TPMD
Dedicated May 2018

Not opening gifts at couples shower - sign

TPMD, on April 10, 2018 at 12:19 PM Posted in Parties and Events 0 49
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So my fmil is throwing us a couples shower in a couple of weeks, and we do not intend to open gifts. She has asked me to come up with some sort of sign to remind people about this when they arrive. Does anyone have any suggestions of good wording for the sign? Thanks in advance!

49 Comments

Latest activity by Jennifer, on October 17, 2018 at 9:29 AM
  • Sarah
    Master June 2016
    Sarah ·
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    Can I ask why? I’ve never been to a shower where gifts weren’t opened- that’s pretty much the whole point of a shower. I don’t think you need to remind guests with a sign though.
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  • magnolia5
    VIP June 2019
    magnolia5 ·
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    I agree with @Sarah. If you don't want to open gifts, I would just have a luncheon without the gifts.
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  • K
    Dedicated September 2018
    Kat ·
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    You could have asked them to wrap on clear celophane so you could see the gifts and go through quickly with a quick thank you without having to take up all that time.
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  • TPMD
    Dedicated May 2018
    TPMD ·
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    I've never been to a shower and didn't really even want one, but fmil insisted. Bridal showers aren't really a thing where I'm from and it's only happening because she really wanted to throw one. Me and fh are both very uncomfortable being centre of attention and just want to be able to hang out and speak to the guests rather than forcing everyone to watch us open presents. I need to make a sign just because fmil has asked for one, it makes no difference to me really, but she is throwing it and I said I would help with whatever she needs.
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  • OG Kathryn
    Champion May 2016
    OG Kathryn ·
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    I think its kind of rude. The gifts are the whole point of the shower. I would just call it something else and skip the gifts.

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  • A
    Expert September 2019
    Anna ·
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    Completely understand where you’re coming from! Well the center of attention and not wanting a shower part. It may be to late to suggest this, but see if the guests can not wrap the presents and have it on display? My cousin did that so guests didn’t have to spend money on something that was going to end up in the trash, and no wasted time opening presents!
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  • TPMD
    Dedicated May 2018
    TPMD ·
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    It's a bit late to call it something else as she sent out the invites and called it a couples shower. I have had nothing to do with the planning etc of the shower, I only got to the country like a week ago, I'm just helping out seeing as I live here now. The guests are all fine with it as far as I know. The ones who have spoken to us about it have said they're happy because watching gift openings is boring.
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  • caitlin
    Super May 2017
    caitlin ·
    • Flag

    We had 2 showers (one couples, one mostly my close friends) without gift opening and no one minded--the gift opening part isn't really a thing among my friends and family, so nobody noticed or cared. we did also give the option of not bringing a gift though and making them more just celebrations rather than gift events. maybe that's something you want to consider? the hosts should be able to spread the word, for you.

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  • TPMD
    Dedicated May 2018
    TPMD ·
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    That's a good idea, thank you! I will see if she can contact people and suggest it. I know she told the guests that gifts aren't being opened on the invitation, but not sure if she suggested anything like that. The plan is for me and fh to open everything in private and take a Polaroid to include in the thank you card. I'm just trying to help her with whatever she asks for because we're living with her until after the wedding, so if she wants a sign, she gets a sign lol
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  • Mrsbdg
    Champion August 2017
    Mrsbdg ·
    • Flag
    I would make a sign saying, "The bride does not like to be the center of attention so please leave your gifts on this table"

    What are you going to do at the shower if you aren't doing the main activity of a shower? I don't understand why one would have a shower if they aren't going to do the main activity of a shower...

    Maybe send an email or text blast telling people to bring unwrapped gifts. You can pass it off as a concern for environmental impact.
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  • TPMD
    Dedicated May 2018
    TPMD ·
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    Thank You! I've tried telling everyone there is no need to bring gifts etc, but gift giving is a huge thing for his family so they all insisted. I'm from the UK where bridal showers aren't a big thing and gift giving for weddings in general isn't a big deal. None of my family or friends from home will be at the shower and they won't be sending gifts or anything.
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  • A
    Expert September 2019
    Anna ·
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    Ohhh I love the picture idea!! Hmmm maybe something like “in Luei of opening presents today, “insert names here” will be spending time with you” or something like that giving them the reminder and letting them know you just want to spend time with them. Hope that helps!
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  • J
    Devoted June 2018
    Janie ·
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    I've been to several showers where gifts aren't opened, but are put out for display. Guests bring the gift wrapped, a hostess or someone welcoming the guests takes the gift to another room, opens it, notes who it's from and what it is, and displays it on a table in the main room for all the guests to look at. I probably worded that weird, but it's not as crazy as it sounds! It's a good way for the bride to spend more time socializing with guests and makes for an organized system of recording gifts for thank you cards. You don't need to tell your guests how to bring their gifts...just let the hostess handle it.

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  • firstoneat56
    Master August 2017
    firstoneat56 ·
    • Flag

    I am always confused when people have a wedding or accept a shower and then say they don't like to be the center of attention. What do you think you're going to do at your wedding, hide in the corner?

    I didn't necessarily relish the idea of opening gifts in front of everyone but I sucked it up and did it since my guests took time out from their day to be with me and get me a gift.

    Putting a sign up seems like rubbing it in your guests' faces and feels passive/agressive. If you really don't want to open the gifts given to you, at least make an announcement to all your guests thanking them for coming, how much you appreciate them and letting them know you'll be opening their gifts as soon as you get home.

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  • TPMD
    Dedicated May 2018
    TPMD ·
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    Thank You! It will probably end up being something along those lines, but including the groom.

    I have no idea. I don't really know what showers are supposed to be or consist of, all I know is it's brunch, mimosas, Irish coffee etc and a celebration with family and friends. She has some sort of guess the age activity with baby pictures of us, other than that it's just about socialising and getting to know each other (I have only met his aunts and uncles etc a handful of times as we lived out of the US for most of our relationship).
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  • TPMD
    Dedicated May 2018
    TPMD ·
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    That's Perfect, thank you!
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  • TPMD
    Dedicated May 2018
    TPMD ·
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    That's a good idea! I will suggest it to fmil Smiley laugh thank you!
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  • Mrs. Sponge
    Master April 2018
    Mrs. Sponge ·
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    No matter how you do it, it is pretty rude to not open gifts at a shower. Sorry you don't like being the center of attention, but you accepted having a shower. It is rude to your guests to not open the gifts they are bringing specifically for the shower. It is the whole point of a shower. You shouldn't have agreed to have one if you weren't willing to be the center of attention for a few minutes.

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  • TPMD
    Dedicated May 2018
    TPMD ·
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    We live with fmil and were basically told we are having a shower regardless. I'm not going to fight someone who wants to do a nice thing for us just because we don't want to open gifts in front of everyone. We have told people they don't have to bring gifts, we just want to hang out with them, but most people have insisted on it anyway.

    From what I understand the guests are taking the time out of their day to come and celebrate with us, not watch us open a bunch of gifts. I would like to be able to spend my time speaking to everyone and properly thanking them for coming.
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  • Kelly
    Savvy May 2018
    Kelly ·
    • Flag

    I didn't open gifts at my shower. The invitation just had a note to wrap in cellophane so the gift is visible - removing the need to unwrap it. I was glad to be able to spend the entire shower speaking with everyone and thanking them individually for coming / their gift. Nearly every guest expressed that they were happy to not sit and watch me open gifts for an hour.

    Since your gifts will not be wrapped in cellophane, I agree with PP to make a heartfelt announcement thanking everyone for coming and for being so generous with their gift (and also be sure to write timely & individualized thank you notes).

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