Not inviting a family member?

Wow! I kind of feel you on this. I am sorry. Maybe just let her come to the wedding but don't include her in anything else. Just tell her then she does not have to come. If she causes more issues then let her know she does not have to attend your wedding. That's just me though.

I'm so sorry, I have an awful aunt too! Just to let you know about my experience with this type of situation: my family is extremely small as well. Her son was the ring bearer, they knew the wedding date for a year, and all of the sudden (3 months before the wedding) she told me they are not coming anymore because of another vacation conflict and her having to pull her son out of school for the wedding. She didn't tell me about the other vacation, her son blabbed it to the family and we found out the real motive. After a LOT of drama, I uninvited her, but she apologized and is apparently coming now.. but I told her that her son cannot be the ring bearer any longer because they are hateful and unreliable. Honestly, I wish she weren't coming and that I said no when she asked if she could still come.

Anyway! I don't think that anyone who behaves that way should be included in your day, toxic people are toxic regardless of whether or not they are family! If you decide not to invite her, it is HER fault! That type of comment is so rude and I can't believe she said that to you. I know it's a hard decision because you're thinking about what the rest of your family would think, but it is about you and feeling comfortable and happy without distraction or stress. I understand if you choose to still invite her because I'm in a similar tough spot, but I support you if you decide that she doesn't deserve to be included. People like this make me feel so angry. It's so kind of your FH's aunt to throw your shower and EVERYONE should be grateful to them for that.

Ugh, I feel you. But are you asking if you should not invite her to your wedding? I don’t think that’s a good idea. Any snottiness on her part will just reflect poorly on her and in public she’ll probably behave. Don’t let her visit your bridal suite when y’all are getting ready though. Nope, nope.

Yes, I have experienced something similar. I decided to avoid all conflict and not have a wedding all together. My FH and I will be eloping.

Ugh that just sounds horrible. I have no clear solutions, but wish you didn't have to deal with your self-absorbed aunt.

It is your wedding. Only invite who you want to be there. I didn't invite my brother because I hate his wife and knew he wouldn't come without her even with her not being invited. I do not regret having a drama free day!

I would still include her in the wedding, but if it's her decision to miss the events leading up to it, that's on her. This is a really tough situation, and I'm sorry this is happening, but you have a lot of other things to worry about that I wouldn't stress yourself over this. Just focus on the good and love others are showing. Good luck!

I feel you with the idea that she may be toxic. however, I really recommend just letting it be what it will be. Personally, I would tell her that she is still welcome only if she decides that she can be an adult about things and treat all of your family (to include future in laws) with respect.

If she is this divisive, she may not come to the wedding since "outsiders" (i.e. friends of yours and your FH's family) will be there! Just invite her and hope for the best!

I definitely can relate to this - roughly a year before my wedding my grandma passed away and that unfortunately put my mom and some of her siblings at odds (don't you hate how stuff like that can bring out the worst in people)?

Ultimately I invited my aunt, similarly to you my mom and myself were torn between being the bad guys for excluding her vs. her showing up and behaving poorly at the wedding. She ended up RSVP'ing no, which, if your aunt is refusing to attend the shower with other family members she doesn't like then she will likely do the same and decline a wedding invite. But in this scenario you definitely come out as the bigger person and if she does RSVP yes then this is a great opportunity for her to show you that she can act like the adult I'm sure she is underneath that irrational anger (and if not, have a designated person that is NOT you keep an eye on her and help her catch a cab if she starts behaving poorly)

Good luck!!