Not inviting my sister, racist brother in law or their kids

You are 100% within your rights not to invite a racist relative who you believe will be abusive to your guests. In fact, I'd argue that you are completely correct in doing so and I applaud you for having the courage that other people lack.

How to tell your sister depends on how candid you are used to being with her. Does she know how much her husband's views offend you? It is possible to just say, "I'm having a lot of people from various races at my wedding, and you know what your husband's views are. I don't condone them and I won't allow them to be expressed at my wedding. For the comfort of my guests, this is a necessary choice."

If she's offended, well, she's married to an offensive person. That's a reasonable consequence for supporting his views.

Don't say anything to her about the wedding. Then when she asks where her invite is/why isn't she invited, feel free to let her have it. Not inviting her to your wedding will hurt your relationship with her but honestly, after what you described? Goooood riddance. That kind of behavior is ridiculous

I would say to my sister "You just stay there and lie in the bed of hate you been sleeping in. "

But ignoring the racist sick behavior, your sister's manipulative behavior and toxicity alone would be a reason not to invite her. She may act out and it may sever the relationship you have if any. However, that is part of growing.

ETA: I feel bad for children who have parents like this. I hope they realize their parents are sick and run far away from them.

I feel your pain so hard. My brother and my sister have always been shitty towards me and I'm mot inviting them to my wedding. It truly is a love them at a distance thing and rarely even talk to them. The very first day I told my mom I was getting married my sister said her kids weren't allowed to go to my wedding. Mind you I raised those kids for years and my mom does now since or moved to cali. They are in GA. Just to be Fricken spiteful so sad to say that since my mom doesn't care ano ugh to try to get my sister to agree for her and her kids to come then all of my immediate family aren't invited at all. Sometimes you just have to do what's less intense for you when intense comes to crazy family members.

Too lazy to edit, so many errors ugh

I had to not invite a cousin like this. It hurt our relationship, but my new family and my friends didn't deserve the abuse they would have had to endure.

Are you in an interracial relationship? It's hard, and it's hard enough without hateful family members wishing you I'll on your wedding day. She can see the pics on Facebook since she likely won't bother to fly out to you anyways.

This won't be pretty, but I don't blame you at all. I refuse to have ignorance in my presence or the presence of people I care about at my wedding, so I wouldn't mind the consequences of not inviting them. Plus, it seem like a one sided relationship if your sister does not put effort on getting on a plane to see her family. What makes you think she will get on a plane to go to your wedding?

My MOH's husband is not invited because he is a racist asshole who thinks all Muslims are terrorists. She actually brought up the idea of me not inviting him before I even had to say anything. I was so relieved.

Good for you for doing the right thing! They can be racist and toxic at home.

If/when she asks, i think Delfina gave you a great script to use to let her know gently that their ridiculous behavior will not be accepted or tolerated.

I wouldn't mention it to her. She sounds irrational as it is, she isn't going to care about your views or reasonings. Just don't send her an invite and avoid speaking to her about the wedding. The less contact the better. Sad to say but sometimes family is the hardest to deal with. Good luck.

I think Delfina can great advice on what say, so I dont have much to add. But I did want to give kudos for your refusal to tolerate hate! Hate and ignorance should never be ignored or overlooked. Good on you for standing your ground!

My sister isn't racist, I dunno if she married this guy thinking she could change his ideas. Through the time that they have been married though, I have endured her behavior becoming worse and worse. Had to unfriend her on facebook because of the rants, shaming, etc. I am trying to create a relationship where if we meet, it is in a neutral place- no more visits to her home after one horror of a xmas. Not being close with my niece and nephew hurts but it has gotten to the point where self-preservation is key. I know that if I bring it up she'll be mad. And I know if I don't and she finds out from friends and family she'll be mad. I guess doing some damage control after is my route.

To answer, I am not in an interracial relationship however, SEVERAL of our friends and family are. I can only imagine he will say something to someone.