Hi everyone! So this has been a really hard topic of discussion within my family while planning my wedding and I’m looking for some advice because I know that it is my day but I’m trying really hard not to cause drama. Essentially, I do not want my dad to walk me down the isle because he really hasn’t been the best dad over the years (my parents are divorced and my dad did a lot of things that were not great). However, my uncle (who is also my godfather) has not only done a lot for me while I was growing up but also for my FH over the years we’ve been together. My family thinks I should just walk down myself but I like the traditional aspect of being “given away”. Originally, I planned on not inviting my dad at all but I decided that that was too much. I feel like my family is trying to guilt me into something I don’t want and I’m not sure how to get my day the way I want without offending anyone.
Hi Allison! From reading your post, your heart wants your Godfather to walk you down. I totally understand not wanting to create friction in the family. I would word it “(enter name here/mom/aunt), I’ve given this a great deal of thought and nothing would make me happier than to have godfather walk me down the aisle”. Hard to argue with that 😉 it’s simple, polite and it’s a statement (not a question). Good luck ❤️
Even with the best circumstances someone somewhere will be upset but you aren't doing anything wrong. Set your boundaries and don't let anyone bully you into anything. Say no and say it as often as you need to. This is your wedding, not theirs. Ask fiance to back you up on every decision when they judge and bully you.
Having your uncle as your escort is a great idea. If your gut tells you to invite your father, then follow it. It will never fail you.
If you want to do as you please which is having your uncle walk you down then you need to tell your dad this at least a few months before the wedding so he isn't caught off guard. You need to be honest with him.
My cousin’s (now ex) wife also didn’t want her father to walk her down, so she had her best friend that she considered a brother walk her down while her father sat in the front row. To take away from the “blow” of it all, she still did the father-daughter dance. Would you be comfortable giving him something else to make him still feel like your father but not making you do something you don’t want to do? I struggled with this as well for a long time. I originally was going to just walk down myself or have my grandma walk me down. But my father and I have greatly improved our relationship and I decided I do want him to walk me down, so I never had to have that conversation. I know how you feel though, I also received that pressure and told everyone else it’s my day, I’ll do what I feel comfortable.
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I would give him a father daughter dance but my FH’s mother is not invited to our wedding, for many reasons but we cut her off from contact with us years ago. And I don’t believe that it is fair to do that type of dance if my fiancé doesn’t have someone to dance with as well. I mean we could probably ask his grandmother or his aunt but I’m not sure if he’d want that.