early or not go at all.

I guess it depends on the parents, but I couldn't imagine wanting to shuttle my child off to another room during the ceremony. I'm not a parent, but would like to think I would know and trust the people I decided to put in charge of my children. What if some kids don't want to leave the wedding after dinner? That is quite possible. You could see some hissy-fits from kids who were at the wedding, but then being told to leave before their parents. I don't know..

I think having it as an option rather than a requirement is a good idea.

I am wondering why they are allowed during dinner, but then you want them to leave. I would personally just have all or nothing. They come or they don't.. I think making them leave after dinner is kind of odd. How would you enforce it ,make an announcement that its time for the kids to go? It just kind of seems awkward all around.

My cousin offered one and had about 6 kids, who ended up with the babysitter, with 150 adult guests. Local guests hired their own and many didn't pay to fly the whole family, to attend. I know of one toddler who flew cross-country and two kids from Asia. They ate with their parents and were with the babysitter during the ceremony (outdoors) and after dinner. The dinner was served outside and you can't make a mess of grass. Dancing was inside a smallish building, where the child care room was located.

We only had 4 of 250 invited adults (225 attended), who cited childcare issues. One couple couldn't find a babysitter, given 10 months notice; another couple boycotted. P.S. My mother's family has been hosting adult only weddings, since the late 1960s.

We are hiring my nephew's preschool teacher and her assistant. Would that be an option for you?

My mom is hiring a couple of her friends that are kindergarten teachers as an optional accommodation for our guests with younger kids. We'll have a "kid area" with games and activities. Most of the kids know each other so I think they'll have a blast hanging out being kids and the parents will enjoy having someone to help keep an eye on them.

The way my family has handled young kids at weddings in the past is that one parent (usually the one not blood-related to the newlyweds) takes them out during the ceremony, or arrives with them after the ceremony, and they hang out at dinner then get taken out early at the reception. I've honestly never heard of having kids at the ceremony but not the reception.

We worked out a compromise for our wedding that's as flexible as we can make it: childcare provided onsite during the ceremony and cocktail hour, special kids' meals served there (we're working with parents to get things even picky eaters will eat). If there's interest we'll extend the babysitting services throughout the reception so parents can take the night off. Kids welcome at cocktail hour and reception, whenever parents want to pick them up really. And if they want to follow family tradition and have one parent stick with the kid instead of dropping them off with the sitters, at least they have a fun room with toys to hang in and some helping hands.

This was a compromise that we worked hard to reach. Many of our VIPs have young kids and we wanted to make it possible for them to come and have a good weekend. But "screaming toddler tantrum" is not the backdrop we want for our vows, or for the rest of our guests' comfort. And it's an outdoor ceremony, with the building about 100 yds away. There's no way to whisk howling kids away quietly and quickly.

Just replying to this now...was busy all weekend.

To clarify, I wouldn't force my guests to use the babysitter. My reasons for hiring a sitter are to talk with my friends without their kids distracting them. Also the DJ might get a bit loud for kids. I personally don't like kids in general.

I'll definitely talk to all the OOT parents to see if they would even consider attending since it costs $$$ to fly the family and stay at a hotel...if so, and they don't want anyone else to watch their kids, I won't need to go through the hassle or expense of getting a sitter.

Thanks for the helpful advice!

I was once hired as a babysitter at a wedding and I didn't really feel like it helped the families that much. The parents wanted to dance with their kids and bring them around at the reception. The kids also knew that their was a reception and they wanted to be part of the action! Also, most parents want to eat with their kids to make sure that the kids are actually eating. I pretty much just entertained the kids for the hour before the ceremony and when pictures were being taken. I ended up being sent home 2 hours earlier than expected. Luckily I had negotiated a payment for the job, and not an hourly payment. If the kids are at the venue, they will not stay in the "babysitting room".

We did it for a baby shower. It went great!