Not invited to brother's wedding

I am so sorry you are going through this. You can not make someone change who they invite or dont invite. Maybe you should tell the truth to your SO about this woman. But you be upset that you arent invited but there is nothing you can do about it so i suggest trying to get past it.

I'm sorry, Anon. Some of your post makes sense to me (like having issues with someone who lived with you for three years -- file that under "No good deed goes unpunished), and some of it doesn't.

You mention a husband in your first paragraph, and then mention a fiance in the second paragraph (and you say he probably invited the woman you really dislike). Then, you refer to this person as a ring bearer.

I'd love to weigh in, but can you slow it down a little and give us some clarity? Are you having a renewal ceremony on June 17 or are you referring to your FH's/husband's brother's wedding? I read your post a few times, and I'm still confused.

It's impossible to tell what you're talking about.

Sorry character limit caused bad editing I guess

My husband's brother is getting married. It is his fiance being referred to.

My husband's brother was the ring bearer at my husband and my wedding.

Also the forum remove's the formatting/spacing I included to separate thoughts. The spacing might have helped.

The info about the other woman was included as one of the reasons we may not have been invited.

Reading through your posts and trying to completely separate responses. All of us - my husband, me, my kids, my brother-in-law, brotherinlaw's fiance, husband's parents are regularly in touch with each other and attend family functions. They will all be at my daughter's graduation. So there isn't hard feelings that I know of to the point of anyone being shut out of anyone's life.

The other woman is not who he is marrying. It is a friend of theirs. One who again and again tried to turn my husband and I against each other, tried to tell me how horrible my brother in law is. Then went telling other people how horrible my husband and I are and not to be friends with us. I don't really care that they are friends with her. Nothing I can do about it without hurting a lot of people. But I don't have to like her.

Sorry I'm just curious... So your husbands brother was the ring bearer at your wedding but your date says you're getting married in June, are you renewing your vows?? I don't know it's hard to lend advice when there's only one side the the story heard. Sorry to hear this is all going on tho.... I'm definitely used to similar drama. My brother is a terrible person. I don't know it just sounds like there is a mutual dislike between you guys and maybe he doesn't want you there because he doesn't want drama at the wedding. My brother never showed up to my wedding and I was glad actually because he didn't cause any problems. The fact that you say you hate this woman.... why would they want someone at the wedding who hates the bride? I'm assuming that's who's getting married. Would you want someone at your wedding who you knew hated you? Um yeah no thanks. Sorry but it's just how it goes... there's no such thing as an automatic invite because you're family

ETA: just read where you say the woman is a friend of theirs. Okay so if this person is close to them then they don't want someone there who hates her. It is what it is. I don't know your post is still kind of confusing. Either way there's no such thing as an automatic invite. I'd brush it off.... it hurts for a little but life goes on.

Mostly I am feeling bad for the slight to my husband and daughter that may have been brought on by me. I just don't feel the wedding is the place for any of this to be happening. Everyone should be invited and behave themselves. Because that is what you do for family.

Ahhhhhh some of the confusion makes sense now. My husband's brother (my brother-in-law) is getting married in June, you can't post without registering, you can't register without a date.

Okay, so you're not a bride-to-be and you're not having a vow renewal. You're asking a question as a family member who is not invited, along with your family, to your BIL's wedding.

Okay, start here. Ask your husband how much this matters to him. Sometimes siblings have estrangements, and unfortunately, some of those estrangements cross the timelines of weddings. Is he hurt, disappointed, or angry that he and his family haven't been invited to his brother's wedding? Maybe he has no interest in reconnecting with his brother (and what part this "woman" played in this breakdown is still a mystery, but let's just accept that, for argument's sake).

You obviously care. If you didn't, you wouldn't have started this thread. Talk to your husband, and together, come to a consensus. If both of you feel that you are being unfairly excluded, you have two options: get past it OR confront it. First of all, be certain that this isn't a parents' only wedding or an elopement. If it's not, and other family members are invited, is he, your husband, willing to have a conversation with his brother about this wedding?

Who knows? Maybe his brother will say, "I didn't invite you because I never thought you'd come. I thought you hated me." He could also say, "No. You're not invited. Deal with it." Without communicating, you're just guessing at what they're feeling, and they're just guessing at what you're feeling.

Start a conversation -- his brother has answers we don't have.

How do you know you all are not invited? Did your BIL announce that? Or is this based on not getting an invitation when everyone else has already? Things do get lost in the mail.

I am confused about what the woman you hate has to do with anything. If there is no open estrangement between your husband and his brother it is more likely a lost invite than a convoluted revenge on you for hating some friend of his. We need way more details to understand what the issue is.

I am so confused by this. Also your BIL was your ring bearer... was he a child at the time or a college graduate?

How much younger is the BIL than your husband, if he was ring bearer at your wedding??

I would imagine that living with you for 3 YEARS would make your relationship strained, but how long ago was that? You say that there are no hard feelings and you keep in regular contact with his family, so your husband should just ask his brother why you all aren't invited to his wedding. I would be devastated if my sibling didn't invite me to their wedding.

It is the B&G's decision who gets invited and who doesn't. The guest list is an area filled with sharks. This is an example. Perhaps another family member could call and ask why you weren't invited. Your family relations are obviously strained.

I think this is an issue between brothers.