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Savvy November 2022

Not Inviting Estranged Aunts/uncles?

Kali, on July 25, 2019 at 8:51 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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So my BF and I are informally engaged (we've begun wedding planning, but the date will be 3 years down the road). We want to keep it very small and intimate, ~30 people tops. I have 1 relative on either side of my family that I do not want to invite, firstly because I have spoken to them twice in the past 15 years and I'd rather have family friends there who have acted like aunts/uncles my entire life. The aunt on my father's side has a bad relationship with my mother, and although I know my mother would put aside that bitterness, I don't want to put her through that stress. Is there a way to politely bring this up to my parents when my BF and I become formally engaged? Or is it better to invite them to be polite, but plan a wedding in a location far away from them (they live in the north, most of my and my BF's family is in the south)? Is this just plain rude? Thanks!

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Laura, on July 25, 2019 at 7:14 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on July 25, 2019 at 8:55 AM
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I'm not sure why you would invite someone that you haven't had a relationship with in 15 years or why it would be an issue for your parents. This doesn't sound like something that you need to worry about for a very long time, but when the time does come, it doesn't seem like it needs to be a point of conversation. I would think your parents would assume you're not inviting people that neither you or they have a relationship with.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on July 25, 2019 at 9:02 AM
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My husband didn't invite his estranged aunts and uncles aha. Invite whom you want there to support you that day.
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on July 25, 2019 at 9:05 AM
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Honestly, I wouldn't even bring it up unless they specifically ask about them. When the time comes, tell your parents that you plan to have a small wedding, and show them your guest list. IF they ask why you aren't inviting those specific people, just explain to them that you want to keep your wedding small and intimate so you can't invite everyone.
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Savvy November 2022
Kali · on July 25, 2019 at 9:15 AM
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That's good to hear. Originally, my BF and I were planning to pay for the wedding, but my parents have mentioned that they would contribute some money, hence the concern with not inviting their sister/brother.
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Master May 2019
Chandra · on July 25, 2019 at 10:18 AM
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I didnt invite my mom or my dads brother for that reason. I dont have a relationship with them and they've put my parents through emotional hell. My parents know how to be cordial and said I could invite them and I said "why should I? They have never reached out for something as simple as saying happy birthday...."
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Super August 2020
Anna · on July 25, 2019 at 11:31 AM
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I'm in a very similar situation and will not be inviting the estranged aunt because I think it would negatively impact my mom and I want her to have a wonderful time.
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Master December 2019
Courtney · on July 25, 2019 at 4:16 PM
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We both have estranged family members that we're not inviting and neither one of us is stressed out about it.
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privateuser · on July 25, 2019 at 6:30 PM
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If this were a 250 person wedding, I'd say F it, invite them. But since you are keeping it small, it will not be shocking that estranged relatives won't make the list. I had a similar situation. An uncle and their family on each side. The one uncle on one side is a jerk, so that was obvious. The other uncle, same as you. I haven't seen him since I was a child, unless it was a funeral, so I didn't remotely feel bad. We do not have a relationship and I won't see him until the next funeral anyways.
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VIP November 2019
Laura · on July 25, 2019 at 7:14 PM
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We're having a small wedding as well. It never even occurred to me to invite my mother's brothers and their wives. They're all estranged and I've had very little contact with them as an adult. Why would I invite them, even if I was having a bigger wedding? I want family at my wedding, not relatives.
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