emcd
Just Said Yes May 2019

Not Being Able to Have Dream Wedding

emcd, on June 4, 2018 at 8:32 AM Posted in Wedding Reception 1 28
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Has anyone had to deal with letting go of the "perfect" wedding they had in their head? We've fallen in love with several venues only to find they were too expensive, too far or had too many restrictions or fell through. I've had to change the feel/theme for the wedding several times and I have to keep starting over...has anyone else had to deal with disappointment over their weddings going differently than they imagined? How did you deal with it?

28 Comments

  • MrsV1027
    Master October 2018
    MrsV1027 ·

    I never really had the dream wedding in my head. I was a wedding photographer for awhile and honestly just wanted something small. My first wedding was a 2 week planned wedding and very small. I regretted not having more people there and quite a bit of my family and friends held it against me for a long time that we didn't have a bigger wedding for them to come to but it wasn't in the budget at all.

    After I got divorced I was dead set against ever being in a relationship again since all I knew from relationships was being treated poorly and cheated on. I was ok with just being me and my son so I never thought about the possibility of a second chance for a bigger wedding.

    Then I met a really good man who changed my mind...after telling me he never wanted to get married again either lol. I knew this time I wanted to actually celebrate it with more friends and family. I still didn't want a huge wedding though. My new dream was then to get married in Vegas with whoever could make it and invite as many people as possible knowing the guest list would still be pretty small considering the location. The only thing that will be missing is a longer reception with liquor lol. Our package only comes with a 2 hour reception and that's not worth paying a ton extra for liquor so we are having wine and beer only and then heading out on the strip. We've been doing a ton of deal hunting to make sure we are getting everything else we want.

  • FutureMrs.L
    Master September 2018
    FutureMrs.L ·

    I never really dreamt of wedding or had a dream wedding in mind. We wanted a particular venue but the price was just past our budget, and they slammed another venue during our tour. We didn’t feel comfortable or might doing business with someone that would slam another venue. I was upset, but realized I’ll have my dream wedding no matter what’s because I’m marrying FH.

    Ultimately that’s all that matters to me. I want an amazing wedding shared with our family and friends. I’m naturally a perfectionist, but I’m letting go and realizing I can’t control everything and things won’t slways go according to plan. All I can do is adjust and adapt to the new circumstances. ☺️🙂

  • Future Mrs. H
    Rockstar September 2019
    Future Mrs. H ·

    I've always wanted a destination wedding but came to the realization that it's pretty much a PITA for everyone else but us. Ultimately, it is one day, and while I'm sure you want everything to be perfect, the most important aspect is that you are getting to marry the man of your dreams!

  • Mcellist
    Super March 2019
    Mcellist ·
    Yep. Focus on beginning your marriage with your special someone. I had my heart set on getting married in Fort Worth, TX. Everything was way out of budget. I ended up picking a place where I've already been in a wedding there & I know so many people who've gotten married there. I felt like there's no way it can made my own. But, in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter. My fiancé always reminds me that he just wants to marry me. And that's all that really matters.
  • Michelle
    VIP September 2018
    Michelle ·
    🙋🏻‍♀️ I see thing all the time that we can’t afford. Or I see a Pinterest wedding and wish we could have something like that. It’s not that our wedding is bad or that I dislike my wedding, rather that I would most certainly do it different if money was no obstacle
  • Pegs
    VIP July 2018
    Pegs ·

    My dream wedding has snippets of what my actual wedding looks like. I always wanted to get married in Greece - my family lives there and it's a second home to me.

    My fiance didn't care where it was, but he is also from Greece. So we both agreed to have it there, which met my dream.

    There are certain aspects - like the size of the venue - that don't exactly meet what I had originally envisioned, but overall I am very happy and I believe he is as well.

    Have we had to cut back on certain costs? Of course. But overall, we're very excited and happy.

  • emcknight1517
    Super April 2018
    emcknight1517 ·

    We did. Originally we wanted our ceremony in a vintage movie theater and then have our reception in an industrial warehouse with a Wes Anderson-y vibe. The problem was that it wasn't good for OOT guests due to the location and the theater would only allow us to have a morning wedding. I didn't want to wake up at 4am to get my hair done. Transportation and rental costs would also have been high.

    I had to take a step back and realize that the wedding we were planning was about our commitment to each other, not the venue or the theme. I made sure the venue fit my top priorities (guest comfort, as inclusive as possible, good food/services) and everything fell into place from there. I'd also suggest not picking a "theme" until you have a venue, or picking a neutral color scheme that could work anywhere.

  • Going to the chapel
    Master July 2017
    Going to the chapel ·

    The marriage is far more important than the wedding venue, theme, decorations. Focus on the marriage and all of the wedding details won't matter as much.

  • Priscilla
    Devoted August 2018
    Priscilla ·
    I've experienced this and now have to deal with am 7 hour gap between my wedding and reception. It is what it is. But you'll get through it and everything will work out!
  • Amanda
    Expert June 2018
    Amanda ·
    When we first started planning the wedding we changed the.es ad idea 3 times. I had dates and venues and menus for 3 different weddings 2 of them were dream weddings, then hubby changed the budget due to lack of interest in spending money, so I have settled on what we can currently afford and what made compromises, but I .can say it will be a beautiful day, and it will be ours. You know?
  • Sara
    Expert October 2018
    Sara ·
    What our wedding will look like has changed so many times over the last several months. When FH and I met 13 years ago, neither of us even wanted to get married. (He was newly divorced and I had just left an abusive relationship.) The real dream for me is getting to marry FH. The rest is just window dressing.

    I agree with PP. Start with a potential guest list and a budget. Then get a venue locked in. We did our guest list in layers. Those who "have" to be there, those that we'd really like to be there, and those we'd invite if we had extra space. It really helped us narrow down our options.
  • Danielle K
    VIP June 2019
    Danielle K ·

    I have been dealing with this for about a year now. I get set on my wedding going one way only to realize it adds up too much and I can't afford it. So I settle for much simpler telling my self I really don't need these things. It won't matter once we are married. etc. Only to just constantly feel disappointed for my lack of a "real wedding" I have finally gotten to the point that I am having a much smaller wedding than I planned but I still get most aspects. Not having ALL of my family there is still disappointing for me but far less than not even serving a meal or having a dj. Talk to you SO and just really decide what will matter to you 10 years from now. Keep in mind that if you cut something out but know that whole day you will wish you hadn't then leave it in! If you remember your wedding with sadness because it wasn't fun or anything special (to you. forget everyone else) then its not worth saving that money.

  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·

    It helps to stay focused on the important part, the marriage. We didn't really have a vision for our "dream wedding" but we had some ideas and venues that were just too out of budget. We sort of developed our vision along the way and that kept the dream more reachable. Just remember, its only a party. Your marriage is the most important thing that you should focus on.

  • Suzanne
    Devoted November 2018
    Suzanne ·
    I would say unless youre lucky enough to have an unlimited budget, there will have to be compromises. Some of the compromises will force you to let go of the “dream” completely and others will allow you to do something that satisfies it even if it doesn’t look the same. That said, changes don’t mean the magic of the day needs to be any less fabulous than what you had in your mind. Stay focused on what’s important and the day will still be spectacular. I had to give up many things I wanted, but still will have the most beautiful day and life in the long run. Good luck!
  • Munchkin9218
    Master September 2018
    Munchkin9218 ·

    Everyone makes compromises for their wedding. You just have to look at whats most important to you in that situation, and what you want the event to feel like overall. If its more important to you to have 150 guests so you can include as many people then you might have to give up that more expensive venue. If having the big guest list and expensive venue then you mgiht have to compromise by pushing the wedding out a bit farther than you would initially like.


    Personally, We sat down before making any decisions and decided what WERE the important factors to us, and its helped us be really good about not regretting our decisions.

    Remember, as nice as the pinterest photos look at the end of the day everyone only remembers how much fun they had, and you get still get to be married. How pretty the greenery was poised will not be something you even think about.

  • SRD
    Devoted June 2019
    SRD ·
    Oh yes. I say when you look at Pinterest, wedding websites that have real weddings, and some other people’s weddings, it’s natural to want the same or similar things. But how are we supposed to know that all that stuff costs so much money and we will end up finding out later ? 🤷🏽‍♀️For me when I was looking at venues I knew I wanted a outdoor ceremony and indoor reception. I wanted a beautiful outdoor ceremony space, but when I started looking into venues, they were out of my budget, had so many restrictions on what you can and can’t do, and they were also big and had smaller rooms or areas but did not want to accommodate my small wedding. So when I did finally find my venue, I was so excited😃 Another thing that smacked me in the face was rentals. I love all things vintage and I already knew about a vintage rental company that I wanted to go with. The price for renting the stuff didn’t shock me, it was the delivery and pick up fee and they are right down the street from my venue! So I will not be able to get the vintage rentals I was hoping for. I feel this learning experience has just made realize a lot it’s about the marriage at the end of the day and not what venue we can get or what rentals we can afford.
  • OrangeCrush
    Super October 2017
    OrangeCrush ·

    I truthfully never had the dream wedding in my head either - this was my second time and perhaps I was a bit more practical? I am sorry you are having sticker shock. Lots of brides and grooms have gone through this.

    Unasked for advice: Stay off Pinterest. That place can be deadly!

    Have you looked for alternatives to more expensive venues? VFW, Legion or Elk's Lodges are a great alternative to more expensive venues. Good luck!

  • Jamie
    Dedicated June 2018
    Jamie ·
    Honestly, get off Pinterest. Half that stuff isn’t even real. It’s staged. The only people who have those all out weddings are filthy rich. Us average people don’t.

    Pick a a few things to focus on. My wedding was this past weekend and it was at a plain old banquet hall and we were on a budget, but it was absolutely perfect and I wouldn’t have changed a thing. We got a great photographer who was just starting out when we booked her so her rate was very reasonable. Don’t pick someone because they have a big name, pick them because you like their style. Pick your color theme and run with it. Ours was coral and gold and honestly the smallest, more inexpensive details that were in that color vein brought it together. Our venue had some colored up lighting and chair ribbons in coral which was an easy way to take things up a notch. Our centerpieces were hand me down lanterns from a family member’s wedding two years ago—if anyone you know got married recently you can see if they have any leftovers you can rework and make your own. I’m not above hand me downs!

    Dont get lost lost on the big picture and recreating some Pinterest forest wonderland photo or whatever. Focus on the small things that are within your budget or something you can do yourself. Those little things add up to one big awesome scheme and experience.
  • Jennifer
    Super August 2019
    Jennifer ·

    We found our perfect venue down in Midlothian, TX and when I read the contract didn't like the fact that they only allowed 2 alcoholic drinks on property and we really wanted a full open bar. My FH kept saying "things happen for a reason" and 2 weeks later we found my dream venue. Sometimes you have to take a step back and wait for your dream venue/wedding if that's what you want.

  • He Put A Ring On It 2019
    Devoted September 2019
    He Put A Ring On It 2019 ·
    I think I'm doing pretty good overall. The only thing would be my dress..although I LOVE my dress, I imagined something different. My dream dress was way out of my price range.
    I think being frugal also helped me be realistic while planning.

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