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Just Said Yes May 2022

Old friend wants invite to wedding

Karina, on April 22, 2022 at 2:01 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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Hi Everyone,

I need some advice. Someone who I considered to be my best friend in high school (we’re now 28) messaged me the other day on Facebook asking why I hadn’t invited her to my bachelorette party. I’m not having one but I was confused as to why she’d message about that. Turns out she saw another mutual friend post about their friend’s bachelorette party. That friend just happened to have the same name as me. So I responded back saying “Oh I think you saw *Mutual Friend*s post. I guess her friend is having a bachelorette party and we have the same name.” She responds by saying that I was right and she was confused. Then she followed up with “I hope I get to be there when you do get married.” I was honestly surprised because we hadn’t had much contact in 10 years aside from the occasional ‘like’ on each other’s posts. I guess you could say we grew apart. Went to different colleges, did our own things, etc. How should I respond to her? Do I invite her even though I never thought to?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs.evans, on April 25, 2022 at 11:55 PM

Devoted April 2023
Lucy · on April 22, 2022 at 3:21 AM
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You don't have to invite anyone you don't want there, friends or family.
The fact you haven't seen her in person in years is a valid reason.
"though I never thought to?": the answer is obvious when I see this.
"How should I respond to her?" You could blame the venue capacity and/or your budget. If she doesn't know how large your fiancé's family is, you could tell her he has say, 16 blood uncles an aunts, 27 with their spouses, boy(girl)friends and, say, 25-30 first cousins (or whatever numbers that fits your situation) so in addition to your family and local friends , "unfortunately we don't have room to invite more people".
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Super October 2023
Kelly · on April 22, 2022 at 7:35 AM
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I don't think you have to say anything if you haven't spoken for 10 years. You certainly aren't obligated to invite her. If she asks why, you can just tell her the truth.
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Super July 2022
Shannon · on April 22, 2022 at 8:50 AM
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That is bold of her. If she considered you a close friend, she should have kept in touch. Liking posts isn’t keeping in touch. I would be honest with her.
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Dedicated October 2022
Josie · on April 22, 2022 at 4:39 PM
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You don't have to invite her, you don't even have to respond to her. If you do respond, you can say something like, "we're only inviting people we're currently close to" (but you really don't owe her any explanation). I think unfortunately social media gives the perception that we're still friends with someone because we get to see so much of their lives, when in reality we haven't seen or spoke to some of these people in years. Real friends will actually keep in touch with you personally and vice versa. Remember, it's YOUR wedding and you are under no obligation in invite anyone you don't feel like inviting. I think it's presumptuous of her to assume she's inviting to your wedding and even crazier that she actually messaged you about it.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on April 22, 2022 at 9:28 PM
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Don’t engage with this conversation. Shut it down because if you and/or they wanted to maintain the friendship, you both would have done so, and they have no right to pressure you into anything as far as an invitation. They can congratulate you but that’s where the line is drawn and anything past that is overstepping.
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Devoted July 2021
Gillian · on April 22, 2022 at 10:52 PM
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There is zero obligation to invite. In terms of what to say, I think you should stick to exactly what you have said here/the truth.

You mentioned that you were surprised and that you’ve grown apart. I would say something with that effect.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on April 23, 2022 at 4:48 AM
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That's a huge nope. Don't even respond.
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VIP October 2022
Mrs.evans · on April 25, 2022 at 11:55 PM
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If you dont to invite no one if you don't want to to your wedding and you said that you haven't to her in 10yrs wow. Just let her know that we are cap at our venue count and or just tell her we cannot fit anymore ppl to this list. It's funny how ppl who haven't spoken to you in years all of sudden hits you up out of nowhere. I have some family and associates just want to eat,drink for free. I haven't invited some family and other ppl who asked
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