Non- bridesmaids!

So why not just have them as bridesmaids? There's really no such thing as an unofficial bridesmaid.

I am having a destination - ish wedding. so, not having them shell out for the traditional expenses that bridesmaids normally have, they can make it across the country, is the point of a "non-bridesmaid" in my case. It is just to let them know you want them by your side during this exciting event, and they are your closest of the closest, but it is meant to be "stress free" with zero duties expected.

@emmy you are so right.

I was an "unofficial bridesmaid" and I got to do all the not *as* fun things (spend money on a dress, seal envelopes, etc) and on the day of, I acted as the DOC...but I didn't get to stand by my friend's side at the alter or go to the rehearsal dinner or be in professional photos or give a toast.

It just seemed silly and weird to have me in a bridesmaid dress (well same fabric and color, short instead of long). I was so happy to do it for my friend, but I wish she would've just asked for my help instead of giving me some made up position (but I appreciate her trying to make me feel special).

I am keeping my bridesmaid list down to 2. I feel like it would get complicated for me after that. There are women who are special to me that I would like to be more involved than just guest. I'm thinking about calling them my Precious Angels, a play off Charle's Angels.

Interesting. not my jam, cutesy poems aren't high on my list of things that are a good idea, and the potty part kind of makes me feel like a toddler. But if it works for you.

ETA: Precious Angels...really? no please don't.

First of all, your letter is super cute.

However, it kind of sounds like a BM proposal. You need to make it clear that they are important and you want them to be there, but that you are not having BMs. It's close, but not super clear on that point

I agree. seems silly to have some unofficial and some actual "bridesmaids". whats the point? lol

In my case.... zero bridesmaids. Makes it easier on my part as the bride too. stress free for me! (hopefully)

** anyone know how to change your wedding date on this site?** thanks

Why is your date different then the one listed on wedding wire?

I think its great! I know people can get their feelings hurt for not being a bridesmaid so I think its a great way to let them know kinda IF i were to have bridesmaids it would be you but I'm not so please help me celebrate. I have been an honorary bridesmaid before, so I came to help her get ready but didnt have to buy a dress or stand up there but I was in pictures and at the rehearsal. It was nice because I didn't have to pay all the expenses you're talking about but I could still help her celebrate and calm her nerves before the ceremony!

Honestly they sound like bridesmaids. Bridesmaid can mean whatever you want it to mean. Will they stand beside you at the alter? Will these people be different from regular guests or are all guests getting this message? Honestly it just sounds like you want low key bridesmaids. I have seen weddings where bridesmaids do their own hair, picked their own dresses (or wore a favourite they already owned) and that was about it! However if you are looking to these people to help you with pre wedding stuff and stuff at the wedding (like holding your dress while you pee and standing beside you at the alter) I vote just calling them bridesmaids. Even if they don't do anything leading up to the day I would still call them bridesmaids. That said your call. I would just be SUPER confused if I were one of them.

Good to know! thanks ladies

I think that letter is a bad idea. It points out that they will not be bridesmaids. It's rubbing it in their face. I'd be hurt to get a letter like that.

Just ask them if they want to join you as you get ready on your wedding day and leave it at that. If you don't ask them to be bridesmaids, they will come as guests and know that they don't have to worry about the extra things that come with being a bridesmaid.

CHANGE DATE

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My sisters are my "low key bridesmaids." Early in the planning, after FH and I decided to not have a formal wedding party, I took my sisters to lunch and we talked about it. They don't have to wear anything specific to the wedding. They did come help me dress shop and to a couple of fittings (not all) and they came to one venue open house with me. They are not having to help with invitations, or crafty things. They did do a shower for me, which was awesome. They are not expected to be at (though were invited to) my girls' night I'm having with some other friends--mostly because they are going to be busy with their own children in from out of town. They will get flowers at the wedding and walk in, but not stand up beside FH, the officiant and me. They will get gifts of appreciation, as well as my neverending love. They don't have to help with decorations, since my DOC will do all that. They have offered to help us pack up gifts and decor at the end of the wedding. It's been pretty low stress, and as far as I know, with no major expectations on my part, hopefully they have not felt put out.

and really, the hardest part for all 4 of us girls has been dealing with our mom, who has dementia...and we've pitched in (esp them) to get her clothes, get her to wedding-related events, and they'll get her to the wedding. All things that would be on our plates whether they were bridesmaids or not.

You could always just talk to them in person and let them know the plan and that you hope they can be a guest and friend at your wedding....Or a reader if you are having readings.

This letter you just put in your original post sounds just like a bridesmaid question. If I got that I would think you were asking me to be a bridesmaid.