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Master August 2019

Obligation to Invite?

CourtneyBrittain, on June 2, 2019 at 11:50 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20

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Okay so I have a friend who originally wasn’t on the wedding list but she had texted me how excited she was and said she already bought us several gifts off our registry and how she knew she was going to cry at the wedding. I told her thank you and ended up adding her to the guest list (one more person won’t make a difference and I didn’t mind doing it)
However, am I obligated to put her on my shower invitation list? **I know I don’t throw the show but my mom and the hostesses have requested a list of people I’d like to invite** Normally, I wouldn’t have her on the list but since she’s bought several gifts (five! We haven’t even sent out our registry yet, she just knew where to look) am I obligated to invite her? Again, one person won’t make a huge difference in the end but she is a work friend from an old job so she won’t even know anyone else apart from my mom, who she has only met twice. She isn’t getting a plus one to the wedding so I am also slightly concerned about that.
Any advice?

PS - I know that *technically* I am the bride so I can “do what I want” but I wanted to get advice of what you would do or have done in similar situations.

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20 Comments

Latest activity by CourtneyBrittain, on June 4, 2019 at 7:54 PM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 3, 2019 at 1:03 AM
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No not really. I didn't invite every single female to my shower that is invited to my wedding.
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on June 3, 2019 at 3:23 AM
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I agree that you dont have to invite everyone to the shower. In this circumstance, though, unless you have a reason not to, it may be nice to invite her. You have a friend closer than you thought. The opposite is not, true, though. You should only invite people to the shower who are also invited to the wedding. My mother got an invitation for her BFF's daughter's shower, but didn't get the wedding invite. It was a bit awkward.
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Super October 2019
Lizzy · on June 3, 2019 at 6:45 AM
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I had this happen with a friend of my uncle's, but whom I've known for years. I wasn't planning on inviting her but my uncle passed away 2 months after we got engaged and she kept saying how nice it was to have something happy to look forward to so we added her. I will most likely end up inviting about half the women on my guest list, but not anyone out of state.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on June 3, 2019 at 8:17 AM
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I wouldn't invite her. I think that showers should be reserved for your closest friends and family.
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Master December 2020
Amanda · on June 3, 2019 at 9:38 AM
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I agree here
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Devoted May 2020
Bride2020 · on June 3, 2019 at 9:56 AM
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I'd probably invite her, she might be planning to give you half at the bridal shower and half at the wedding, or if theyre all connected maybe shes getting together a big bridal shower gift. A bridal shower is where she'd probably feel most appreciated gift wise and if she's buying them in advance like that she's probably excited. In my area, every woman invited to the wedding is invited to the bridal shower, but I also know some places its supposed to be more intimate, so if that's more of the vibe you're after then that's something to consider as well.
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Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on June 3, 2019 at 11:30 AM
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I’m definitely not inviting every woman on my 250 guest list to my shower haha. Kudos to those that do, but that’d be a shower of over 100 people. That’s too intense for me
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Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on June 3, 2019 at 11:31 AM
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She is for sure invited to the wedding, I just wasn’t sure if it would be awkward for her not knowingness anyone
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on June 3, 2019 at 11:33 AM
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See, that's good. Do you have anyone else from that workplace coming to the shower?
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Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on June 3, 2019 at 11:42 AM
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The only people I am adding that are out of state are my future in laws. FSIL and FMIL live in KS, and I am in TX
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Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on June 3, 2019 at 11:43 AM
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I mean it will be a big mush mash of select people from different groups anyway, so I don’t think it’ll be very intimate.
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Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on June 3, 2019 at 11:44 AM
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No, I haven’t worked with her in over five years. We’ve kept up but even if I invited people from the same workplace she wouldn’t know them.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on June 3, 2019 at 1:26 PM
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Inviting her would be a nice gesture, but don't feel forced to
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Super March 2019
FutureStephD · on June 3, 2019 at 2:49 PM
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THIS.
I have to say, throughout wedding planning, I was surprised at who was and who wasn't THERE for me/ us. I realized there are some relationships that I was doing all the "work" and others where I was shocked at how I had "friends closer than I thought". Now after the wedding, I've decided to cultivate the latter, and definitely appreciate these people more than I did.
So I'm for inviting her!
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Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on June 3, 2019 at 3:42 PM
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I love this perspective! You’re right, I have heard that weddings kind of when you realize who your closer friends are. I honestly didn’t think we were that close since we hardly text, never call, and only see each other maybe once or twice a year even though she lives within an hour of me.
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Savvy December 2015
Woman On The Go · on June 4, 2019 at 12:32 PM
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It would be a nice gesture to invite her, although you certainly aren't obligated to. One practical reason could be that she can then meet other women you know making it less awkward for her being at the wedding without a plus one.
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Super April 2020
Emily · on June 4, 2019 at 1:59 PM
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I totally agree!
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Expert June 2020
Pattie · on June 4, 2019 at 5:18 PM
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You didn't ask her to purchase stuff. NOR did you send her the registry. An invite to just the wedding is fine. I wouldn't stress about it. Totally awkward though.... did she know you had already sent out invites? Could it have been a ploy to get invited?
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VIP October 2019
Jessica · on June 4, 2019 at 6:39 PM
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Me being a total push over would just invite her. But I completely understand why you ask.
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Master August 2019
CourtneyBrittain · on June 4, 2019 at 7:54 PM
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I don’t think it was a ploy; I’d gone back and forth over inviting her due to some choices made but ultimately decided the no drama route and invited her
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