Non-traditional, Same Sex Wedding - Jill & Jill plus a wedding shower?

I'm not super familiar with Jack and/or Jill parties since they aren't really a thing in my region, but I think if you decide to do both the party and the shower, you should have entirely separate guest lists aside from your bridal party. Just like with bridal showers, you wouldn't invite the same guests to bring you gifts at two separate pre-wedding events.

I'm going to throw in a "why not both?"

People have more than one bridal shower.

There's no reason why you guys couldn't have a Jill & Jill party with your couple friends, and her mom could still throw a bridal shower for her or her and you, and invite female family members.

I can see your dilemma here. Would the two of you prefer a Jill and Jill or does your FS want a shower? Could your MOH and FMIL co-host a Jill and Jill event? Could your FMIL or MOH host something else, like an engagement party?

So she could have a bridal shower that is mostly her side of the family and her friends. You both can have a jill & jill with your side of the family and your friends/joint friends? If anyone criss-crossed and attended both, you probably wouldn't get a gift for both though. I can see where the confusion lies because of two females. Myself personally, I'd probably just have a bridal shower for the both of you, or rather the jill & jill as you call it! I think the name is kind of void and null simply because you are both brides. It seems utterly confusing to have two separate ones, and two separate registries. I guess my confusion lies with her mother, beings that it's not a hetero relationship/union, I don't see why she still has this idea of a singular bridal shower for her daughter.

I would do the Jill and Jill, and have your fiance's mom throw her a shower. If any guest overlap happens, guests can make their own choice on how to proceed with the gifts (personally I would get a few things from the registry and split it up between the parties). To me, this is similar to brides who have multiple showers that various family members, friends, or even their jobs throw for them. This is your time to be the brides so live it up!

Why can’t your sister and FMIL just coordinate and throw a shower together?

Do just the shower

Allow your FMIL the joy of throwing the shower. She is her mother, and if that is what she wants to do then please allow that special opportunity to happen.

I lost my mother 9 years ago and I would do anything to have her here to throw a shower for my wedding.