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K
July 2020

Not planning on feeding= don’t make it mandatory

Kat, on September 14, 2020 at 9:13 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22
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Please do not invite your bridal party to a rehearsal and then proceed to tell them there will be no dinner to follow.


I’m not taking time off of work to walk down an aisle (which I already know how to do) for you to tell me there will be no dinner to follow. Feed me a dominos pizza for all I care, but no appreciation at all is not okay. End rant.

22 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs. Coakley, on September 17, 2020 at 4:52 AM
  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    So I am going to assume the bride said come to the rehearsal and no dinner afterwards?

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  • Jana
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    Countless rehearsal dinners are pizza and soda which is as inexpensive as it gets. I agree you never ask anyone to take time out of their schedule and don't host them properly with some refreshments you can afford.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    Ya know playing devil's advocate, there are a lot of ettiquette rules that people do not know. Truthfully I would not know any of the wedding or pre wedding etiquette had I not joined this app and visited the forums.

    My MOH when I was a bridesmaid in her wedding she had a rehearsal dinner but we all paid her way. My sorority sister had an evening wedding and due to low budget could not properly feed her guests so according to etiquette she should have had an earlier wedding during a non meal time. Maybe that is bad etiquette but it is what it is. I mean there are so many etiquette rules that not everyone knows or researches it. I can see why the OP is upset but at the end of the day not the end of the world IMO.

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  • K
    July 2020
    Kat ·
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    Yes! I asked what time I needed to be at the church, (5 PM) on a Friday and I live several hours away. I then followed up with where we would be having dinner afterwards and was told no dinner would be provided, but they could recommend places in the area where we could go.
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  • Nicole
    VIP September 2020
    Nicole ·
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    I see your perspective, but etiquette boils down to treating your guests as honored people in your life (especially wedding party as they are typically some of the most important people to you). As long as you’re putting your guests needs and comfort in the forefront, you’re most likely not breaking any etiquette rules.
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  • K
    July 2020
    Kat ·
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    I would say it is breaking etiquette if you are asking your loved ones to travel to come to a rehearsal several hours away and taking time off from their work to them tell them too bad, so sad feed yourself.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    I can see bring frustrated but did she know what was etiquette. I have been a bridesmaid many time and there are times where the rehearsal was paid for and some I paid out of pocket. Now if she knew and chose not to follow then I feel you especially for driving a few hours away. I am sorry.

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  • K
    July 2020
    Kat ·
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    My point is this is a “mandatory rehearsal”, the show can go on without prefacing walking down the aisle the day before, but if you are going I require your wedding party to come a day early and pay for a hotel for an extra day the least you can do is feed them a taco.
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  • K
    July 2020
    Kat ·
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    Thank you for your perspective, I have been in several weddings where this has never been an issue, nevermind during covid times, so perhaps I am being sensitive. I appreciate the feedback.
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  • Jana
    Master October 2022
    Jana ·
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    I completely understand that. Even if someone didn't know goid vs bad etiquette, most people usually try to err on the side of creating as few inconveniences as possible for those around them, but it's not always avoided.
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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
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    No and honestly girl you know what even for My Best Friend's Wedding I was kind of thinking wait a minute I'm driving out of my way for the rehearsal but I have to pay for my own dinner but then I just let it go and had a good time ya know what I'm saying because I know one she wasn't born in this country so just how American weddings' are done she probably just doesn't know a lot and honestly she only had the wedding because her husband wanted her too. She would have just gone to the courthouse so I just give her benefit of the doubt that there's a lot that she didn't know. If it wasn't for these forums I would have thrown myself a bridal shower because before all of this I didn't know it was bad etiquette to throw your own shower and ask for gifts you know? I completely understand why you're upset and honestly if I were in your situation I would be thinking too that if you're going to make me drive out of my way at least feed me. So your feelings are valid but hopefully the wedding itself will be nice. Can I ask you a question? I'm not sure if the rehearsal already happened bc if not would she be upset if you did not go? I mean it would be a little different if you live in the area but if you live far away you can just use the excuse of I can't take off work but I promise you I'll be there for your wedding.
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  • Michelle
    Expert May 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I agree with you, you should have been fed something, charcuterie boards, pizza, whatever.....something. I don’t know a lot of etiquette prior to joining wedding wire, but it never crossed my mind to have a rehearsal without providing something to eat. To me the rehearsal dinner was to be factored into the wedding budget.

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  • Nicole
    VIP September 2020
    Nicole ·
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    Oh, I absolutely agree with you. I was commenting on the idea that people may not know all the etiquette “rules”. If you take care of your guests’ needs and make sure they’re comfortable (fed, watered, etc), then you don’t have to really worry about not knowing any “rules” because you would be following etiquette.
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  • Nicole
    VIP September 2020
    Nicole ·
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    I meant to reply to another poster but it seems like my response got placed on its own! Sorry for any confusion!
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith Online ·
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    There is no need to feed people after any rehearsal. But one someone must travel hours out of her way for, and miss a meal time, that sets an obligation of feeding those attending rehearsal. Generally rehearsals are no big deal. Figuring to walk from here to there is not rocket science. So if skipping only a rehearsal eases issues with work, skip it. At some point, rehearsal or earlier, B,G and someone doing music, should meet with the officiant. If most people are local, is the most common situation for not having an RD after a rehearsal. Spending a half hour so.e time during the week or two before, is no more trouble than a trip to the store or church, and need not cross any meal time. And often, people prefer not to tie up a Friday and Saturday for one wedding. Particularly locals who see each other often.
    Arrive when it is convenient to you. The others can explain it to you, if you miss rehearsal.
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  • M
    Dedicated May 2021
    Maybride ·
    • Flag
    I don’t understand the rehearsal thing. We don’t have them where I’m from. As you said, everyone knows how to walk down an aisle, what more is there to know?
    BUT if this is a thing they are making you attend, especially when you aren’t local, they really should have shouted you dinner or a few drinks at least to take the edge off haha
    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag

    Maybe google etiquette and politely share it with her. It's terrible that she's doing that.

    We do not have a wedding party and no plans for a full rehearsal, but have put out that we will have a pre-wedding night get together with all our guests (US Destination wedding) and instead of a full fledged departure brunch, we are going to pay for their breakfast if they choose to have some before their check out.

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  • Shirley
    Expert November 2020
    Shirley ·
    • Flag

    I say skip the rehearsal if it's out of the way for you and will require you to miss dinner. Like you said, you know how to walk. If the bride asks why, say that the travel is a lot for such a short event and you feel confident you can do a good job without attending.

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  • Vicky
    Super January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Completely disagree. If you have a rehearsal, you need to host something afterwards to thank the attendees for coming.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith Online ·
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    Well, that is nowhere in standard etiquette, for local things, and not ones held at meal times, so it is pretty much what any couple wants to do.
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