Normal to feel this way? Selfish? i feel crazy!!

I’m not sure that there’s any advice that we can give you. Your feelings are valid, but even you know that they’re not rational. You just need to work through them.

Oh no I completely understand my stepsister and cousin both got engaged right before me and they completely overshadowed my engagement. To the point that when I told my father he said “christ at least let us get your step-sisters wedding over with” Like I got engaged solely to ruin her wedding planning??? I wasn’t even asking him to pay for anything just telling him the news. So no I know how irrational feelings can be it doesn’t mean they aren’t valid, you just have to handle them differently.

What Caytlyn said. All of your feelings are valid, so don't beat yourself up for feeling them. And just remember that your wedding day will be all about you and your fiance!

Your feelings are valid, but I agree with Caytlyn that you just need to work through those feelings. It's important that you feel them, but it's also important that you're aware that you'll need to work on them.

I feel you though. Before and after our engagement, every couple in our friend group also got engaged so I didn't feel like ours was special. Just one of the other proposals to lump in with everyone else's. But I talked some sense into myself, and had to remind myself that I don't 'own' a particular time to get engaged, and that I need to be happy that all of us are experiencing this awesome milestone together!

What you're feeling is not uncommon.

I don’t think it’s selfish at all. I totally get it. Due to extenuating circumstances, we couldn’t announce our engagement for over a month. I was bummed that I didn’t get to have the experience of telling everyone right away when it was new & exciting. Then, when we were finally able to make to the announcement, my cousin got jealous and gave her boyfriend an ultimatum to either propose or break up. They announced their engagement less than a month after our announcement. Of course people are going to live their lives on their schedules and there’s nothing we can do about. And of course we are happy when friends and family get engaged. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be disappointed when their happy moments overshadow and take the uniqueness away from our own. (Side note: my fiancé actually waited 6 additional months before proposing because he didn’t want to take away from his sister’s engagement and wedding). Don’t feel bad for feeling bad. It’s totally natural to want to have the spotlight to yourself during huge moments. I’m so sorry you didn’t get that experience. Best thing you can do now is dive into and enjoy wedding planning!

View Quoted Comment Oh no I am so sorry people have said things like that to you.
My sister got engaged when my husband and I first started talking about getting married. He purposefully waited to purpose to me to avoid any of those comments/feelings. I guess they’re more common than we think.
OP, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Have you had an engagement party to celebrate? Or are you having a shower that you can look forward to where everyone can celebrate you?

I totally understand how you’re feeling. I think it’s normal for people to get this kind of feeling. We were different in that we got to celebrate our engagement in a way, but we got engaged at the end of last year and then Covid hit so we never got the “next holiday” feel where you see the extended family and they’re dying to see the ring. So I was kind of hoping for that this past thanksgiving because we had a small family gathering....but my cousin got engaged right before so everyone was very excited for HER. Including me, but it did make me a little sad because we didn’t get that moment she had and it wasn’t anyone’s fault. You just have to get through it somehow and keep remembering that you get to marry your best friend and that’s what matters.

Everyone has given good advice, but I did want to respond to this: "Maybe I’m jealous that they’re getting to bask in the newly engaged glory when we weren’t able to."

I think you may be overestimating the amount of "newly engaged glory" that "everyone else" is experiencing. There are so many posts similar to yours (you truly aren't alone) that I think this is just one more consequence of pop culture and social media unduly influencing things and making us think everyone else is having a better time than we are.

For the vast majority of couples, I bet that the engagement period is not terribly exciting beyond some initial announcement flurry (and even then, only a few people might get as excited as the happy couple themselves). I certainly don't remember any "newly engaged glory" but at the same time I don't have any sad memories from that time. We were happy and it was what it was; it never occurred to me that there was something "more" that I wasn't getting.

So while yes, your feelings are valid, they may be based on unreachable, unmeetable, false expectations of reality that isn't actual reality for most people.

The week after I announced my engagement and an immediate family memeber announced, she and her husband were having another baby. And suddenly my engagement felt less important. Rational or irrational thought, the feeling is still valid. And I totally understand it. And that member of the family never congratulated us-ever.

View Quoted Comment This, exactly. Having grown up in a large, tight knit family, some years nothing much happens besides getting a year older. And in others there are 3 to 5 weddings everyone goes to if they can, and 3-5 pregnancies announced , and babies born, and several either graduating from high school, college, grad school, or doctoral work. And Christenings or naming ceremonies or baptisms , family reunions, and major anniversaries. And people genuinely are happy for others, each in turn. Being terribly happy to hear someone is engaged, does not stop being important because someone else had a baby. And the importance of those does not become less if someone graduates Friday night, and someone gets married Saturday afternoon. There is no single spotlight or group thought all about one person or couple for a week or a month or a season. There is enough loving feeling and attention to go around. The only thing that shuts things down is someone's serious illness or death. I think TV and movies have set up this false image of everyone and everything focusing on a couple when they have a big event, as the center of attention and all conversation for days and months. when reality is in 15 minute or two hour blocks. Interwoven with the rest of what is going on. People repeatedly pay attention to other in short bursts. Lots of times people think they are loosing the continuous adoring attention of others. When there is no such thing. If one friend or relative gets married in a year, I likely give it as much or as little thought as when 10 marry. They all get a certain amount. Then it is back to kids and work and household repairs and bills.