Not inviting my generation of *young* relatives...

If you're making it an adult only celebration then it should be ok. It's all about how limited in space you are too.

That's fine. As long as you invite in circles, as you are explaining, of only certain generations, that's not uncommon. I would maybe talk to your mom about how she thinks her family would react. Undoubtedly, some people will feel left out.

I have a similar situation all my cousins (22 of them plus their partners) are older than me. Some are 50+ with kids older than me. My rule is everyone's kids are invited but, unless you are married/seriously dating, no plus one. Many cousins who have young kids are opting to get a sitter. You can make a rule that it is 13 and older or even 18 and older if that works for you.

If you did 21+, I think you'd be fine.

It's not quite the same situation, but I also come from a big family on my dad's side. When all of us are together (just aunt, uncles, cousins, and their respective families) it's something between 50-60 people. Since all of my dad's family lives in MI or IL and we live in NC, we decided to to invite aunts, uncles, and cousins that lived at home (there were only a few). My sister did the same thing, and it worked well for us.

My aunt still invited my adult cousins to the bridal shower they held for me in MI (which I know is an etiquette faux pas, but I didn't realize they were on the list until the shower), and a couple of my cousins came. They all understood, though - we have always lived 12+ hours from family and travelled to them. It would have been challenging for everyone to travel to NC and my family stopped inviting all the cousins to weddings once everyone started having kids.

Some are going to feel left out, but just be clear on invites that it is an Adult ONLY celebration. You could always have a larger low key get together like a BBQ or a Bon Fire and include the younger generations to that. Then everyone could be included.

My FH’s family is pretty big with lots of Aunts, Uncles & cousins. We decided on a DW and decided not to invite any aunts, uncles or cousins so no ones feelings get hurt on either side. We’ll have an informal reception at home and invite the families although most won’t show because everyone is so spread out.

Make a hard line age cut off! for example, "we're not inviting anyone under (insert age)" and make that cut off known to family if they inquire! If someone has a toddler, and another an adult child, it makes sense for the adult child to be invited but for the toddler to not be if its "adults only"

I'm in a similar situation. We're only inviting first cousins but only first cousins we're close to, mostly because of space limitations. We have SO many people to invite and my FH is super close with his first cousins on his father's side, but hasn't seen some of his first cousins on his mother's side in five years. It doesn't sound fair but we both have HUGE families and in chatting with both of our mothers, this is the best way to go.

I think if you tell them there is a 21+ age requirement that should make it understood why some aren’t invited.

Thank you so much, everyone-- very reassuring to know I'm not the only one in this situation! And lots of great advice Adults only seems to be the way to go!

Hey, I’m in the same situation! My family on my dads side is huge, and when explaining to FH how everyone is related I was at a total loss, even with trying to draw a family tree diagram 😂

if I were you try starting your guest list in groups. For example: your moms cousins and their spouses. Then see what number you get to. From there look at their kids (your generation from the sounds of it). I think it’s perfectly fine to just set an “adults only” rule. 18+ or 21+ People usually understand and accept. Or you can just stick to your moms cousins and their spouses. But organizing it will help you track how many people you can expect.

My mom and dad's cousins were invited, but not their children. I'm not close with their children anyway.

Yep! Same as a lot of previous posts are saying: as long as you are doing certain generations and not a few of each, you're fine. And really, if theres a 17 or 18 yr old cousin you want there, i doubt anybody would say boo about it if you invited them along too. Totally normal situation, you're good!