Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Skyhu
Just Said Yes May 2025

Not a bridesmaid drama

Skyhu, on October 6, 2024 at 6:56 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 2
Saved
Reply

Hi all

Opions and advice please 🙏🏼
I got engaged in July, and our wedding is booked for May.
When it came to choosing bridesmaids, I am very lucky to have lots of friends who I could have asked but decided to go with my 3 closest / oldest friends who are all from different friendship groups.
I was aware of the politics of choosing only one friend from a group and not the others, but wrongly assumed everyone would be understanding...
Choosing my bridesmaids is quite a recent thing, so I haven't really had the chance to tell anyone yet.
Last night a none bridesmaid friend threw miy and my partner a suprise engagement party with 2 of my bridesmaids presents. My friend hosting the party quickly learnt that she wouldn't be a bridesmaid and my other two friends would be and the change in her mood was as clear as day. She didn't say anything but the atmosphere was horrific. I just wanted to run away from it all.
This obviously isn't how I wanted her to find out, had I have know she was going to throw me a party I would have spoken to her in advance. But now I just don't know what to do...
I can call her and go down the slippery slope of explaining why I didn't choose her. (Honest answer: there's just other people in class to!)
Or I can leave it and hope the whole thing blows over with time. She was so clearly upset though I don't know if I can just ignore it.
I'm now trying to think of ways to make her feel involved: asking her to do a reading, be a witness....
I'm both so upset that I have caused someone else to feel this way, but the more I think about it I'm starting to also feel frustrated that I've been put in this position. I've had friends who have not asked me to be a bridesmaid and whilst a bit sad I've totally respected that decision and would never dream of letting on that I'm offended. I now feel like I need to involve her with things I probably wouldn't have otherwise done in order to not lose a friend!

2 Comments

Latest activity by Rosebud, on October 13, 2024 at 8:41 AM
  • A
    Super January 2024
    Andrea ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I’d start by sending her a thank-you for the party. Don’t mention the bridesmaid stuff, just be appreciative for her thinking of you and you value her friendship. Then give it at least a few days to settle and talk to her in person, apologize for the drama coming out during the party, and tell her you value her friendship and look forward to her being at the wedding. Don’t say anything now about involving her in some other way, because right now it’ll just come out as a pity offering. If you choose to involve her later, I think it’ll seem more genuine.


    There’s really nothing you can do to keep her from being upset about not being chosen, but that’s not your responsibility. You didn’t do anything wrong since it was a surprise party, and you don’t owe her a reason (and usually shouldn’t give one) for not choosing her. Just be openly appreciative of her friendship and hopefully the rest will blow over.
    • Reply
  • R
    Rockstar
    Rosebud ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Well it seems like there's a bit of a disconnect here as it feels like she had no doubt she was going to be asked. She s probably looking at it as I went out of my way to throw her this nice party and she doesn't even want me in the wedding. Anytime you are choosing some people over others feelings can get hurt. Her feeling are valid though it sucks to be left out but what can ya do. You never want to hurt someone but we can't control or even always anticipate someone else's reaction. You have done nothing wrong but neither has she and right now she's feeling hurt and unfortunately there's not much you can do about that. As someone else suggested I d send a nice thank you note and small token of appreciation for the gift and not mention the rest. Give her some time and space. I would not give any sort of explanation I feel like that would only make this worse but if you feel like you have to then the only thing I say on the topic is it was a tough decision for us we decided to keep our bridal party small we love you and are so excited for you celebrate with us at the wedding. I also wouldn't discuss with the other mutual friends. This may change your relationship going forward it may not but unless you want to add her there's not much you can do. Wishing you all the best💜

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

37 Unique "Will You Be My Bridesmaid?" Proposal Gift Ideas
Wedding Party 37 Unique "Will You Be My Bridesmaid?" Proposal Gift Ideas Bridesmaid proposal gifts are a fun way to recruit your crew, and we're sharing...
23 Bridesmaid Robes Your Squad Will Want to Live In
Bride & Bridesmaids 23 Bridesmaid Robes Your Squad Will Want to Live In Getting ready with your BFFs never looked so good.
22 Maternity Bridesmaid Dresses for Growing Baby Bumps
Bride & Bridesmaids 22 Maternity Bridesmaid Dresses for Growing Baby Bumps Bump-friendly frocks that your pregnant bridesmaids will actually want to wear.
Read more articles
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Learn more

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics