Not asking someone to be a bridesmaid

No m, you don’t have to include her because they’re married. You choose who you want to not because of feeling guilty or obligated to.

You don't have to include her. I wouldn't have a specific conversation about not including her. Just give her some space. It sounds like you guys have been drifting apart anyway. Maybe she feels like she's not a friend anymore? Maybe in a month or two reach out and see if she wants to get lunch or hang out. Just to do the things you guys used to do. If she wants to bring up the BM thing, she will and you can just say that you needed to keep the BP small but that you're still excited to have her there.

Agreed you do not have to include her out of obligation or just because her other half is included. When asked, politely explain to her that you chose your nearest & dearest and that fulfilled your numbers. Point blank.

View Quoted Comment My bridal party has 12 girls so not exactly small. I didn’t pick her because she has a drinking problem and urinates herself. And we have a night wedding and I knew composure could not be kept. Among other reasons but that was a big one.

I like the lunch idea and stuff. We tried to talk today but it didn’t go so well.

Did she confront you or is she just being passive aggressive kind of angry? It doesn't sound like you two are terribly close. And I agree with everyone that you shouldn't feel obligated to include her.

Ah, well, that's a little more sticky then. I would just go on about business as usual. Either she'll come around or she won't. In this case, maybe a little more tough love is in order. Hopefully at some point she will get some help, and maybe then she will understand.

You don't have to have anyone you don't want in you wedding.

Maybe offer to have her get ready with you? I'm inviting the groomsmen's wives (MOH and BM are engaged, and the other 2 groomsmen are married) to get ready with us. Maybe say something like, "we respect you and your husband, and would love for you to join us as we get ready"

I would invite her to the wedding. shes basically having a tantrum hoping you will give in. silent treatment=tantrum.

my ex husband was once a grooms man.

I was not a part of the wedding party.

I did attend and let me say though it was not a good time because he sat with wedding party and I had to sit alone. so consider that factor into seating arrangements maybe?

or that could have just been my horrible ex being a jerk.

This is even more reason why she wouldn’t be good for your bridal party. Just still invite her to the wedding and don’t worry about it. Just because her husband will be a groomsmen don’t feel obligated to put her in your bridal party.

I'm in the same boat, FSIL is pissed, I just let it go