Nothing received from bridesmaid/bf of 11 years+

I think you're overreacting. She spent $225 dollars for your wedding. She is under no obligation to do anything for your bridal shower or bachelorette party (although if she RSVP'd yes and then didn't show, that sucks) and you should have set up decorations yourself or hired someone to do it. Those are not things the bridal party is responsible for.

To me, it sounds like you were expecting way too much of your bridal party. $225 dollars is very expensive for a BM dress especially if you don't have a lot of extra cash on hand. It would have been nice if she had given you a card or gift, but I don't think anyone has the right to be MAD that someone didn't.

You posted on WW because you were so upset about this - it seems like you're mad. Whatever the right word is, she didn't do anything wrong.

I told our bridesmaids and groomsmen to not get us gifts, and their clothes were way cheaper than a $225 dress. More like $100. I think not giving a card is a little rude, but she also could have forgot and been busy being in the wedding party. If she was struggling financially, I'd assume she couldn't help with other hosted events. I am pretty surprised you chose such an expensive dress after knowing one of your wedding party members didn't have a ton of money to spend. I think she acted completely fine.

I think it is really silly to end an 11 yr friendship over this.

How exactly were you taken advantage of?

Hi D Elle,

I see your frustration however being a bride now and being the bridesmaid before to my best friends and being financially stuck, it is nothing she took advantage of. I wouldn't lose a friend over this unless there are some other issues we are not aware of. Being the bride, I get it, it is frustrating I have one bridesmaid having issues as well and when I get mad, I tell myself it is on her I offered to pay for her dress but if she cant get it on timely manner there is not much I can do. I also have been that bridesmaid, sometimes it is EMBARRASING to admit financial difficulties, sometimes it is hard to let others know what your going through. Sometimes all of that might confuse her head to even think of a card. I don't know her but I do not think she is being spiteful or taking advantage, I think maybe her priorities are mixed or she is just stressed. Nothing you can blame her far in my eyes, it seems to me maybe you have wanted to un-friend her for some time? Because now me as a bride I know that I ask my girls to be my MOH and my BM at my discresion as well as theirs. They say yes to standing next to me at the altar and it is not MANDATED to do anything else or purchase or help. It is courtesy their is no golden rule or policy stating you must help. Their could be many issues in her life you are not aware of which caused her not to help set up or decorate. The fact she wants to be their for you and stand their next to you is a blessing and shows her love, their is nothing about taken advantage just for 1 day of hair and makeup otherwise why did she spend money to waste it on a dress if she took advantage? She bought it because it meant something to be your bridesmaid especially since you gave her the opportunity to step down, if she chose not too then that should show she was not taking advantage of you. I get your frustration and I personally would ask myself is it that your mad at or is there something else that you just do not want to admit in reasons why you want to cut her out of your life

I think you expected too much from her. From the beginning you knew that she was struggling financially and she did to pay $225 for a dress, as well as her paying to make sure her hair and nails looked good for your special day ( because she was going to be highly photographed being a bridesmaid ). It was very nice of you to give her gold earring and pay for her hair, make up. She could have helped with decorating the venue the day before, but I don't think this is a issue that is worth losing a friend that you've had for 11+ years. The fact that you are even considering losing her friendship mostly because she didn't bring you a gift, I feel like there is more to the story than what you just wrote. I would just let it go, like I said I don't think its worth losing a friendship that you've had so long over a gift .

How on earth were you taken advantage of? You asked her to do you the honor of standing next to you in your wedding, which is supposed to reflect the closeness of your relationship. She paid $225 for that honor, when you knew she was having financial struggles, and you're focusing now on how her dress looked at your wedding, are begrudging her the money she spent on herself to look pretty for your wedding, and are apparently upset about the money that you chose to spend on her so that she would match your vision for your wedding (her hair, make up, and earrings for the wedding)?

I think an important thing to note here that no one else really touched on:

"She also did not help whatsoever for the bridal shower and bailed on the bachelorette party and bailed on the help I asked her to set up the decorations at the venue the night before the wedding."

She could have bailed on the parties because she knew financially she could not swing them. I know people have mentioned its not your wedding parties responsibility to do these things but its more important to note, her not showing up for a bachelorette party is a big sign something else was going on. Whether that something else be money or life in general. Its not like she showed up to these events and then just dipped out (even if she did thats okay you're allowed to do that as a guest to a party. But bachelorettes theres no gift giving traditionally , its all about just having fun and being with your girls to celebrate and if she couldn't do that I would say its a money thing.

Sometimes people have to make choices and while they may be hard they have to be made. My best friend got married in 2017 and it was a 7 day cruise wedding. I paid my way to go but I really didn't partake in any of the fun side of things because realistically I knew what I could and could not afford. My best friend was okay with this because we are best friends! She knew where I was in life financially and she was just blessed I was able to come. I bought a bridal shower gift but I did not do a wedding gift. She made herself look nice because hey, maybe her hair and nails cost $100 but having alterations done was $300 so knowing she couldn't afford the $300 she had to make sure she looked presentable in other ways.

Also, while I think she probably should have helped you with decorations if everyone else did its still not a requirement and probably should have been discussed at first. My girls know I need help to get my venue ready because we don't get it till noon day of wedding and Ceremony starts at 4:15 so everyone knows its hands on deck once we get there, but this was prediscussed when I asked them to be my girls.

I really hope you can move forward from this and still be friends with her. You may need to talk to her about things so you don't harbor hard feelings towards her but in no way do I think she is in the wrong or took advantage of you. I do think it was rude to not give a card but we are also in a very different generation now... I don't even get my parents cards for holidays or birthdays.

It is technically acceptable to send a gift up to 12 months after the wedding.

So, since you know your friend is financially strapped, maybe cut her some slack. Maybe you still will get something from her. And if not, let that ish go. It won't hurt anyone but you to hold a grudge.