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Just Said Yes March 2022

Not enjoying wedding planning

Michelle, on December 19, 2021 at 1:47 AM Posted in Planning 0 6
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Hello All, I’m new here!


I’m getting married on March 19th, 2022. Recently, I’ve noticed that I’ve experienced no joy in my wedding planning and I’m actually dreading my wedding day. As we’re mailing out invitations, my parents and his parents are both helping us, but my parents are helping us significantly more. His parents have invited over 100, and my parents around 40. The groom tells me that my parents should invite more. (Trying to stick to 100 between parents).
***A little back story, his mom has made this wedding process HELL on me. Right before my bridal shower she started a fight through text and told me “Kill your self I will not be at your wedding or bridal showe”***
We went through an awful rent to own process. When it failed, my parents offered to let us live with them, free of charge. They help us in any way possible.
The future groom and I have a 3 year old daughter together. My parents are super helpful and watch her anytime we need. I am going away for my bachelorette party the last weekend in January and my mom has decided to watch her for me and skip the festivities. My mom & I are celebrating together at a later date before the wedding.

The groom feels as though my parents should watch her on the night of our wedding also so that his parents can enjoy themselves.
I’m feeling like this day is not about me and more about everyone partying. Him & I NEVER get time to ourselves. This is the one night we would like to enjoy ourselves, hangout with friends and family, & let loose.
My parents told me they would watch her for the night, I just don’t think it’s fair. They have already done so much for us and I think that it’s fair if one of his parents decide to take her for the night. I really want to enjoy my wedding night with them.
I’m just so torn, any thoughts.



6 Comments

Latest activity by Heather, on December 21, 2021 at 12:05 PM
  • Lisa
    Legend July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    Is it possible for you to hire someone else (who wouldn't have been invited to the wedding otherwise) to watch your daughter for that entire day at your wedding? This person could also take her back home (or to the hotel or wherever you're staying that night) if your daughter gets tired before the reception ends. That way, you and your groom, your parents, and his parents all get to celebrate your wedding without having to worry.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I’m sorry but I can’t get over the fact that your FMIL said you should kill yourself and your FH still believes she has a place at the wedding. That would be a hard no for me. Boundaries with your in-laws sound necessary but if your FH isn’t seeing anything wrong with their behavior, you have an FH problem as much as a FMIL problem. As far as the wedding night, I would hire a babysitter or find a trusted friend/family member that could watch your child for you. You’re right that it isn’t fair to make your parents leave early with her.
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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    I agree with this! Your FH needs to be putting his foot down on some of the mentioned issues— his family over-inviting, MIL’s way of speaking to you (a whole other issue in itself!), etc. He is enabling their behavior! In response to the amount of help you are getting from each family, I would not expect both sides to always do things equally. Each family has its own dynamic, and it is fairly common for one side to be more nurturing and involved than the other. Keeping score of whose family has been more helpful will just lead to resentment and cause issues between you and your spouse.
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  • Cece
    Master October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I agree with all of this. The things your FMIL said are BEYOND inappropriate and cruel! And if your FH is excusing this behavior, there is a big issue (which is foreshadowing even bigger issues in the future). The two of you should be a team and he should be holding his mother accountable for her abhorrent behavior. She needs to know this will not be tolerated.
    As far as the child… you are correct, grandparents shouldn’t be required to watch them. You need to hire a sitter to watch her.
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  • Shannon
    Super July 2022
    Shannon ·
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    What kind of a parent writes to their children to Kill themselves? This is beyond vile and abusive.
    I would never allow anyone to speak to me that way, much less invite them to my wedding.
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  • Heather
    Super November 2021
    Heather ·
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    You definitely need to have a talk with your FH about your MIL because that is NOT okay..

    And for him to say that your parents should be the one watching your guys daughter so HIS parents can enjoy the night? He doesn't think they don't deserve to enjoy it as much as they do?

    I'm sorry hun, but you definitely need to have a talk to your FH because if you don't have that now then it could get worse later for other future events.

    And I agree, hire someone you know and trust to watch her for the night.

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