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Savvy June 2020

Ok to invite to bridal shower and not wedding?

Ally, on September 24, 2019 at 10:37 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 13

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So, the town I currently live in is 2.5 hours away from my hometown where all my family lives. My mom and grandma are holding a bridal shower for me in my home town and there are some people that are extended family and/or family friends that will be invited to the shower that aren’t on my guest list for the wedding which is in the town I currently live in. Since the bridal shower is much closer to them than the wedding and my wedding is only 50 guests (just immediate family and very close friends), is this okay or considered rude?

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Cher Horowitz, on September 24, 2019 at 1:40 PM

Expert November 2019
Keri · on September 24, 2019 at 10:39 AM
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Unfortunately yes. If they are not invited to the wedding, then they shouldn't be invited to the shower.
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Master January 2015
null · on September 24, 2019 at 10:41 AM
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Agree with Keri. Non-wedding guests should not be invited to pre-wedding events.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on September 24, 2019 at 10:44 AM
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It’s rude to invite someone to an event that’s all about giving you gifts and not to the actual wedding where you would be hosting them. Non-wedding guests should never be invited to pre-wedding events.
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Expert October 2019
FutureMrsC · on September 24, 2019 at 10:47 AM
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There is no way around it, inviting someone to the bridal shower and not the wedding is considered rude and people WILL get offended. I've seen it happen.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on September 24, 2019 at 10:52 AM
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Maybe you can just have another wedding event after for those guests?
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Master January 2019
FutureMrsKC · on September 24, 2019 at 11:21 AM
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It's rude. Don't invite anyone to a bridal shower unless they are invited to the wedding. You are essentially asking them to celebrate you, take time from their day and bring you a gift but you aren't going to invite them to the main event. It's pretty distasteful.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on September 24, 2019 at 12:08 PM
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In my opinion, it's rude. We invited people to our wedding from all over the country.
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Beginner November 2019
Rachel · on September 24, 2019 at 12:21 PM
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My fiance and I are having a couples shower, and we have a mix of wedding guests and those coming only to the shower. It was per their request as they wanted to celebrate with us but couldn't make it to our big day. One way they can still celebrate without missing out on it all.
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Master May 2019
Chandra · on September 24, 2019 at 12:24 PM
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I turned down a bridal shower because my mom suggested we invite a bunch of people I grew up with from church who weren't invited to the wedding. It is rude to ask them to attend a gift giving event and not the major reason behind it. Comes off as gift grabby.
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VIP September 2019
Lauren · on September 24, 2019 at 12:35 PM
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The only way around it is to hold the event after your wedding, don't call it a shower (no gifts), and just have a brunch or tea to celebrate your marriage. As previous posters have said it is rude to expect gifts from people you will not be hosting at your wedding.
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Dedicated June 2021
Kirstin · on September 24, 2019 at 12:37 PM
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It is rude... there’s no way around it unfortunately... wish it wasn’t that way but it is expected people bring something to the bridal shower, so it’s not ok there ether that they are giving you a gift and you aren’t reciprocating it in any way.
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Expert May 2021
Jaime · on September 24, 2019 at 1:36 PM
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I don't mean to pile on, but this would be really rude to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on September 24, 2019 at 1:40 PM
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I agree that it would be rude to invite them to your shower but not your wedding. It's a different story if they're just really wanting to attend your shower. But inviting them wouldn't be appropriate!
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