Not inviting certain members to the family - possible backlash?

You just have the be prepared for the backlash- it will happen.
We are not inviting one of my aunt/uncle, their 2 adult kids (my cousins) + their partners + their kids. This is 11 people total that are immediate relatives of mine. We are inviting all other aunts/uncle/cousins, so this will cause a major problem. My mom and my aunt (sisters) had a massive fallout more than 10 years ago and they haven't spoken since (including the cousins). Things got nasty beyond belief and although I have maintained civil contact with my aunt/uncle (see them maybe 2x annually for tea) I will not be inviting them because it's more important to me that my parents have a good time and are comfortable. I sent save the date's last week and I know it's only a matter of time before they realize they didn't get one. It's NOT going to end well but I have prepared myself mentally for worst-case response and that's all you can do too. You can't use the budget excuse because it's BS. Just say the truth.

I feel your pain! I am not a HUGE fan of my uncles. In fact If I could have it where they aren't there I would, but unfortunately I cant (Currently I am living with my mom and grandma. Mom no longer works to help take care of grandma who has dementia. Its an on going battle, but we really don't want to put her in a nursing home thanks to having seen what happened to my grandma Deihl and My great grandmother. ) They both live with us currently and I hate it! They are full of drama, no good opinions ( they both have that caveman mentality of me man, you woman, you do as I say and for me I don't matter since they still see me as a kid) Its because they LIVE with us I don't really have a choice but to invite them because that would make things severely awkward in the house.

Let me put some back story here, They are both convicted felons, one is federal the other is state (the state has been in and out for almost all my life, while the other has only really be in twice. Once for 19 years and the other for two. I'm 31 to give some perspective.) They drink and get extremely rowdy, like fist fights with each other (i called the cops on that once) and we will have beer and wine at our wedding (i said no to the harder stuff mainly because of them.) And this I hope also explains the reason behind the he-man caveman mentality. we really don't want them to be there, but I will say when they behave themselves, they are great people. But in order to keep the peace in the house (and keep my grandma calm and not freaked out) They are invited to the wedding. I know it seems like I'm caving in here to allow this, but this is unfortunately my only option (only until the house is fully in my name and I can say GET OUT!!)

For me I do have a backup plan. My FH and the best man are going to be watching them closely and I have asked that security be "Undercover" at the wedding in case they decide to act out or even begin to be totally obnoxious. This way I can still enjoy my day, we won't be dealing with a lot of their drama and the like and for now its a win win.

My suggestion to you is this, be honest with your grandparents. Don't let the cousins know anything. Explain why you don't want them there and why you think its a bad idea, and if you have to cave to have them there then ask a few select relatives you trust to act as surveillance for you and if it gets out of control, have it where they are asked to leave, whether its calmly or not I cannot say, But talk with your venue/point of contact/coordinator about this as well and have a plan(s) in place just in case, Its what I am doing. My mom doesn't like it, but she understands. Its even why we are hiring a nurse for the day to stay home with my grandma (as much as I would like for her to be there, its not good for her or her mental state)

I come from a large family. My father is the youngest of 18 births. While not all survived and/or had children, I have about 50 first cousins! Some of these cousins I only met once, if at all. Even if we had invited cousins I would not have invited them all, especially not the ones that disrespect my relationship to my FW. I don't believe you have to invite all cousins, just the ones you are close to. You cannot control how others will feel or react, so as long as the goal is not to hurt people I say do what is best for you.

Expect some backlash but don't dwell on it. I invited my 2nd cousin and my great Aunt but none of my first cousins at all or any other aunt or uncle. Why? Because they don't take part in my life. They're not horrible people but when thinking about who plays a role in my and my family unit's lives I literally only see them or hear from them at funerals and our annual family reunions. There's been some mumbling about it from my mom's brothers and my cousins on my dad's side but they'll get over it.

I'm in the same boat! We just have to stand our ground!

My FH and I had a similar issue, but closer to home. He and his mother had a blowout and one thing led to another and he cut her off. Thus she isn't invited to our wedding. What we did was talk to those of his family that are going to be invited and let them know she isn't attending. If they still wanted to come we'd love to have them and if not that's okay too. Let them make their own decision. If they love you they should be there to support you and your marriage. Not for a family feud. Best of Luck!