October Wedding and Vaccination

If you’re doing 100% vaccinated- you need to stick with that. Your underage nephews are high risk because of not being vaccinated but also a very high risk to others for the same reason. It’s going to be hard to stick to this with the bridesmaid if you’re not actually enforcing it across the board. I’d suggest not having the nephews come (or requiring they wear masks) for their and everyone else’s safety and then give your BM the same option. Mask up the whole party or don’t come.

View Quoted Comment We live in Oregon and currently have a statewide mask mandate that we are expecting to still be in place on our wedding day so that’s not an issue for us.


Regardless of their inability to get vaccinated because it lacks approval, I have not seen them in 3 years because of the pandemic and I’m not having them miss something as important as my wedding day if at all possible. If my sister didn’t think we were doing everything responsibly she wouldn’t be bringing them. Our stipulation has also always been those that can get vaccinated, not those that choose not to or are medically unable to so children were always excluded from the requirement.
But I appreciate your input!

I hope that you reimburse the bridesmaid for all expenses incurred since April. Also, if it wasn't clear that you would disinvite her from that date in April, you should reimburse her for anything she has paid since then.

To be clear, I think its your decision and privilege (since we have access to vaccines in the US) to make your wedding guests all be vaccinated. But, since the rules changed mid stream, she should not be out financially.

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I agree with this - I fully support your decision to mandate vaccines for guests (we are doing the same) but given this has been decided recently, it would be preferable to reimburse the bridesmaid to ensure she isn't financially in a worse off position for a wedding she is no longer allowed to attend.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree with this. She needs to be fully financially reimbursed and I wouldn’t be surprised if this was a friendship ending move since your niece/nephew are just as much of a risk to your other guests as she is.

She should absolutely be reimbursed, and I would assume a friendship is now at risk. I understand the vaccination status, but those vaccinated can still pass on the virus, so masks should also be worn...

View Quoted Comment We’ve discussed this and the friendship is not at risk. As it is our day and she wants us to be comfortable, she will step down if that is what we decide.


Presently our state has a statewide mask mandate that will likely still be in effect next month. But masks were always on the table regardless of a mandate.

What about just getting her tested before hand?

View Quoted Comment My fiancé does not feel comfortable with that at the present time so I will respect his wishes unless he changes his mind.

Frankly, your niece and nephew are also at risk from vaccinated guests. Masks will help, but if your are very concerned about their health, and the possibility of them getting infected, you might want to suggest they not attend, either.

If you're concerned about unvaccinated guests, then an unvaccinated guest is an unvaccinated guest whether they're 11 or 31. I would be incredibly pissed/hurt if I was your bridesmaid. Reimbursing her is the least you can do.

View Quoted Comment I don't understand. If the BM was told in April about the rule and she continued, why would she need to be reimbursed?

Oh man this is stressful. So how did you find out about the BM? Did she just recently tell you that she doesn't want to get vaccinated or did you find out through sometime else? I feel like she should have told you that she doesn't want to get vaccinated in April when you made the decision. Then you could have made arrangements for someone else.


I think you're doing the right thing. Your nephews can't get vaccinated (yet) but your BM is choosing not to (from what you've said). No gathering is going to be 100% perfect but you are doing the best you can to protect your love ones and still have a celebration. This is the new world we're living in unfortunately.

View Quoted Comment Tell me about it! I found out because I hadn’t received our RSVP card back specifying vaccination to attend from her so followed up on her status since she’s in the bridal party. And yes she definitely could have said something, but instead it feels like she assumed we would let it slide because she’s a BM. But we wouldn’t let it slide with my future MIL either.


Thank you! We are trying to have the safest wedding possible and that often leads to hard conversations and decisions. Yes, she is choosing to remain unvaccinated and that is the issue here, especially when she knew about our request in advance. By choosing not to get vaccinated, there will be consequences unfortunately. Whereas my niece and nephew are unable to due to age and my sister would get them vaccinated if she could.

Your BM made a choice to not be vaccinated. Therefore she has to accept the consequences of that decision. Sucks but I respect and agree with your decision on that.

I honestly feel like if you are that concerned she shouldn’t come but, your nephews will be at risk in that kind of setting regardless. My whole family just got covid and we’re all vaccinated. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem
to prevent it (as I’m sure you’re aware).

I’m getting married this Friday and my fully vaccinated matron of honor just tested positive and can’t come. It definitely helps to keep it 100% vaccinated like we are but I would also suggest people take rapid tests regardless of vaccination. If my matron of honor wouldn’t have taken a test we would’ve gathered two days from now, with my high risk mom.


These times are so stressful and frustrating.