Officiant or friend/family

I mean I know he is your brother but really think about it. Why does your husband feel he will not take it seriously? Do you feel your brother would?

View Quoted Comment Yes, he would take it serious. He is a jokester but when he needs to be serious, he is. When I asked why he thinks my brother wouldn't take it serious he wouldn't give me a straight answer. All he said was "just because" or "I don't know". Nothing else.

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Hmmmm... I mean I think the only thing to do is sit down with your FH and express to him how important it is to have your brother there and assure your FH that you'll speak to your brother and make sure he is serious the day of. Is there something you can let your FH have that he wants for the wedding and then you get to have your brother for the officiant? Compromise?

Unfortunately I think you might need to let go of the idea of your brother officiating. It’s your FHs day too and he is obviously against having your brother as the officiant first whatever reason. It sounds like he is trying to come to a compromise with you by suggesting a family friend. You need to meet him halfway

I would choose your family friend. If you FH has any reservations about your brother than you shouldn’t pick him. You can still have him do a nice reading or special toast at the reception to have him included. We chose a family friend who is going to get ordained online and is so excited. Make sure you double check with your local county clerk on which companies or online churches they accept the ordainment from either way!

Not sure why he is against your bro THAT much but yeah it is what it is if you both can’t agree to it then the next best person you both agree on is better

View Quoted Comment You need to sit down and dig deeper to find out his reasoning? Ask for his logic out of curiositywithout getting defensive or upset. Do they not get along or does your fiance have a different vision for the ceremony that you aren't aware of? You're going to have bigger issues down the road you won't see eye to eye on that require more than 'because' and refusing to address the situation for a compromise.


Best of luck

It sounds like he has a deeper issue with your brother and doesn't like him. Have you ever known that to be the case? I wouldn't be satisfied to leave it because frankly his communication here sounds terrible....

Does your brother have any experience with officiating? I personally wanted someone who knows exactly how the ceremony should run, as he/she will be directing us and the bridal party at the rehearsal and is ultimately the one running the show. Also, how does your brother feel about having this role? Would he be appreciative of the position, or would it be something that would cause him stress?

I am on future husband side. Get a professional officiant. Here is why...




There have been cases where the wedding wasn't recorded therefore the couple found out they weren't legally married. They usually find this out when applying for health insurance, doing work paperwork, or in some cases at divorce court. The point is the officiant is a better choice at making sure it's legal and is good at walking you through the paperwork. And if the goal is a legal wedding, and it's not you will see a forum post on here every blue moon of this happening. There was one post on here a while back who was not legally married after the wedding due to the guy not being divorced long enough and the professional officiant caught it and fixed it.

Another point is if your brother gets diarrhea, who is his back up? Obviously, you don't want your brother to get diarrhea and knock on wood. But the professional officiant usually has a friend they can call if that happens and the show goes on.


The other reason is because the professional understands how to move things along without it being cringey, drawn out, and neutral. While, this may seem like a small thing, it's a related problem. Your brother is closer to you than your spouse. it's just they can make it personal without it being personal. You want a neutral person to both you and your spouse so it is both of you and not one drowning out the other.


So, I highly recommend going with a professional of your preferred domination and/or non-domination and/or values.

Your FH may not want to tell you why he's against it because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. You say your brother's a jokester but can be serious when needed. Has your FH ever seen this? Maybe he doesn't believe it because he has no experience with lil bro's serious side. Being a wedding officiant is a lot of pressure. When we get nervous, we resort to things like jokes and laughter. Is FH afraid lil bro is going to revert to a jokester under pressure?


I also see how having lil bro as your officiant is special to you, and how you want to honor him with a big part in your day. Instead, would you consider asking him what role *he* would like to play in your wedding? Maybe he wants to be your man of honor, a bridesman, a groomsman, an usher, or a reader. I think that's the best way to honor your relationship. My lil bro requested to be a groomsman, and then when we had to postpone and do a minimony, he was very hands on helping me prepare the week and day of. It was much more organic and meaningful that way, and I appreciate him so much more for that.

I do think you and FH need to find a middle ground. There's something holding him back, and you don't want to put a strain on their future relationship as brothers in law. We have to remember that it's our FHs' day, too, and we don't want them to be uncomfortable at our weddings.

I think adding your brother would make it more sentimental! My FHs grandpa is marrying us which I think is sweet. My FMIL wanted to (also very spiritual) but she’s cheated several times on her husband making me feel uncomfortable if she married us. Overall though I think your brother would be great and I think maybe sitting both down together to discuss it would put his kind at ease, you will never forget it and it will be valuable to have him marry you over this friend!

Have a sit down with you, your brother and FH and see how things go. See where your brother is on this subject. Maybe FH is right and when you discuss it with him you'll see he may not take it seriously or maybe you're right and your FH will come around.