We're here to help you keep moving forward, no matter what your plans are.

Michelle
Rockstar October 2022

Obligatory invites

Michelle, on April 13, 2021 at 11:11 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 12
Saved Save
Reply

Everyone hates the idea of inviting that one person you have no relationship with just to please your parents or someone else who isn't even footing the bill. On the same token that people avoid those when making invite lists as the hosts, why would someone feel pressure to attend a wedding they are invited to out of obligation? Whether it's a relative or a coworker or friend of a friend all of whom you are not close to? Same nonexistent relationship, different people.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Fred (Frédolino), on April 16, 2021 at 1:03 PM
  • JM Sunshine
    August 2020
    JM Sunshine ·
    • Flag
    I think it all has to do with "keeping the peace". For example, you might love 2/3rds of your aunts but out of "obligation" and to avoid unnecessary family drama invite the 3rd one and pray they decline because they also don't feel the love. It becomes a very political game on all sides, so to speak.
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag

    My parents went to ONE of those in recent years, and we're not doing so again. (He was uncle to the bride via his brother, wasn't sat with family, and the entire wedding was ... dismal? I dunno. I was sent an STD to my own address, and then an invite to my parents' ... in a different state... I was also starring in a show that weekend. I didn't go.)

    We've recently been sent an STD for my other cousin's wedding.

    In FL. In January.

    My parents aren't going to go, and I'm giving birth in September. So. (For the record, we just flat out didn't invite my father's side of the family, since my entire relationship with them is through the one cousin's Insta.)

    I dunno. I find the entire concept of "obligatory invite" kind of ridiculous, and I'm stubborn enough to not do it.

    • Reply
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
    • Flag
    I guess I choose to surround myself with people that I want to be with and no longer play into the “obligatory” people. Life is too short and if I don’t normally see you or spend time with you then why would I want you there on my special day. Sorry that’s just me.
    • Reply
  • Jasmine E.
    Devoted May 2022
    Jasmine E. ·
    • Flag
    We don't have a choice because our parents are paying for all the catering, our friends and theirs. So they're inviting a lot of people who I know don't give AF about the marriage, making the wedding much bigger than it needs to be.
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Devoted September 2022
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    I have one cousin and his wife that I don't care to invite. They're not bad people, they just get on my nerves. But they would be literally the only cousins I don't invite in a very close family, so there's no choice there.

    The only other person I have that I know my mom is going to try and get me to invite at some point is my uncle, her brother and his SO. I've got no interest in having any kind of relationship with him, and have made that perfectly clear along with the fact that I have no plans to invite him to our wedding. I just expect my mom to put up a fight as we get a little closer to actually sending out invites.

    • Reply
  • B
    Dedicated August 2022
    Bride2Be ·
    • Flag
    I feel this on every level! There are a lot of extended family members that as a kid we went to their weddings because my parents were invited and now I’m facing the whole well shouldn’t I invite them to mine? And my grandmas siblings whom I only see at random family events when I was a kid and my fiancé thinks I should invite all these people because they will enjoy seeing the rest of the family but I have no close connection to them other than that they are distant blood relatives. We can afford to invite them but I just keep going back and forth if I actually want to invite them.
    • Reply
  • Milada
    Expert October 2021
    Milada Online ·
    • Flag

    It is definitely to "keep the peace" so to speak. My father and I aren't on good terms right now and people are asking when I'm going to un-invite him. Truth is that he, his siblings, and parents were only invited to "keep the peace" as they were absent for most of my life and don't put forth any effort to keep in contact with me. I get along with my brothers and my grandparents are my only living ones so I didn't mind that compromise and pettily, I don't want to uninvite my father because everyone hates him and will make him feel uncomfortable when he shows up.

    We'll see how this works come October. I'm not too worried about it right now because we're paying for everything and I'm okay with whoever coming because my day is going to be peaceful for my FH and I NO MATTER WHAT.

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Dedicated July 2021
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    EXACTLY this. And this has become more true with COVID and having to be reeeeeeeeeallllllly mindful of who you are around and who you want to genuinely spend time with.

    We have a 25 person cap on our wedding, because of space limitations at our reception venue, (including us and our two kids) - so really we can only host an additional 21 people. We are inviting only our most cherished people, whether they are biologically related or not. We both have fairly large-ish immediate families, which really limits us to parents, siblings, grandparents, and each of our best friends. We are not extending invites to plus-ones or boyfriends/girlfriends. Basically, if we would spend a major holiday dinner celebration with them, they are invited. Otherwise, no. With such a heavily restricted number and no wiggle room, I refuse to feel bad about not inviting people that I don't know or like just because of "obligation."

    • Reply
  • Fred (Frédolino)
    Expert April 2022
    Fred (Frédolino) ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Wow, Milada I'm sorry for the mess you're having to deal with!

    • Reply
  • Fred (Frédolino)
    Expert April 2022
    Fred (Frédolino) ·
    • Flag

    Yep Michelle. I attended a wedding 3 years ago, my partner was the only person I knew. I was introduced to the couple at the rehearsal dinner! (FW was a bridesmaid) it's was awkward, boring to me. I attended because I initially declined but my FW wanted me to attend, I'm not sure why! About 1,5 month away, we fought all night long over this! 😠 So I gave in to her but I wish I were at home!

    So yes, I get your point.

    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Devoted September 2022
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    So the point of inviting SOs to weddings is to give you a guaranteed person to interact with. This would've been a good time to get to know your FW's friends by interacting with some of the other guests at the wedding.

    I've loved bringing my FH to weddings where he may not have met the bride and groom because I can always talk to him, and I can introduce him to other friends I have at the wedding. It's a time to get out and have fun, dance and celebrate even if you don't know the people. They're happy and in love, that's always a reason to have a good time.

    • Reply
  • Fred (Frédolino)
    Expert April 2022
    Fred (Frédolino) ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I did interact with some guests. I'm not shy in the least.

    In fact, the boring parts were the RD,the ceremony and the "pre-dinner portion" of the reception. I had a blast after that.

    I felt uncomfortable because I couldn't imagine attending a wedding where I didn't know any of the newlyweds.Okay they were nice,cool but still!

    It's hard to enjoy the ceremony,the speeches when you don't know the couple or at least one of the newlyweds, no matter how sweet or funny the ceremony, the speeches are.



    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

WeddingWire article topics