Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

R
Just Said Yes December 2022

Officiant mentioned they were bringing their spouse to our ceremony. Is this normal?

R., on September 23, 2022 at 3:23 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9
Saved
Reply
Hi,


New to all of this wedding business so I wanted to get some feedback on this. We just had a zoom chat with our wedding officiant who we found and contacted online. She wanted to get to know us and have details for the wedding date. As the convo was coming to a close, she casually mentions that her spouse will be joining her. I pause, then say, “oh, you’re bringing your spouse?” She replies with yep, “they’re my spouse/manager.”. We say goodbye and end the call.
My partner and I are now somewhat at odds about officiant etiquette. We are paying her for her work, I assumed she would come, officiate, and head out. If her partner is coming, then I am also assuming she might want to bring their child?
The reason I’m slightly bothered by this is that our wedding (technically an elopement) is a very small and private ceremony with only people that we know well (15 people total). I don’t really like the idea of the officiant’s family staying through the ceremony, and potentially after. They’re essentially strangers to us. Am I being a jerk? What is proper etiquette for us and the officiant?


9 Comments

Latest activity by Paige, on September 27, 2022 at 9:53 AM
  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    That is an unusual request. Is the officiant local to your wedding site? Is there some need for the partner to provide the transportation? It is odd to claim the spouse to be her manager. Nor should they stay after the ceremony since they are not people you are inviting. But was there reason to suspect she expected to stay afterward the ceremony?

    The only other reason to have her spouse there is to give feedback on the quality of her work. But she should have stated that.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Traditional etiquette says an invitation is extended to both the officiant and their spouse for the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, ceremony and reception. However most will decline. It’s odd that they are following through, especially if it’s a random vendor and not someone from a childhood house of worship. The red flag there is them claiming the spouse as a manager. They are not a celebrity auditioning for a role who needs an agent. If you are not comfortable with that, let them know. Otherwise look for a new officiant.
    • Reply
  • S
    Devoted September 2022
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    This is bizarre.

    I think they're implying that they are both coming to your dinner.

    But, I would make it clear what YOU want.

    It is your wedding.

    And with such a small size.. two additional people (who are strangers) will be noticeable.

    • Reply
  • Skb
    Dedicated December 2021
    Skb ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    That’s kinda unusual. Did they plan on having the spouse there to take social media contents? Or stand in the background with the other vendors or event coordinator? Definitely, you should ask for clarification and express your wishes on keeping it intimate.
    • Reply
  • Mrs.evans
    VIP October 2022
    Mrs.evans ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Hi welcome to the wedding wire family so I never heard of this unless they are close friends with the associate of someone with the wedding of either side. Ok our officiant is bring her spouse because we know her but she may stay the reception or half of the time we told it was fine. But I dont remember if seeing any officiant staying for the whole celebration. So you guys will have to talk to her
    • Reply
  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Is the officiant bringing anything like a sound system that she might need assistance to set up?

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Sometimes the officiants wife/partner helps with entrances for the bridal party and stuff so maybe that’s why ? My officiant was someone me and my husband knew personally and his wife came and helped my bridal party with when to walk down etc.
    • Reply
  • Shannon
    Super July 2022
    Shannon ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    That is unusual. Proper etiquette would be to ask you if this is okay.
    • Reply
  • Paige
    VIP October 2022
    Paige ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    That seems odd to me. Maybe the spouse helps with audio equipment or something? I think it would be a good idea to shoot the potential officiant an email and ask what the spouse will be doing since you want a more close-knit, intimate feeling to the day and won't have many people there. If the spouse's level of involvement doesn't sit well with you, I'd look for a different vendor.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

25 Fantastic 14th Anniversary Gift Ideas for Your Spouse, Friends or Any Happy Couple
Married Life 25 Fantastic 14th Anniversary Gift Ideas for Your Spouse,... Need a 14th wedding anniversary gift? We’ve rounded up a unique assortment of...
20 Ways to Decorate the Aisle for an Outdoor Wedding Ceremony
Wedding Ceremony 20 Ways to Decorate the Aisle for an Outdoor Wedding... Set the scene for a beautiful vow exchange on your big day with these...
6 Steps to Finding the Right Wedding Officiant
Officiants 6 Steps to Finding the Right Wedding Officiant To help you choose wisely, we talked to experts to uncover how to find a wedding...
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics