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Not sure if my significant other can make it....

Veronique, on June 19, 2022 at 12:05 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 16
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My husband and I are invited to a wedding and we’re not sure how to indicate that he may not be able to make it, due to health concerns. He wants to come with, but knows there is a chance his health won’t allow it. How do we respond honestly to this invitation? And if we indicate we’re both coming and hubbie isn’t feeling well, when’s the latest I need to tell them he can’t come and it will be just me? Thank-you!

16 Comments

Latest activity by Veronique, on June 24, 2022 at 10:17 AM
  • Imani
    Rockstar July 2022
    Imani Online ·
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    I’d say just that. Let them know that you both are considering attending the wedding. However, depending on his health will determine if he’ll join. As of right now everything seems good - but you’ll let them know at least 2 weeks out if he’s not attending.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Get in touch with the couple and explain the situation. No one should be put off by you being honest. Generally caterers need a final headcount by 3 weeks before the wedding.
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  • Jasmine S.
    Rockstar May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    My caterer didn't require a final count until a week before, so I would ask the couple what's the last possible day you can tell them.
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  • V
    Veronique ·
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    Thank-you, Jasmine. I really appreciate it!
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  • Frederic
    Dedicated October 2024
    Frederic ·
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    Don't have to try and sugarcoat it...... just tell them. You both plan to attend but it'll depend on your SO due to health reasons. They should understand
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  • V
    Veronique ·
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    Thanks so much! That sounds perfect...

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  • V
    Veronique ·
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    Thanks Frederic!

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  • V
    Veronique ·
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    Will do, Michelle...thanks!

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  • V
    Veronique ·
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    Will do, Imani! Thanks!

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  • Frederic
    Dedicated October 2024
    Frederic ·
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    You're welcome 😊 🙏 🤗
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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I agree with calling the couple and letting them know about the situation. An extended family member and her husband were invited to our daughter's wedding. Her husband was an organ transplant recipient several years ago; obviously, they need to be VERY careful about his immunity levels. The week of the wedding, his levels were too low to be safe. We had already talked about her bringing her older teenage daughter, if that were the situation. I made a quick change to a couple of place cards/table assignments and all was good.

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  • V
    Veronique ·
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    Thanks so much! Yes, my SO's energy levels fluctuate a lot so it's hard to know how he'll feel 2 months from now. I appreciate your response.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Yes just have this conversation with them. Even ask directly what’s the latest you could answer for your husband. I had a guest in this situation— she just rsvped yes for the both of them and a week before the wedding reached out bc he wasn’t feeling up to it. I wasn’t bothered, but I had already paid for his seat— but, if we’d had that conversation a week earlier, I wouldn’t have— my caterer’s headcount worked as follows: final numbers due 10 days out. This created a minimum guarantee. If I said 100 that day and 2 people backed out, I’d still be paying for 100. HOWEVER, I could still ADD guests up to 48 hours in advance. In our case we had someone we KNEW was a medical toss up just like your husband— she was officially a yes and would come if she could, but there was a chance she wouldn’t feel up to it. Because of this, at 10 days out, we were able to leave her off the count, and instead added her before that “48 hour” window. So, the best, most helpful thing you can do is fully communicate with the couple!
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  • E
    Super July 2023
    Eniale ·
    • Flag

    First, be honest. If you aren't comfortable telling them why, you don't need to go into detail (I don't want to make assumptions about how close you are or are not). Simply say, we would both love to attend, but we have some health constraints that may impact his ability to do so. If that happens, I will still attend.

    Then, simply ask: what is the best way for us to handle this situation that suits your schedule and needs?

    Allow them to tell you what is best for their planning. They may say "just RSVP for both of you, and if he isn't able to attend the day of, we understand!" Or they may talk to their caterer and make an arrangement where they can be flexible for one person.

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  • V
    Veronique ·
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    Thank-you...and I did just that. They said a couple weeks before the actual date is fine to let them know. So that is good enough for us...thanks so much!

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  • V
    Veronique ·
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    Thanks Mcskipper, we'll have to let them know 2 weeks beforehand...so glad they are understanding. Thanks for your help....

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