Not invited

Are they commenting on posts about the wedding or just on random things? If you are sharing about the wedding, I’d stop doing that. If it’s just random posts, I’d ignore their comments. If they’re messaging you privately, you could just say “we’re keeping it small to just closest friends and family.”

View Quoted Comment I posted engagement photos because I was in love with them and they are private messaging me. Lol
And thank you, I’ll tell them that. I feel like I’m being rude saying they can’t come, but dang weddings are expensive. I can’t invite everyone I want to.

I don't know why people think it's okay to invite themselves to weddings, but it seems like it happens to everybody. When people do it to me, I apologize and say that the venue only holds 65 people, which is true because we're getting married in a small, local chapel. People seem to understand that we're making tough decisions and have been mostly respectful of that.

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Good, it's not just me. lol
I like that idea, sounds less rude than "its $45/plate I cant afford you and your 3 kids" lol
My fiance and I are paying for this ourselves, so we're trying to keep it budgeted. We have 60 guests right now. Thank you for the advice!

That's a tough one and I have no advice lol. I've had that happen to me 3 times and I just ignored the post 😬🤦🏾‍♀️ I know it's bad but seriously, if I haven't seen you in YEARS...10+ YEARS, don't even have your number, no communication ever...what makes you think I'd invite you??? 🤦🏾‍♀️

We wanted a intimate wedding so the venue we chose was small and the guest limit was strict so we just informed anyone that asked and was not going to be invited that we were limited in guest space and were keeping the guest list to family.

View Quoted Comment What Sarah advised is standard etiquette, considered quite polite. So practice what you said in your post, " we are planning a small wedding of only a few close friends, and family." And repeat as needed. And, long term, make things to do with wedding planning only visible to those involved with the wedding. Let everyone else find out things at the wedding. Talk on the phone, and send messages to keep things off of social media except in the most indirect ways. If you have a whole bunch of people you suddenly want to tell a bunch of funny stories, and many wedding things, write a full letter style email. But do not address it to a group of people. Or some recipients will pass it on to 10 not invited. Write all the news, copy it onto an email form with one person in the address, over and over so you have a large number of emails addressed to one person or couple. And at top, write, please do not forward this email. We are having a small number of guests, and to not want to go on about our wedding to those not invited . Doing it as emails addressed individually also means the easiest replies will be individual emails to you. Not responses by social media.

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Right!?? It makes no sense.

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I'll definitely do all that. Thank you.
But just so you know, these are messages from me posting 2 engagement photo shoot pics as profile pictures and people DM'd me. I didn't say a word about a date, a venue, nothing. just a photo and was bombarded by acquaintances.

View Quoted Comment People start this stuff when their mother tells them a mutual friend's mom told her hairdresser.
But some people operate on a special mind channel. If they say something in a public way, that amounts to, we are all happy for you. And the next time, I am looking forward to it. And soon, I saw the perfect dress to wear to your wedding, and another for your shower, and bought them! And while you are sitting back saying, hold on, what makes her think she is invited. And two other people she has told, are thinking, we are better friends than she is. Steph must be having a big blowout, and we are all going. And they start calling g each other, who is riding with whom, and will there be a designated driver, or shall they get a couple of hotel rooms? It is oncidious. And the more times you give the small wedding speech, on social media, and the fewer social media references, the better. Why anyone would want to go to a casual acquaintance's wedding, I don't know. But some people have rich fantasy life, and a high estimation of their worth to everyone. One crumb of information, one dropped chocolate chip of happiness, and a line of ands heads on over to you.

It is so rude when people do that. But telling people "you aren't invited" or "our venue is full" gets easier the more you have to do it. If they get mad, it isn't your issue. You have other things to worry about. It may sound harsh but people in my circle generally don't pick up what you're putting down if it's not said straight out.

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That's a whole lot of unnecessary work. Just respond with "we're having a small, family and close friends wedding." Then stop posting wedding stuff on social media.

Easy peasy. Just tell them you’ve decided on a small family affair. You don’t really have to explain beyond that but you can tell them you didn’t want to break the bank or it was too hard to get all your family together or whatever. Just thank them for their understanding and support.

It is rude of others to think they should be invited. I have a friend who is like begging for an invite, even like asking my moh to be her plus one. If they are messaging you directly just say it's very sweet you are happy for me but we are having a very intimate wedding and could not invite everyone.