not having church wedding...

I think its your wedding. I dont want to sound rude by any means, but thats what it comes down to, as for them helping you pay, as awkward as it will be you should just ask. I know im not much help, but i hope i made you alittle better. :].

I'm going to tell you what my folks keep telling me. It's your wedding, it should be meaningful to you. If that means getting married by a dear friend under the open sky, then so be it! It's wonderful they have offered to help pay, but if it means sacrificing what you have your hearts set on it's not worth it. If they haven't given you a number, or better yet a check, I wouldn't count on them contributing. And personally, I think outdoor weddings are beautiful - it's what FH and I are doing.

If they aren't paying for it they can't pick it.

However- if they haven't promised a certain amount/ you don't have the $ in the bank keep in mind your decision may literally cost you.

Do what makes you happy. If their gift is strictly dependent on the church and officiant, then decide if it's really something you need to have your day go the way you want. Plan to pay for the wedding on your own. If they're serious about contributing, they'll bring it up again. That's the time to ask questions about when and how much.

I'm not having mine in a church either and am also having a good friend (who got ordained online) marry us and we very well may catch some flack for it... But at the end of the day, both I and FH are the ones footing the bill and we will do things however we want!

My dad's a pastor and FH's family is very staunchly Catholic so believe me I get family pressures when it comes to religion. I just don't think a religious wedding ceremony should be decided based on money. It should be about your faith and what the two of you want as a couple.

If you guys are undecided but you feel at home in church and the sacrament is meaningful, then I would consider it. Especially if you're Catholic and you want your marriage recognized by the church so you can take communion and such. If you would rather have a secular wedding that's more tailored to the two of you, I definitely would not. One isn't less meaningful than the other when it comes to your marriage, it's just about how you want to involve the church.

It's a big decision and for some people it's the first time they step away from their parents' religious practice - I just think you have to decide that first, and consider the money second. It's really just about what YOU want.

Tactfully remind your family that God created the world and men created the church building. God is not confined to bricks and mortar. Also, WHO performs your ceremony is relatively unimportant compared to WHY you get married. Your vows carry the same weight whether you say them in front of a priest or a judge or a friend.

Tell them that the Bible defines a church as a gathering of believers, not a building. It is true! We keep having to tell my mom that. Good luck!!

I am a spiritual person, not so much religious, I find God and Christ in the birds, the sounds of nature, the sunrise and sunset, the breeze blowing in my face. Tell them that you can have an outdoor wedding with God and all his great creations being a part of it. You are not keeping Him out of it, you are simply going about it in another manner, you want to see how much beauty is in this world on the day you get married and really make you appreciate all that God has given us. You don't need a minister to keep your spirituality.

I think it's your day and you should do what feels right to both of you. I have never understood the idea that celebration of God needs to be confined to a building. What better place to celebrate Him than by being surrounded by what he created! My FSIL and FH's brother had the same issue. They were both raised in church but opted to get married in a non-religious location, by their friend (who is also their regular bartender, I might add). FMIL was not that thrilled, but still excited about their union. FMIL ended up reading a scripture during the service to bring more spirituality to the service. Would your parents be satisfied if you did something like that - or were you planning on that already?

Rachel, what you have planned sounds amazing, and if that's what YOU want to do, then I think you should do it. I understand wanting to please your family and friends (I am the ultimate try-to-please-everyone, and it never works) but this is a day that you are planning to celebrate your union with the one you love. If your parents aren't helping monetarily, then they should have no real pull in the planning. If they are really upset about having a friend be your officiant (soooo wish that was legal here in PA!), and if you are cool with this idea, you could ask them to bring a pastor or priest from their church to your ceremony and give you two their blessing from the church. P.S. Kristina W., I love the way you described an outdoor ceremony! So true

Thanks for the feedback. My fiance and I are going to pay her to get ordained and also to perform the service. When he brought that idea up, I could actually visualize it so I got excited. (It's a good friend of my fiance's.)

Thanks Ryan for the comment about why we're getting married, not who we're married by. I think what's most important is we ARE getting married.

Eric and Rachelle, I kinda like the idea of my mom reading a scripture during the ceremony. I hadn't thought of that before but I could ask them if that would help them feel better about it.

I know the wedding will be beautiful, I can't wait to marry my FH! That's the most important thing to us, we're ready to spend the rest of our lives together!

I think that sounds great and I'm glad you guys are doing what's right for you!

Do what is right for you, but find an independent officiant to perform it. YOu can include whatever is important to you, religious or not, but unless your friend is an experienced and commanding public speaker, I think this will only add to the mess. The legality isn't the issue; it's the ability to write a gorgeous, inspiring ceremony and deliver it with confidence and presence. Not many people can do that.

Because I don't normally do religious ceremonies, that isn't the part I have commented on. I'm commenting on the way that ceremony will sound and feel.

I agree with kris s. you also have to be true to yourselves, FH and I are getting married in our church because that's who we are. Everyone is not the same and should do what is right for them.