K
Just Said Yes August 2020

Okay to put married name on return address?

Kaylie, on January 2, 2020 at 1:45 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 19
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My husband and I did a courthouse wedding last summer and are doing a traditional wedding next summer.

So legally, hubby and I share the same last name, and I bought a nice stamper that has our last name and first initials. Is it weird to use that stamp on the STDs and invites?

19 Comments

  • Amber
    Rockstar February 2020
    Amber ·
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    I don't think that's weird at all if you're already married. Just be sure your guests are aware of it and that you're having a vow renewal, not a wedding Smiley smile

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  • Sherry
    Rockstar September 2019
    Sherry ·
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    What Amber said...

    Congratulations!

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  • Sharon
    Devoted October 2020
    Sharon ·
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    It's not weird at all. I wouldn't stress over it. I don't think anyone will think twice about it.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I bought a stamp with our married name & address, I wanted to use it after the wedding too. No one said it was weird on pre-married mail.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    It’s your name so...I don’t see how that’s weird.
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  • K
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kaylie ·
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    Hmm. Now I'm more stressed haha - so the wedding party, our parents, people close to us all know we're already legally married, but we definitely weren't planning on making it an announcement for everyone else...

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  • Amber
    Rockstar February 2020
    Amber ·
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    I strongly advise against deceiving your guests by inviting them to a "wedding" under the impression that you and your husband are not yet married. That's a sure fire way to really ruffle feathers if the cat gets out of the bag, which in my opinion is likely to happen considering that a number of people already know. There's nothing wrong with having a courthouse wedding and then a vow renewal later on, just as long as you're honest with your guests!

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  • Nicole
    Rockstar July 2020
    Nicole ·
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    You definitely want to let your guests know you’re married. They will find out (it always gets out eventually) and they will be mad they were deceived. There have been a number of horror stories on here about people who kept their marriage before the “wedding” a secret and lost relationships when people found out.
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  • K
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kaylie ·
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    Wow - this has been really helpful. I thought I needed advice about a name stamp, but this seems to be a much bigger deal than I thought. Didn't even cross my mind that this would upset people, but it totally makes sense.

    Maybe I should start a new thread for this one, but does anyone have any tips for how to go about telling people? Just put in on the wedding website?

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  • Chandra
    Master May 2019
    Chandra ·
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    You could do that.
    I've also seen invites on here that said "John and Jane were married in a private ceremony on X date, now please join them as they celebrate their marriage with a vow renewal on Y date"
    Maybe not quite that wordy but you get the idea.
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  • K
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kaylie ·
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    That's a great idea! But, ugh - I've already ordered my invites. Maybe it's worth re-doing them..I'll think about it. Thanks for the feedback Smiley smile

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  • Jocelyn
    Savvy May 2020
    Jocelyn ·
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    My husband and I did a private ceremony as well. We announced our marriage through FacebookSmiley winking . I also posted pictures of the private ceremony on our wedding page so that again it's not a surprise to anyone that we are already married. We are having a bigger celebration with the traditional wedding this summer as well so that we could include all of our closest family and friends.

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  • K
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kaylie ·
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    That's a good idea, and I'm glad it worked for you! I think I'm just going to re-order the invites and leave it there. Most of our guests already know anyhow (and we aren't the first in the family to do it this way). I was freaking out - so many people were saying that it's inappropriate to do the 'wedding things' like wear a white dress or have my dad walk me down the aisle since we're already legally married.


    BUT, my SIL pointed out, all we really did was get our marriage certificate prior to the ceremony. Another, more meaningful form of binding (for us), comes when we say our vows in front of our loved ones.


    Also, if someone is going to 'give me the side eye' (to quote another post), they probably aren't a person I care to have in my life!


    Thank you all so much for the comments, I do appreciate it.

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  • Jocelyn
    Savvy May 2020
    Jocelyn ·
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    Exactly my family is the same they are all excited that we decided to do a traditional wedding with all the bells and whistles. My sister is giving me a bridal shower and a bachelorette party because she wants to and because I never had the chance to experience those things. At the end of the day you know your family and friends.. so when it comes to these forums and the “side-eye” comments I just ignore lol Society doesn’t dictate my life and how I choose to celebrate 🤷🏽‍♀️
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  • Alejandra
    Expert November 2020
    Alejandra ·
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    Like a PP said, a Facebook post would work! You could also make sure that your STDs and invites say “vow renewal,” not “marriage.” I would make sure they all know beforehand, from what I’ve heard the wording at weddings and vow renewal ceremonies are quite different.
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  • K
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kaylie ·
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    You said it! Congratulations Smiley smile

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  • Jocelyn
    Savvy May 2020
    Jocelyn ·
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    Congrats to you too love!!!! 🤗
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  • Sharon
    Devoted October 2020
    Sharon ·
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    We were planning a big wedding for this Oct when some concerns were brought up about his mom being well enough to attend. We scrambled to put together a small church wedding this past June for just our immediate families while still planning a bigger one for Oct. I also was met with a lot of "don't deceive your guests, it wont be a wedding, etc". I really started to freak out and worry how we'd be able to do the big one.


    Here's what I realized....everyone's circumstances are different and everyone needs to do what they need to do. Not everyone will understand or approve but the people who know you will understand and not care. Yes, you can still wear a white wedding dress, exchange vows and celebrate in the way you choose to. Those that are close enough to you to be invited will not judge you. Please dont let the opinions of strangers change your mind. All of our family and friends are still excited to see us exchange vows and can't wait celebrate with us.
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  • K
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Kaylie ·
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    I totally agree. Congratulations and well wishes to his mom!

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