Not changing my last name

I'm not changing my name after marriage! My fiance didn't mind one way or another, though I think his mom was a little disappointed about it. It's your name, and your choice. Family members can feel upset/disappointed/sad about your decision, but it's not their decision to make, and they'll have to process their own emotions about it.

I have mixed feelings over it too. Why is it that only woman are expected to change their last names? I feel you! At the same time it is easier for the kids that everyone has the same last name. I’m conflicted because of the tradition. I can understand why my mom changed her last name. I had a positive family upbringing. I love my last name, it fits me. I have a great signature. I want to interchange my last name and married name in some way. So that’s what I’m trying to figure out at the moment.

I’m not changing my name. I thought about hyphenating our last names but my FH didn’t want to change his name and I said if he isn’t doing it then I’m not, lol. Our families aren’t religious or super traditional (his sister didn’t change her name when she got married either) so it’s not a huge deal for us.

I changed my name but my husband did too (we both hyphenated). It doesn't have to just be the woman who changes her name!


I hope that your husband will still be there to support you with your family, even if he is a little hurt about it. Stick to your guns on this one. If you don't want to change it then you absolutely shouldn't!

I'm both changing and not changing my name. Legally, and in my personal life, I'm going to be changing my name to my fiancé's. Professionally, I'm keeping my maiden name (partially because getting a new email is annoying, and partially because I worked hard for my career, it's mine, my lovely fiancé didn't put in the work or the education). My fiancé doesn't care either way, and was actually surprised I wanted to be so traditional and change my name. His last name, thankfully, works with my first name (and since I have a more unique name that isn't always the case). I was more shocked by how many people were surprised (in a negative way) that I am changing my name! I've had several women in my life (all older) absolutely shocked that I am changing my name (despite the fact that they all did).

It's more common now for women to keep their last names. I don't mind changing my name, and since we are planning on having children, I'd like us all to have the same name. I have a few friends who waited until they had kids to do it. And some who have just chosen not to at all. Names are a double edged sword as far as I am concerned; on one hand its quite patriarchal to have the woman change her last name. On the other hand; the name she is changing from was given to her by a man (her father) in 99% of cases. The tradition does spring from a sense of ownership (you cease being your father's property and become your husband's property) but for me, it just makes it easier for kids.

I'm not only not taking my fiance's name, I'm keeping my ex-husband's name. I have had this name for more than 20 years (basically my entire adult life). I built a career under this name and it is the same last name as my children. I consider it my name, not my ex-husband's. My fiance is super cool about it.

I'm not changing my last name. It's part of my identity. We actually had a huge fight over it and ended up in counseling. I just haven't told some of my traditional/patriarchal family members because it doesn't concern them and I don't care to cause another fight.

If you want the same last name for whatever reason, he could take your name (that went over poorly with my FH). Or you both could take a mother's or grandmother's maiden name.

My partner and I had a discussion early on and I told you I wanted to keep my last name when we got married. I feel a strong attachment to it and I didn't want to have his last name and he didn't want to change his last name either. So we are getting married with our original last names and I fully support that decision for anyone else that wants to make it. As long as it makes you two happy and you two had a nice discussion about it. It's all good.

I changed my last name and I didn't think anything of it. I like having the same last name as my husband .

I'm not changing my last name for all the reasons the lovely ladies above mentioned - it's a part of my identity, and I have built a career with this name. My FH has been super supportive of it, especially as he also wouldn't want to change his last name. I think my FH's family always assumed I would take his name and when they inquired about what I was thinking of doing since we got engaged, I did sense they felt a bit disappointed (both his mom and older sister are certainly traditional, took their husband's names, but they made their maiden names their middle name legally), but ultimately it hasn't been brought up at all since and I think they're learning to accept that that's the decision I've made. There is a part of me that has felt a little bad about my decision only because I feel like I've slightly hurt my in-laws' feelings, but so much of that is just a matter of the patriarchal society we live in and I remind myself that I have nothing to feel bad about - it's my name and I'm totally allowed to keep it.

This is such a personal decision and there is absolutely nothing wrong with whatever you choose, IMO! It's your life, your name and identity, people should do what they want.

I decided to change my name since I'd grown up thinking it would be something I'd do, I don't have the type of career or body of work that would be impacted by a change of name, and I wanted to have the same name is my now-husband. It feels like we're more of a team now, as silly as that is. Another of the reasons I was excited to do it was because my partner was so very hands off. He was and is so respectful of whatever decision I chose to make, and never pressured me one way or the other.

But, if any of those factors had been different, I might have made a different choice. Having built a professional or published reputation is a very valid reason for wanting to retain your name. Loving your unmarried name and not liking your partner's name with your first name is a valid reason. Not liking the patriarchal tradition is also valid, as is never having grown up with the idea and not feeling comfortable with it.

I was also open to the idea of squishing our names together to create a new surname - we had a really cool one that would have been nice, and I so wish more people did it (although maybe that's hypocritical of me, since I didn't!)

When I began wedding planning, I was honestly so shocked to realize that most women still take their husband's name. I don't know why, but I'd thought it was kind of a fading tradition. I'll be honest, I don't understand it at all... I do completely understand why a married couple would want to share a name, but why is it automatically the man's name?

My partner and I (two women) are not changing our names, and not hyphenating. We've had some pushback, but I think we would've had more if one of us were a man.