Odd Invitee Dilemma

This situation made me lol for whatever reason. If I really wanted daughter to attend but didn’t want to cause drama at school, I’d invite both. Otherwise I would casually give the invitation to daughter when you work out together. I’d avoid handing out any invit at work/school since you’re not inviting everyone. Good luck!

I would hand the invitation to the daughter, rather than mailing it. We are limited in how many people can attend our wedding, I plan on inviting 2 of my co workers because I spend time with them outside of work. My coworkers know that they are invited and not everyone else. It’s just kind of one of those sticky situations but if it’s important for her to be there then I would invite her and not worry, it’s your day.

Give it to the daughter personally. At the end of the day you're not close to the mother so she really shouldn't expect anything. Maybe have her come to your room during planning and also let her know you're having a small wedding but you want her to come.

I would just hand the invitation to the daughter in person at school and address the envelope only to the daughter. That should make it clear that it is only for the daughter.

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It really is a ridiculous situation. Haha. Normally I wouldn't give two thoughts to mailing her invitation, but her mother can be... Haha. Thank you for your input!

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I think the giving it to her will end up being the best bet. If her mother finds out and gets offended, oh well. Thank you for your input!

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Only issue is that it's not a small wedding (we're looking at about 200 on the guest list with about 9 coworkers plus their husbands and SOs), but, those 9 are the ones I enjoy spending time with outside of school. I think I'll definitely mention to her that not everyone at school is receiving an invitation. Thanks for your input!

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Yep, invitation will be addressed to daughter and her husband. I've even adjusted my RSVP cards to put the number of seats reserved. Too many horror stories on here regarding that topic, so trying to mitigate any issues before they happen! Thank you for your input!

View Quoted Comment Agreed! You can’t please everyone

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Valid point. Don't say small wedding lol. But yes tell her to keep hush as not everyone is invited.

I would just invite the daughter and her husband and not worry about it, but that's me. Schools can be full of drama! If you think the daughter would understand, then try to hand off the invite at school and avoid mailing it to the house. You can even mention that you aren't inviting everyone at work, just the people you feel closest to, which should both make her feel special as well as get the hint that mom isn't invited. If you are close enough with the daughter and she "gets" her mom you can be more explicit about not inviting her mom, that way she is prepared for any drama that might unfold.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! She absolutely “gets” her mom. I’ll probably mention a well-worded variation of why hers isn’t mailed...I can already picture her laughing about it! Haha.

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To your general post: I'd hand the invite to the friend and just say "I wanted to give this to you! We're only inviting a few people from our jobs due to capacity limitations so please keep it under wraps"

To this post^: You have to draw the line somewhere. While you ARE having a larger wedding, I'm sure you managed to fill that guest list up quickly. We are also hoping for 200 to attend our wedding but our invite list is at 246. The numbers add up SO FAST. Don't sacrifice who you want to invite over someone that you don't even like. If she talks, let her! You're not made of money

I would just hand deliver her invite when you see her at school, at the gym etc just so you completely avoid any misunderstanding at home.

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Haha, no stress about that! I'm very good at saying no! There was/is zero chance she'll ever be on the invitation list. Luckily, that 200 includes everyone we want at the wedding, so we aren't having to make any tough choices about who to invite over others for capacity/budget constraints. Thank you for your input!