NWR. Update on friends being distant since I got engaged.

I didn't lose a friend but I did have a relative that was a member of my wedding party act very distant with me from the moment I called her and gave her my good news about being engaged. Sometimes when great life events happen not everyone will share in your happiness because it may shed a light on what they don't have and where they would like to be in their lives. Mourn the lose of the friendship for only a short time, but then move on to the ones that are happy for you. I have learned that the length of time you have had someone in your life does not account for the type of friend and support they will be.

I have a friend that I lost after getting engaged too... and we were friends for 8 years (since our freshmen year in high school). Although, I think the friendship was about to end anyway before I got engaged... I just think it's funny that it didn't happen until after it happened.

At least you know who your TRUE friends are now.

"I have learned that the length of time you have had someone in your life does not account for the type of friend and support they will be." - Brittney F. that is so true!

I haven't necessarily lost anyone because I got engaged, but I have definitely noticed a change in a couple of people. A girl I wasn't very close with asks me about wedding things all the time, and if I've thought about the wedding party (as if she's waiting for an invitation - no way!) and someone I've known for 10 years who can be a user if you let her just proved she doesn't care to talk about anyone but herself. In the year I've been engaged she's never even asked to see my ring in person. We were like sisters as kids but every time we're together all she talks about is herself... it's gotten worse since the engagement.

Wow, about the ring, I got that too. Some of mines, never asked to see the ring in person. IDK if it's because they don't care or don't like it ....lool.

Ahahaha girl story of my life - my so called close friend refused to be my BM and I think it's because she is really not the one getting married first, and i am OK.

I let all of those pple go - I refuse to be in toxic environment and surround myself with those who don't celebrate with me. I deuce them ALL out.

About the ring - IT'S JEALOUSY.

I don't have my ring yet and it just because in my culture it doesn't mean much - but I know for a fact that if I did folks will talk even more. Our community here folks like to compare and judge, while a ring could be someone symbol of love for me, for one it's how cheap it is (to their standard)...

I just also have to add that even though some people may hurt you or be jealous of you, or whatever... I try to be thankful I am getting a "sign" of their true personality. If I didn't pay attention to the little subtle remarks and so on, I could make a mistake by asking someone who doesn't care about me so much to be involved in my wedding.

I was tempted to ask one person to be in the wedding party in hopes that it would rekindle our friendship, but the more things that have me scratching my head, the more I realize there is nothing to rekindle and I would be wasting my time.

I'd never confront anyone over what I think is poor behavior, but I definitely make a note of when I shouldn't waste my time.

I have a friend since I was 13 (that's over 30 years!!!) who suddenly bowed out of the wedding. We offered to pay for her as a guest and she refused.

I'll give her some time but I am hoping that she gets over/past whatever her issues are!

I didn't lose a friend but I was very disappointed by my BFF's reaction to us getting engaged. She had told FH she wanted to know how/when he was proposing and give her approval (sounds bad but she meant well because she knew it meant a lot to me) and he agreed but in the end he decided he didn't want the surprise to get spoiled and wanted to plan it all on his own without anyone's help or opinions so it would be special that it came from just him. I called her after he proposed but she didn't answer so I sent her a picture of the ring saying "we're engaged!". Her response: "Why didn't I know about this?!?" She was so focused on him not telling her ahead of time that she couldn't even be happy for me. Eventually I did get a message from her saying "congrats" but she completely burst my bubble and ruined my excitement. When she finally called me, she made small talk and didn't ask about how he proposed and when I told her the story, didn't seem interested at all. (cont.)

(cont.) It shouldn't be that way with your BFF and it really hurt that she couldn't be happy for me. We've since talked about it and she apologized because she realized it wasn't fair and irrational to be upset about that - and espeically to take it out on me when FH is the one who broke his promise, not me! And even though she won't admit it, I know the real reason behind her reaction was jealousy. She was in the middle of an ugly divorce after an ugly marriage and was having a really hard time with it. But it really made me sad that she couldn't put that aside for just 5 minutes and be happy for me. We actually went on a girls weekend together recently and hashed the whole thing out so all is well and she's actually one of my MOHs. She was really excited about being my MOH but I've noticed recently that she hasn't really tried to be involved much. The reason this bothers me is because she has always wanted to be a wedding planner one day...so you'd think she'd want to be involved.

Wow. That's crazy!

Oh well. I'm learning to let those people go!!!!!! Why can't people just be happy for us, huh???

Sorry to hear you're going through this. It does happen at times. But remember, the people that are truly happy with their own situations in life, will be truly happy for you. Sometimes because individuals aren't happy with their own lives, it's hard to find happiness for someone else. Congratulations on your engagement! Enjoy this time....the two of you can't repeat it.

I really didn't have "friends" im not the social type..but the friends that i do have are from private school. we've lost contact over the years and then starting talking again and hanging out..AS SOON AS I GOT MARRIED SHE'S NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! im like well damn..what on earth happened? I never knew that getting married i would lose friends? i'm not that worried about it tho. it's just crap! I don't understand..maybe she and they weren't my real friends to begin with?..any who..sorry to hear you've lost some friends..

I really didn't have "friends" im not the social type..but the friends that i do have are from private school. we've lost contact over the years and then starting talking again and hanging out..AS SOON AS I GOT MARRIED SHE'S NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! im like well damn..what on earth happened? I never knew that getting married i would lose friends? i'm not that worried about it tho. it's just crap! I don't understand..maybe she and they weren't my real friends to begin with?..any who..sorry to hear you've lost some friends..

Yolanda, that's exactly what i was thinking. I didn't know getting married would cause me to lose friends. That's life, though. Not everyone will always be happy for you unfortunately.

Future.Mrs.Mak yes it is..life will still go on with or without them..at least we will have our hubby's who are here to stay!

Yes, people have made crazy, rude comments to me about me getting married. They do know that I don't give a damn about what the hell they gotta say. At the same time I would like people around me to be happy and excited but I understand they will not be anxious to talk to me about it or help me plan the wedding because they have issues in their own relationships. I guess it's life so If I gotta do it by myself, then I will!

I lost a friend because of starting to date my FH. It was so dumb!!! lol! and she still claims it was because of a bunch of things that quite obviously had nothing to do with it (she claims i didn't contact her, but I have the phone with teh contact attempts on it still, just to help me remember that I was NOt in teh wrong, and more stuff like that) and this wasn't the first time she did something like that. I forgave her the first time, but time number two? ha, hell no, id' like to see her try. It happens!! theyre immature, and it's our time to move on and shine!

I will say that once you get engaged, it's just hard to have or keep the same friends.

I mean the reality of things change - your priority change and it doesn't mean that it will be the same as your friends. as much as we would like for them to be in the save level or support us - it will come with time. If they don't come around than I guess they weren't your friends to begin with.