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Ryn
Dedicated September 2016

obnoxious in-laws - (vent)

Ryn, on September 8, 2016 at 5:11 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 27

My FMIL and FBIL have been horrible throughout this whole wedding process and at 9 days out FBIL just sent me another passive aggressive, bitchy email and so if I don't vent this rage somewhere constructive I will scream it all out at them, and I doubt that will lead good places. Background: FH was...

My FMIL and FBIL have been horrible throughout this whole wedding process and at 9 days out FBIL just sent me another passive aggressive, bitchy email and so if I don't vent this rage somewhere constructive I will scream it all out at them, and I doubt that will lead good places.

Background: FH was born in the US to immigrant parents (35 years ago...) from a third world country, so there is definitely a language and culture barrier. Additionally, they live in a small town in a really rural area and always have, so they have struggled with many things that we take for granted (understanding airline travel protocol, hotel reservations, ettiquite etc.) We have done our best to try and communicate expectations and procedures to them multiple times, using simple language, and have enlisted his sibling and step siblings to run interference the last few weeks when we got busy enough with other tasks since we were down to the wire and couldn't hold their hands anymore

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27 Comments

  • Ryn
    Dedicated September 2016
    Ryn ·
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    @tinkerspu he didn't go out of his way to tell me, it was mixed in with other communication from her that he showed me. Honestly I've gotten that type of shit from the stepmom and FFIL too...it's really just ignorance because they don't consider me (or any woman) a person outside of her looks, housekeeping, and mothering skills. FH loves that I'm a scientist and knows that his family doesn't value education at all so I don't think he even registered that as an actual hurtful comment. (I'm not too concerned either, TBH)

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  • Mrs. Librarian
    VIP November 2016
    Mrs. Librarian ·
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    Wow!

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  • Ryn
    Dedicated September 2016
    Ryn ·
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    Small happy update: FH brought home flowers for me because he felt so bad about how they've been acting and knew I was stressed about it. I think he's gotten me flowers like...one other time, so this was really sweet

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  • Rachel DellaPorte
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
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    Yep, you're dealing with wedding crap -- it happens to most brides.

    You did a lot of venting, and I seriously hope that made you feel better. As far the FBIL and FMIL are concerned, both of them deserved a plus one -- whether it was FBIL's boyfriend, roommate, cousin, or best friend. The same applies to your FMIL. Adults are entitled to a plus one, whether you know the plus one or not. A formal affair, whether it's $30 PP or $175 PP, should incorporate a connotation of an escort for the invited guest.

    Beyond that, just deal with the cultural differences. I know, it seems ultra-concentrated because it is. You're expecting two worlds to meld for one day -- it may happen seamlessly, or it may not.

    Just do your best. If you can help them with lodging, then do it. If not and the time has passed, it is what it is.

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  • Nancy
    VIP January 2017
    Nancy ·
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    Ugh! Craziness!! I'm sorry you have to deal with this baloney.

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  • Meant to be Busby
    Super October 2016
    Meant to be Busby ·
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    Omg I feel for you. I have nightmares FIL's and just...ugh I feel for you.

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  • Ashley
    Dedicated September 2017
    Ashley ·
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    No culture gap in my situation but PREACH. I know people say you're marrying the family, too, but no. My FH's parents tried to talk us into having a courthouse marriage and were constantly pushing it on us. They constantly push everything they want on us because it was the way they did things. So now I stay away. His family, he can keep explaining things. It wears a person out and you don't need that on you all the time.

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