NWR: Lack of maternal instinct? is there something wrong with me?

By the way, there is no pressure from my family or FI my parents already have grandchildren from my older syblings.

Nope, and I actually wasn't very "in" to my baby for a couple of weeks after he was born. I knew I wanted kids, but I wasn't the "omg I'm so excited that he moved" type. I was the "oh my god this is so nauseated and it feels like an alien inside me" type.

But now? Now I would do absolutely anything for my son and I cannot imagine life without him.

**note--kids aren't for everyone. If you never feel like you want any, that's fine too as long as you and your FH are both on board.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Some people just don't want kids. And I agree with you that parents should be willing to give 110% to their kids.

As long as you and FH are on the same page, there's nothing to worry about.

I don't think anything is wrong with you.... I felt like this too, before our unplanned pregnancy with my now 4 year old. My instincts (the want for a baby) didn't kick in until she was born. I always knew I wanted children, just not as quickly as I actually had become a mother.

There is definitely not anything wrong with you. I have less than zero maternal instinct... I actually think it's negative, if that's possible. I can't stand kids, and I've never wanted one. I get a lot of infuriating comments from people (you'll change, it's different when they're your own, etc) and it really does make one feel that there is something wrong. But there's not... there is nothing wrong with not choosing to go down the same path most people do.

One of my BMs was a lot like Janeen and that's totally ok as well. Being pregnant sucks balls and it's not the wonder a lot of women make it out to be.

I have always wanted to be a mother. not everyone does. nothing is wrong with you. be strong, feel what you feel and make your own choices, not what society tells us "women are supposed to do"

I knew from the time I was a teenager that I didn't want kids. I've always said I'd rather regret NOT having them than regret having them.

I like kids and have a bunch of nieces & nephews and enjoyed spoiling them -- and not having to take them home with me!

I should just copy and paste what Jess said!! Luckily you're not getting family pressure! Hopefully you and FH are on the same page. I don't think anything is wrong with me. I have had mothers tell me if you're not in it 110% then don't do it because it takes every ounce of your being!!

Actually, this article seems appropros.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/09/not-wanting-kids-is-entirely-normal/262367/

I didn't care about having kids until I was in my 30's. You get a lot of flak from people when you say you don't want them. I have 1 child. That's plenty for me. I think you are totally normal.

I have heard that once you have a child your maternal instincts kick in, but what if mine don't? I don't want to risk having a child because I don't want to take that chance, I would not want to regret having a child, that would be terrible for any child I had.

Only you can answer this question as to whether or not children are for you. If you're not sure, err on the side of caution.

Nothing is wrong with you. I have a child, and I don't really want to do it all over again. When I think babies, I think dollar signs, messes, poopy diapers, and I am NO rush to go back there now that she's almost 13.

I dont think anything is the matter! Everyone is different, and we feel differently about things. I love my daughter, but I roll my eyes about other kids and I def dont want to babysit anyone else. I would maybe one day like another, but Im conflicted, I feel selfish about not wanting to give up my free time, to raise another, or my body to go through the stress and changes again, lol. So I feel that each person is different.

Nothing wrong at all. I think it's very honorable for you to put a future child first by admitting that you can't give them 100% right now or in the near future. That's how I feel. I'm not there now (I'm 25) but I think maybe I will. I always was the "mother" in my group of friends. But I know I don't want to stay at home and do nothing else for the next x amount of years. Some people have babies just because they are cute, but they aren't prepared for them and bad things happen to the baby. So you're just being a responsible adult, that's all!

My aunt doesn't have kids and she is in her 40s, our friends in their late 30s/early 40s, and my sister who is in her mid 20s. They all travel all the time and live a happy life. If they want some time with kids, they baby-sit. But they know that they don't want to be tied down 100% of the time and there is nothing wrong with that.

I don't think there is anything wrong with you, but from what I have heard from multiple people including my parents, there is never a time where you just feel 100% ready. You could always have more money saved, or want to go on one more big vacation, or want a bigger house first etc. FH and I both agree that we are as ready as we'll ever be and are both willing to give up whatever we need to when it happens because we do want children. It definitely scares me a little bit, but I know that we'll both be good parents. Just do whatever feels right for both of you. No need to rush into things, and I think it's great that you're thinking about all of it to make the right decision for you.

I am totally with you, Nicoletta. I'm also 31, recently married, and I feel like the general expectation is for me to get pregnant. And quite frankly, I'm revolted by the idea! I think my nieces and nephews are adorable, but the idea of morning sickness, giving birth, changing diapers, and all that is NOT something I remotely want to do. There's still so many things I want to do before kids are around- and I struggle with the idea of giving up my career for kids, because I'm in law enforcement so once I get out, there's really no going back, yet at the same time I can't see doing this job and raising kids too. Sometimes I think it's totally unfair that we women have to do all the work when it comes to kids. Yes, I know dads help out. But they're not the ones who have to get fat and pregnant and miserable, or breastfeed, or get up at all hours of the night, or give birth, or any of that.

I do sometimes think that I'm lacking the maternal instinct when I have friends gush about how beautiful they feel being pregnant, how much they adore babies, want to discuss giving birth, etc, and I want nothing to do with it.

I agree with Kerri M. Alsobwhile you may not feel it now you never know. Sometimes the motherly instinct takes over after your pregnant or even after you see your baby. It isn't for everyone. I want kids and so does FH but we are both to selfish right now for children. When it happens though I am sure we will be thrilled. Sure your loosing the life you have now but you may just enjoy the new life with a family better.

I am going to be honest. I did not bond with my daughter until she was about 5 or.6.months old. I never really wanted kids, and then I was like if I do I only.want one. People.thought I was nuts. I did not enjoy pregnancy, and I did not feel beautiful and miraculous. However, when I finally did feel maternal, there was absolutely no.greater feeling I had ever experienced. My daughter was the first person I knew without a doubt I would.give my life for. Parenting is hard, and there is no handbook. Sometimes, you feel like a failure. Sometimes.you think you have it down to a science. It isn't for everyone, and it is absolutely ok to feel that way. Your feelings may change..... And they may not. That's ok too. Parenting isnt one of those things where someone can say "Don't knock.it til you try it" cause you cant give kids back. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. The only issue is the fact that you think there is.

I think there are 2 important things you have to do.

1. Be ok with how you feel. If you feel confident that you aren't ready, then you won't care about other people's comments as much. There is a big difference between not being ready and not wanting kids. Even people who want kids yesterday have doubts and fears about being a good parent.

2. Talk to your FH. If you are both on the same page, then everything will be alright.