Not Invited to Nephews Wedding

If you weren't invited to the wedding, I don't see why you should have to get them a gift. I'm sure they aren't expecting gifts from people they didn't invite.

Also if they had that sort of budget and intentionally chose to go all out just for those 14 people, it's pretty obvious that they didn't want to have a big wedding, not that they couldn't afford one. I wouldn't take any personal offense, since the majority of their family wasn't invited.

You need to let this go. It is difficult enough being the bride or groom and creating a guest list and realizing you can't invite everyone who wants to come. As a way to stay true to who they really want there they have limited it to their immediate family only and their best friends. Good for them. Why shouldn't the bride invite her best friends?

As for giving them a gift, this is up to you. I personally wouldn't be petty about it though. If I really loved my nephew enough to be hurt that I wasn't invited to his wedding, I would wish him all the happiness in the world and send him and his bride a gift.

A lot of us have to make tough decisions about our weddings and guest lists taking many factors into consideration. It's okay to be bummed. Honestly, the bride's guest list isn't any of your business. I'm sure there is a reason she felt her 3 best friends should be invited. To me, it's not a big deal at all to not give a wedding gift for a wedding you're not invited to. Don't give them a gift if you dont want to. I doubt they will think twice about it. Try not to take it personal. If their wedding only has 14 people invited, I'm sure there are plenty of people close to the couple that are not invited.

View Quoted Comment All of this!

Just a quick note. A gift won’t be expected in the least. You don’t have to give them a gift. You can send a card or nothing at all. Please send well wishes only if you genuinely and sincerely wish them the best.

View Quoted Comment Exactly this!

People can choose who they want to invite and you can have whatever emotions you feel about it and it’s not required to send any sort of gift. I don’t find this unfair and I only would if they invited every aunt except you or something like that. Also I would try to avoid taking on other people’s emotions. Your mom can be upset if she wants or she might not be but to say you are upset for her isn’t really fair.

It's okay to feel hurt, but from the B&G perspective, if its $30k for 14 people, imagine how much it would be if they included everybody who wanted to come. It's their wedding and they chose who they wanted to come to it.

They are entitled to spend as much money on their wedding and can invite whomever they want. Unfortunately they decided to draw the line very short on their guest list. I am also having a small destination wedding, and both my fiancé and I have decided to not invite most of our extended family. No cousins are invited on either side, and he’s only invited one of his aunts. We chose to invite our closest friends instead of family we only see at funerals at best. I’m sure some feelings were hurt by us too, but we saw very quickly that if we wanted to keep it a small wedding, we had to draw the line short as well.

I totally understand why you are upset, but there’s not much you can do about it. If your mother is in good health, I think it would be appropriate to bring up her going (I say in good health because my grandmother is 95 and would require a lot of work to attend, which is why she is not coming to my wedding). You also can’t compare the brides friends to your family. I have friends I grew up with that I am much closer to than any family member. She may not have anyone else, and that is her family. It is also her wedding, and you can’t criticize her for that.

To answer your question, you are never required to give anyone a gift, even if you are invited to a wedding. I would congratulate them and wish them well, because I’m sure being left off the guest list was not anything personal against you.

Intimate weddings include the guests the bridal couple are closest to so that’s the people they chose.

There is a good chance many people would invite their best friends over their extended family if they had to choose. In life, we don't pick our family, but we pick our friends...they are probably closer to their friends than they are to you. I'm sure their guest list decision was very difficult already and I don't think you should say anything. It's ok to feel disappointed though! You are entitled to your feelings. However, I wouldn't share them with the bride/groom. Don't feel obligated to give a gift but do so if you see fit.

I'm sorry, but it's their day. They should be able to spend as much as they please. And I'm assuming the bride is much closer to her best friends than she is with you, so why would you take precedence over them just because you're family? You are entitled to your feelings but, unfortunately, we are not entitled to everything in life. Please understand that they were probably not trying to slight you. They most likely just wanted their nearest and dearest.

View Quoted Comment Yes I agree I will have to let it go. And I do realize that it is hard putting a guest list together. I personally had a lovely wedding and we had 150 people as we wanted to celebrate with everyone. The bride and grooms families are splitting the bill $15,000 each. And yes it is their choice of how to spend it. Our uninvited side of the family is very small. 1 aunt, 1 grandmother. I am not sure about the brides side of the family. It doesn't make it hurt any less though. Just so you know I will likely be expected to give them a present and I will give them a present. I am just sad and needed a place to air my feelings thanks for the comments.

Since you're not invited, I wouldn't feel compelled to buy a gift!

I would be hurt too. It would be different if she wasn't have her friends there. That is so very wrong. Since you were not invited I wouldn't send a gift. I'm sorry you have to feel this way. My niece and nephew are my world and i'd be devastated.

First off, swallow your pride, that day is not about you and it's really not fair for you to judge them like that or act like THEIR WEDDING DAY is about hurting you. I doubt it is. Unless you were the one shelling out the $30k, they don't owe you anything and in turn, YOU don't owe them anything either - if you by the goodness of your own heart want to be a kind aunt and shower them with a gift anyway, then do so. If not, then don't, there's no obligation for you to provide anything. They envision their wedding as being intimate, maybe it is a bit tacky of them (or whomever told you) to talk about everything in front of you and not invite you but its their day, let them do what they want with it.

That day means way more to the bride and groom than it does to you. I'm sure they picked the 14 most important people in their lives that are immediately around them on a regular basis, and just because she picked 3 people not in her family why should that mean you or anyone else in his family out rank her friends, who might be closer than sisters to her? Or perhaps she doesn't have as big of a family as him and invited the 3 closest people to her that make up for lack of immediate blood relatives. Either way, she is the bride she is allowed to invite whomever she wants too.
I'm sure she had to make a few cuts on the list of her own family and friends too.

I understand being sad to be left out of the lavish wedding of someone you feel close to. However if you love him and consider yourself close to him, celebrate their marriage by sending them a gift, card or just well wishes. They definitely are entitled to have the wedding they wanted. It’s fine to be bummed, but respecting their wishes is the right thing to do. Don’t hold a grudge. Celebrate those you love.

I can understand being hurt. However, even though it is costing them approximately $30,000, it doesn't mean anyone is entitled to be invited. It most likely isn't about the money. They want a small intimate wedding which is understandable. Our original guest list was about 135-140. Now it is almost 180 which we are really regretting but didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. We couldn't invite one cousin and not the other. Let them celebrate their love and marriage how they choose. Be happy for them whether or not you choose to give them a gift.

First, You don't need to send them a gift if you aren't invited.

Second, I am having a destination wedding of 20 people and we are sitting at 33k. We aren't inviting a lot of our family members but more friends because we feel closer to the friends than those family members who weren't invited. It's not about money.

Some of them, I haven't seen since I was 3, some of them I've hung out last year but I've personally felt that my friends have been there through thick and thin and are much closer to me than my cousins or aunts or uncles. It really depends on how comfortable people are with the family members or how close they feel.

This definitely isn't unfair. Us brides are already having a hard time narrowing down a guest list with such a tight budget and small number of guests. It's their wedding and they can invite whomever they want to. Only give them gifts if you sincerely mean it and wish for their happiness.

It's understandable to feel hurt. I know it's probably not a comfort but I'm sure some others not invited feel the way you do. Gift giving is always optional. If it was me I would still give a gift or money but not as much as if I was invited or attending.

It’s understandable that you’re hurt, that’s your nephew. I’m glad that you have this place to air your rants and hopefully people were constructive, not just outright mean.

I do agree with PP’s though. It sucks, but it’s their day. The best thing you can do is be the best person you can be and write them a heartfelt card and even give a gift if you want (which it sounds like you want to, because you love your nephew).