None of my bridesmaids can make it to my shower

View Quoted Comment It’s so sad, you chose people to be there to support you and be happy for you and to have them act this way. Like I said one of bridesmaids was like this. She didn’t really look like she wanted to be at my shower and honestly left early. She had issues when we went to pick out dresses. I’ve had to be on her to get the dress tailored. They say they want to help and you just don’t see the help. I’m sorry your going thru this. It’s so stressful and it should be a happy experience. I hope you find what’s best for you wether you down size your bridal party or just do without. Best of luck 🍀

This! I feel this 100 percent. I felt like none we going to be at my shower. 4 didn't show. 3 for understandable reasons and 1 just didn't come ( I have 7 girls) . I'm having this issue when trying to plan my Bachelorette party with my MOH. To me it feels embarrassing to say the people standing by you can't even make it to ur happiest points in wedding planning.

I have problems with 2 people who have know me the longest. So sad, this experience have thought me so much not everyone is happy for you. The group text sometimes the same folks responds. One don’t ever respond, she is so busy. The other one who I considered a sister literally questions every decision I make. If she isn’t controlling the chat then she isn’t happy. lol divas I have one complaining about cost we still picking shoes and we 50 days out. Lol I have to laugh in order not to cry. I know it will all work out. Good luck to all have a wonderful wedding day!

View Quoted Comment I just added a bridesmaids last week because it honestly feel like one of the drama Queen that I choose will have some issue that day. Sorry you going through this! It’s so sad that women are like this. Especially if they are miserable forget it! My fiancé isn’t having this problem, he has one friend that he has know for years that I know is jealous he literally said he couldn’t afford his suit. He is still in their group chat which he never participated in. It must be muted.

I agree with you. Being a bridesmaid is more than standing behind you holding a bouquet. They should be at the very least asking how things are going, letting you vent about your frustrations, asking if you need help with anything, wanting to go bridesmaid dress shopping with you. You choose these girls because you love them and feel they love you. People who love you show up for you and do things that they don't HAVE to do. It's certainly not a requirement that a bridal party help you with your wedding, but it's the decent thing to do when you care enough about someone to be part of their bridal party. I support you 100% with everything you've said and I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Omg! So sorry you are going through this. This is honestly one of my biggest fears. I would tell them how you are feeling. These small events are leading up to your big day and they were asked to be apart of it.

To everyone that has been understanding thank you so much. to those who haven’t I truly don’t care what you think!. I can’t afford a wedding planner and my wedding is in october so it’s kinda late for that and that’s a silly suggestion to make unless you would personally like to donate money to me to hire one :-). I haven’t asked my BM for help with anything with the actual wedding so idk where people are getting that i shouldn’t be having them help me plan anything with the wedding and it should be me and my partner planning it together even though I never said they were helping with planning or even decorating. to all the negative comments you’re seriously not seeing what i’m saying, a lot of you think i’m asking too much from my BM when i’ve literally only asked them to get a dress that they all agreed on the budget on. I’m just stating I wish they would be more supportive. YEESH

But I have decided i’m going to talk to with them one more time. I’m not a traditional girl so I really don’t mind if I dont have bridesmaids the day of. but it would just hurt that my friends were crappy to the point I had to not have them up there with me. but this day is a bout me and my man and they don’t have to be apart of it if they don’t want too anymore. talking with them is all I can do…

Awww honey I am so sad this is happening to you! I don’t know what the person above me was saying about your expectations being too high but screw that person and anyone else who thinks that! You are the bride! You asking them to stand there with you, next to you is an honor to them! And they need to step up and help you and be there for you! You are not asking for too much! I promise! Drop those girls, find new ones who will help! I promise there are ladies out there even family maybe cousins, sisters, neighbors etc who would love to help you! I wish you the best!!!!!!!

View Quoted Comment This sounds like they just couldn’t make it! Are you able to have your shower on a different day? If not, it’s not supposed to be a mandatory event and it definitely stinks they can’t go but it sounds like they have valid reasons for not being able to. I wouldn’t drop them because of this tho! It really is a big commitment to being a bridesmaid and I’m sure they care about you! They said yes! All you can really do is relay the info and if they can make it great, if not, you’ll still be surrounded by family or friends at your shower! The main event is the wedding anyways!

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Plus you have to realize one thing nobody is going to be as excited and as happy about the wedding except for the 2 getting married. And the unfortunate side is the wedding and the events leading up to it aren't going to be as big of a priority to others as it is for the people getting married. To you it is a big special day for you but to others it's just another day. Even the bridesmaids and parents sometimes are just not excited and don't seem as supportive. Some people just don't care all that much about other people's weddings or weddings in general. I wouldn't remove them unless you are fully prepared to lose them as friends because it will more than likely end the friendships.

Responding to your initial request for advice and not assuming anything other than that....
This is your wedding and 2021. No longer should there be obligation to keep tradition or worry about other people's feelings. Life's too short. If you don't want them as BM's anymore, then totally demote them. No harm, no foul. They will probably be relieved because they seem to not care about the honor you are trying to give them.


It is perfectly acceptable to let your BM's know that you decided to keep things minimal at the "alter" by just having your MOH up there. You can fluff it and say you just want them to show up and not feel any obligation and to just have a good time. However, if you keep them as BMs...then really you can no longer have any expectation of their support because you now know how they will be. You can't let these things bother you for very long. Focus on your fiancé and you. Focus on how great your wedding is going to be with or without these girls up there. Focus on how you're going to publicly praise and recognize that amazing MOH you have. Give her a toast for all she's done!

Dude what is with all these strange responses. I would totally be upset if I was in your shoes. Doesn't sound like you're being demanding at all. This is all normal wedding stuff . Are they normally like this in regular life? Everyone knows what the heck you're supposed to do as a bridesmaid. Unless you're having some over-the-top wedding with crazy expenses,picking out dresses and responding is a normal expectation.

Warning: Long post lol

I can understand your feelings- and they are valid.

From a bridesmaid who was part of a large bridal party, the bride was 6 hours away so I could not make the shower (a lot of things kept changing with venue location etc.) As a bridesmaid however, we were asked to contributed to the shower which I did and offered to help with wedding day stuff and set up. (longs story short COVID ruined the big wedding and she ended up having a very small wedding which I was invited to which we traveled for)

As the bride now- I have a very large bridal party. When I first asked all 12 of them, I made it very clear to them they were not obligated to partake-I wanted them at the wedding more importantly. As we have started planning, I have continued to let them know the expectations we were asking such as purchasing the wedding dress, attending the shower, contributing to the cost of it if possible (giving advanced notice) and other things like setting up for the wedding etc.. Dresses they got to choose their style dress and how much they wanted to spend (I have 3 different colors so they were given a color and material) I am also not doing the matching jewelry for cost purposes.

I have some that live on the other side of the country so of course I would not expect them to fly out just for a weekend- but they have offered to help out in other ways in planning the shower, helping with themes, etc....

I know not everyone can help but I was honest in the beginning and said I would not have any hard feelings if they chose not to be in the bridal party.

I would suggest reaching out to your bridal party and let them know how you are feeling. I know everyone has things come up, things can't change, but they also made a commitment to help make this celebration special to you. If they feel they cant do that I would ask them to not be a part of it so everyone can still enjoy and look forward to the big day. That would seem to me personally to make it less stressful for you and hopefully friends and family can still attend and pick up the pieces that the bridal party was supposed to do. I hope this helps! Sending good vibes

View Quoted Comment I get where you are coming from.I have 3 bridesmaids .two I have known since I was 13. All I asked for was for them to find dresses/have them made.nothing else.my wedding was postponed due to Covid so you would think a whole extra year would make things easier.I have a group chat setup,only one of the three answers my follow up questions,two of the girls keep asking the same question like oh which design did you want again?which designer are we using?so basically we have a conversation,I ask for a follow up and no one has done anything.BM 3’s hands are tight cos she is in a different city so she can’t meet the designed and is waiting on the other two.I had to let one go cos she straight up told me,my wedding is not a priority to her.it hurt but it is what it is.my wedding is also in October.

View Quoted Comment It’s very scary and sad that “friends” do things like this when you need them the most. I have 7 now 2 matrons of honor , 1 maid of honor and 4 bridesmaids. SMH.
I think what’s kept me sane is that I manage people and I have literally treated this like I do with my employees, if you don’t respond I send you a message directly and ask politely but direct “if you get a chance please check out the group text and respond so we can finalize” lol with only weeks to go no one has time to be playing games. People feel you need them and then they act up. This is your day so don’t let anyone stop you from being happy. That’s my new attitude

View Quoted Comment

Yea I completely agree, some of the initial posts on here are wild, I consider myself a pretty reasonable bride in the sense that I'm doing everything to keep costs low and stress free while being mindful that other people have lives. But if I was in your shoes, I'd be upset too because it's not that hard to respond to a freaking group message.

So I just wanted to give another shout out to the OP, that you are not crazy, the people telling you that you're wrong to feel this way are the ones who are crazy. I think you made it pretty clear that this is not an isolated incident, but rather a pattern of disinterest and the bridal shower thing is just the last straw. In which case, your feelings are valid and I'd understand if you decided to drop them.

As others have said, just understand that dropping them as bridesmaids might cause you to lose the friendships.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with thus. Any time of been a bridesmaid I've always helped in anyway I could. We got our dresses no issues bridal shower/Bachelorette party we all pitched in and got it done. Now that I'm getting married I've just done everything myself it's not a big wedding but i didn't want to bother anyone. My moh has asked what I need help with but I know she's on a tight budget. I hope it all works out for you. My suggestion would be to keep the people that are there for you thru the whole process

I'm so sorry your having this issue. I had a similar situation and quickly addressed the person and removed her from my party. The issue was identified during the dress picking process. I didn't see it at first, but after looking at what all she had going on personally she had to come out. We are okay but not like we were to be and I'm fine with that.They are supposed to make this a happy time for you not stress you out. I would be relieve them of their duties since they're not doing anything anyway. I hope things turn around for you. CONGRATULATIONS fellow Bride❤

Here to update everyone, 2 bridesmaids dropped out because I added the new one. one BM didn’t like the new BM i added and the other BM was a “package deal”. turns out I just have crappy friends. & before you ask, no my bridesmaid I added didn’t do anything wrong to my other one. she hooked
up with my ex bridesmaids best friends ex boyfriend that she’s known since grade school. so there ya go. make sure you have mature bridesmaids. and or just good people as your bridesmaids.