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Not picked as a bridesmaid

Blank, on November 27, 2023 at 11:48 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 11
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Hi all! I’m writing this message looking for a place to vent and ask if my feeling should be as hurt as they are.


I recently attended a dinner with 5 of my close friends. We all tend to have very different schedules so this took alot of planning to us all get together. As the night was winding down I got super tired and got ready to say my goodbyes but one of the girls insisted I stay a bit longer. To my surprise that same friend then pulled out bridesmaid proposal’s. As she quickly handed out the bags I awkwardly sat at the table feeling a tad uncomfortable as I did not receive one. Ive been told I tend to be overly sensitive so I tired to keep a positive face as I didn’t want to bring down the joy of everyone else in the moment but inside I quickly felt not valued. As though maybe she didn’t value our friendship as much as I did. Once all the girls received their bags they were all super excited but almost acted as if I wasn’t at the table anymore. As I felt myself getting more upset I said my goodbyes and got up to leave. She gave me a very awkward hug and told me she still loved me and went back to the group. I totally understand that this is a very special time in her life and she can absolutely choose who she wants of course! but it also makes me question are friendship. Is this unfair of me to do so? I didn’t understand why she insisted I stay for me to be excluded. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship but it has me really questioning where we stand.

11 Comments

Latest activity by CM, on November 29, 2023 at 9:56 PM
  • R
    Dedicated June 2018
    Rae ·
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    That was incredibly rude of her. That was inappropriate and just straight mean to have you stay and not invite you. I would be similarly upset and likely would not make much of an effort in the relationship but not necessarily make a deal out of it either. Sounds like a friendship ender in my opinion.

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  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    That was so unbelievably rude and cruel of her! I cannot even wrap my head around this insensitivity! Inviting you and then insisting you stay... to be excluded??! This feels intentional. There's no way someone doesn't realize how wrong what they're doing is.

    I am so sorry you were subjected to that horrendous behavior!

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  • Lisa
    Legend July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    Wow. That was so rude of her! Not because she didn't include you as a bridesmaid, but because she made a point of it to publicly exclude you in front of everyone else. Friends don't treat their friends that way. If you wanted to try to repair the friendship, you could have a conversation with her to let her know why you were upset, and see where things go from there. Otherwise, I would re-evaluate whether this is someone who you want to still spend time around, and if not, I would quietly start to distance yourself from her.
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  • C
    CM ·
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    Awful! No, you're not overreacting. She was incredibly insensitive and inconsiderate. She's offensive or clueless to the point that I would tell her that you felt hurt, not because you weren't asked, but because of the tone deaf, jerky way she handled this. Her reaction would determine what I'd ultimately do about it, but unless there were extenuating circumstances, I'd be seeing her and the friendship differently.

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  • A
    Super January 2024
    Andrea ·
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    That was horribly rude of her to give out the proposal boxes in front of someone she wasn’t asking! Even worse, that she specifically asked you to stay. I can’t fathom what her purpose for it was. So mean!
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  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    Good lord, what a terrible thing to do. She’s not a friend.
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  • Isabella
    Just Said Yes August 2024
    Isabella ·
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    That was very very rude and I would be questioning that as well. That wasn't the appropriate time at all for her to do that.
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  • Michelle
    Champion December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    So mean. That person is not your friend at all
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  • C
    CM ·
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    The only thing I notice is that it wasn't the bride-to-be who begged you to stay, it was one of the BMs. Is it at all possible that she intended to give out the bags after you'd gone home? Of course, that begs the question of how she could know you'd leave first, unless the others had a head up or something. For example, she told only those getting boxes to stay after dinner for some kind of surprise. Could that be why the other BM wanted you to stay so badly? Regardless, the whole thing was in really, really poor taste. And in the unlikely event this is what happened, the bride should have canceled the plan there and then.

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  • A
    Amy ·
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    I read it as the one that wanted her stay is the one that handed out the proposal bags (the bride to be).

    The future bride to be is terribly rude. She's not a friend OP. Smiley sad

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  • C
    CM ·
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    You're right. I read "one of the girls insisted," thinking it was one of the other women but it was the same person, ie the bride. Sorry!

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