NWR: Lack of maternal instinct? is there something wrong with me?

I have always wanted kids and I have always known it. I know that I don't want one for another year or so but I have always had the instinct that I was born to be a mother and that is when I'll be at my best. I don't think it's wrong that you feel the opposite, not at all. If one of my friends told me they never wanted to have kids it would not affect me in the least bit. I don't know why anyone would be offended by the fact that you don't want to. People need to start minding their own business.

I think it's great that you realize this and that you know what you want and what you don't want. You still have awhile to figure out if it's something you'll ever want. If it's not then just focus on the positive that comes with not having a child! Don't worry about it though, nothing is wrong with you.

I'm (almost) 35. When my friend told me that my life would have no meaning until I spawned an ankle biter, I told him to go fuck himself.

I think one of the most selfless things you can do is to admit you are too selfish to have children. I am one of those people. I love my time, my hobbies and my freedom. I don't want to give it all up for 18 years so I can level up my kid in life.

Nothing wrong!!!! I'm the same. I know I want kids, so I'm gonna throw the dice and believe it'll kick in for me. It absolutely is there for my puppies, so I imagine it'll be stronger for kids!

There are plenty of ways to be a good mom....if you want kids

There is nothing wrong with you!! I'm sure you're going to be a great mommy. I wasn't ready for my first, but as soon as I saw the positive symbol on the pregnancy test this urge came over me to protect my pregnancy/child. Nothing else mattered at that moment. You will have that moment!!

There's nothing wrong with you at all. It's actually good that you recognize and accept that you don't have that maternal instinct. I'm sure there are tons of moms out there who wish they never had children but can't say it for fear of how society will look at them. I can only imagine how stuck they feel. It's better not to have them if you don't want them. I think everybody ends up happier that way - mainly you.

I think the unknown is scary. It probably changes once you have a kid of your own. Even dealing with someone elses kid is going to be different than your own. I don't have any kids, but I want some in the future.

No, you are fine. I also do not have an urge to have any children. When I am around kids they annoy me. I think I would resent a child of my own based on the annoyance alone.

*steps onto soap box...Nothing is wrong with you. But there is something wrong with a society that pressures new brides into trying to conceive before a) their marriage is established and b) they really, really, really want a baby. I was married the first time at 29 after living with my then husband for 3 years. I got pregnant 6 months in and we had a beautiful daughter when I was 30. I would never have dreamed that our marriage would ever fall apart, let alone that early. But we had a really tough baby and the stress of caring for her brought up all sorts of issues that I won't go into. I'd like to think that given time and without the stress of a colic-y baby, those issues would have come up more slowly and we could have dealt with them more rationally and with more patience. But it didn't work that way and we split up. We are great co-parents, even friends now (our daughter is 6), and our respective partners get along well and are comfortable attending joint events together. But a relationship like that is rare, and raising my daughter in split households will be the greatest heartache of my life. Fast forward 5 years and I'm getting remarried at 35 to a 43 year old man with no kids. It is STILL the first question everyone asks us. The answer is an emphatic no that I'm not ashamed of. My situation isn't everyone's, and I'm not suggesting that having a baby ruins marriages--most of the time it does the opposite. But enjoy being married without kids before you have them, and don't let anyone pressure you into the biggest decision of your life. Don't have a baby until you feel absolutely ready.

Not everyone wants the same thing. You are not wrong and there is nothing wrong with you. Some say you are never ready or there is never a right time but if you KNOW you aren't ready then don't have one. As long as you and your FH are okay with it then it's no one's business.

I totally agree with you, Nicolette-- parenting is hard work, and is best to wait till you want it to dive in. There is nothing wrong with you that you don't want it, and if you never do there's nothing wrong with that, either.

Nothing wrong with that. It's better than having them reluctantly.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I don't want kids and I never have. I am thankful that I found a man that feels the same way. I totally understand the lack of maternal instinct; I cringe every time I see a baby.

I hate when people belittle my choices by saying things like, "Oh, your young and you'll change your mind."

If and when your ready to have children you'll know it, and if it doesn't happen then that's okay too. You will have a husband to share your love with and I don't know about you, but that's all I need.

A few years back, one state decriminalized child abandonment, so long as the child was left in an appropriate place such as a hospital. The idea was to prevent infanticide, but the law did not include a maximum age limit. Parents abandoned children as old as 14. The fact is, many people haven't the interest or aptitude for parenthood. It is much better to think this through and avoid pregnancy than to unthinkingly have children you will end up resenting.

Thanks everyone for your encouragement, my FH and I are are both on the same page about us not being sure we want to have kids, he is older then me so feels like he may be passed the time to become a parent. I am going to wait and see what the future holds. I am open to the idea if I should wake up one day with a baby fever and knowing that my time has come to be a mother, but also open if it never comes and I just enjoy my marriage

There is a good line in 'Eat, Pray, Love' about this. It is something like "having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face. You need to be committed."

Elizabeth Gilbert has some other excellent thoughts on this topic in her other book 'Committed: A Love Story'