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Just Said Yes April 2022

Not a bridesmaid but expected to pay for bachelorette?

Spraggins, on October 3, 2019 at 8:00 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
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Hey guys! So I am a bride to be (getting married in The spring of 2021) but this question is about my close friend who is getting married soon, I’ve known for a while that she wanted to do a bachelorette party even though her and her fiancé decided to not have bridesmaids or groomsmen due to keeping their wedding extremely small (>50 people). That was fine with me, I mean I was sad but I accepted it bc it’s her big day so her decision! So now we’re a couple months out from her bachelorette party, of which her sister in laws planned entirely. The pricing was made available to me recently and I found out that myself and the brides other friends (4 other women) are to be splitting the cost of the brides lodging for an Airbnb that costs a total of 1500$ for 3 nights 😱) and her food and drinks for the weekend in addition to our own lodging and food/drinks. Now I don’t care about paying for the brides food and drinks, but am I expected to pay for the brides lodging as well?? Especially since I didn’t plan this and had NO idea the sister in law picked such an expensive place to stay, and ESPECIALLY given that I am in no way a bridesmaid. It feels like I’m spending a lot of my own money with none of wonderfulness that comes with being an official recognized bridesmaid. What would you do? I love my close friend and I really want to come to celebrate with her, but with such an expensive Airbnb being picked without my consent I would be spending a lot more than I anticipated bc I thought everyone would be paying their own way, including the bride considering we’re not bridesmaids.

15 Comments

Latest activity by Zaina, on April 3, 2023 at 1:45 PM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    As a guest, you are not required to pay for anyone but yourself. The hosts typically cover the cost of the bride. However, if doing elaborate getaways, it seems to be more common that the bride pays her own way for lodging/flights.
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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    I’ve always paid for the brides portion for bachelorette parties, but I also was always included in the decision making. Since you’re obviously uncomfortable with the price, you need to speak up about it. The bride may not even know this is what’s planned and may want to pay for herself anyway. If you can only afford a certain amount, let them know and either they’ll work with it or will change plans. Uninviting you would only make it much more expensive for them, so that would be quite foolish on their part.
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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    I personally wouldn't pay that much, even if I was a bridesmaid. Definitely speak up and make it clear that you're uncomfortable with the price. It might mean you won't be able to go, but that's just too much money there!

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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    She should have spoken to you about pricing before booking something, that is for sure. But I have always paid for the brides portion of bachelorette a party whether I was a bridesmaid or not. If you were an actual bridesmaid, you’d be spending even more money of a dress and other wedding costs. So if be happy you’re just having to pay for this trip. If you’re not comfortable with the cost of it though, I would tell the girl who booked it what the amount your comfortable with is and that is all you’ll be contributing since you weren’t consulted prior to her booking. If she’s got an issue with it, then just don’t go.
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  • Watts
    Super March 2020
    Watts ·
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    Nope, you aren't required to pay for her portion. If you knew about the planning, agreed to the price, etc., then it would be normal for you to pitch in, but given the circumstances, no.
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  • Mrs. Bubba
    VIP September 2019
    Mrs. Bubba ·
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    Um, just NO🙅‍♀️‼️

    I wouldn’t be available to attend, no matter when it is.
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  • Sarah
    Devoted October 2018
    Sarah ·
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    To be honest, $1500 for 6 people and 3 nights doesn't sound too bad (not sure about the area). However, you aren't obligated to go/pay. If you can't afford it, I would explain that and just not go. They should have OK'd the price with you beforehand, but when I've gone to bachelorette parties, we have always split the brides portion and paid our own way. The hosts normally provide party favors/decor, in my experience.

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  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
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    I've been to a few bachelorette's where I wasn't part of the bridal party and I always pitched to cover the brides costs as well as paying my own way. I was never asked to pitch in for decorations though unless I was in the bridal party.

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  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    I think it's ok if you ask to only pay what you're comfortable with
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  • L
    Lady ·
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    NOPE - this is ridiculous. You should not be on the hook for anything but yourself and only if you CHOOSE to. No one can tell you how to spend your money. If you can't afford to go, you can decline - you dont' need to give a reason.


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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I would probably be okay paying since I wasn't excluded specifically from the bridal party, since she isn't having one at all. But the host should have consulted budgets prior to picking a place. I think $300 a person is a lot to expect for lodging cost without asking. My bridesmaids paid $150 each for a house for 2 nights in Palm Springs (I didn't contribute towards lodging) and it slept 7 of us.

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    The people who host the party, whether relatives, bridesmaids or friends, planned all these expensive things, and they can pay for all of them. All participants usually split some one thing, whether it is a few dollars toward a single group gift, or all people splitting a club admission for the bride, or just her dinner or drinks. Everything else for the bride comes from only the people who planned the party. No one is ever to be presented with a bill for expenses they had no part of planning , unless they offered it in advance of planning. This is general ettiquette for any occasion with a guest of honor, not just bachelorette and showers, or wedding things. If the hosts planned more than they wish to pay for, they need to scale back their plans. Not expect others to pay , which is downright rude.
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  • S
    Expert October 2019
    Sara ·
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    It sounds like the sister in laws should have discussed budgets ahead of time. Personally I’d try to politely back out, but I know that’s probably not ideal because it puts the cost burden on everyone else. Do you know if everything is a done deal? Maybe they can look into less expensive options, or the bride can kick in for her share (which I think she should since none of you are officially bridesmaids).

    Side note: Check out the Betches Brides podcast! The most recent episode was actually about bachelorette parties and may be helpful in your situation! (All the episodes are good too since you’re planning for your own wedding as well)
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  • Taylor
    VIP October 2020
    Taylor ·
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    I've always heard of the people going on the trip paying for the brides cut of everything. If lodging cost wasn't discussed, I would not pay that much money. That's a lot plus food and drinks all weekend. The person planning needs to be more considerate and conscious of other people's finances.

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  • Z
    Savvy May 2023
    Zaina ·
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    No way girl. Absolutely not. Getting married does not entitled you to a free vacation. She should cover her own lodging and flight. Drinks okay but nothing excessive in my opinion. The only thing expected of guests and friends is to show up and celebrate bride and groom for the wedding. Everything is extra.
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