Older Guests Who Shares Our Save The Date/invitations on Social Media... Help!

(Iʻm born & raised on Maui!)

Oh aunties and uncles!! I am so sorry. My (former) MiL invited all of her besties and friend groups to our wedding and always needed more invitations until finally I just had to put my foot down. Thereʻs no easy answer here as obviously itʻs super cultural to share everything, especially the exciting stuff like weddings!

Do you feel these people are actually inviting themselves, like do you think they will show up on the day-of? Or is it more phishing for an invite/sending congratulations?

Use COVID as the excuse for why only close family can come, and then definitely talk to auntie about sharing!

I hate address that issue in a very bold manner. Very straightforward. I’m not nice about it, nor am I mean about it. But I am very stern about it. If you tell them to not do that in a very stern manner, they should listen to you. But don’t be too nice about it because they will still do it anyway.

"Hi, Auntie XXX, I am so glad you got our STD and are excited about the wedding! But please do not publicly share details with people we have not invited as that puts us in a uncomfortable position as we can not accommodate any additional guests. If you have any questions about who is/isn't invited, just let us know!"

View Quoted Comment I agree with this wording!

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This wording is great. Many older folks come from a time when entire circles and families were invited, not just a small guest list.

Don’t blame this on age - these people are out of line and rude, it has nothing to do with age.
My grandmother who lived to 100 in 2020 would never have dreamed of doing this sort of thing.

If you are social media friends with them and see these on their posts, I would comment on every post they made of your Save the Date.
“Oh wow! How awkward seeing this personal invitation go public!”
They need to be told to stop this behavior and those who have access to your personal invite need to know it is just that ... a personal invite. Commenting publicly on these posts takes care of the situation.

My FH's grandma told a lot of people about our wedding. He had to tell her that it was fine if she told people, but if they were planning on coming it would cost them $220 a head. Once he explained that we were already over our estimated guest count and how expensive it was, she stopped.

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Yes for sure being firm about our guest list has been our top priority! It's just so difficult when my FH has a HUGE family (he has 16 siblings), and also since I come from a culture where a 500 person wedding is considered "small". The people that shared our wedding information definitely assumed that everyone they know (that I also know) is invited, and the people who have reached out to us because of that have definitely assumed that they are invited since they received that information even if it's not directly from me. Since most of these people are associated with our parents, I have straight up told them that if their friends and extended family members show up unannounced, they won't be getting a place to sit or any food, since everyone has assigned seating and plates.

Right now I'm definitely using COVID as an excuse to limit the amount of people, but our wedding is going to be next year so things might change. Lol.

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This is a really good response. Very straight-forward and firm. Thank you for your suggestion!

View Quoted Comment This is perfect

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Oh man!! I feel for you!! My 150-person wedding was considered "micro" here. Definitely a "well so-and-so invited me so itʻs cool" feeling Iʻm so sorry! Stay strong and firm!! Tell ʻem no can bring their lawn chairs or packed lunches either!

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I also agree with this wording! It's nice and to the point!

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I like the words you used here, need to save this for future use. Thank you.

View Quoted Comment Perfect wording! 💯