No Wedding Shower

Do you have a favorite charity that the guests could donate to in lieu of gifts? Maybe they could each bring a card with a tip for a happy marriage or a recipe? I didn't want a shower either but got literally thrown into one. Some of these things are not about the bride... they are about everyone else that can't think of some other way to show they are happy for you. This could be a nice pre-wedding mingle for any ladies from both sides to get to know each other.

I thought about not having one; but BMs/sisters did throw me one. IDK...I loved seeing the guests & the décor was cute; but it was a lot of work for them to put on & I could have done without it.

If you are this against having one, then talk with your Mother & explain it all to her & let her know that you truly are OK not having a shower thrown for you.

First off it's not inappropriate to have a bridal shower especially when others are offering to do it for you. If you were demanding or requesting someone throw you one, yes inappropriate. I would be grateful you have people in your life who want to celebrate this special time with you. Maybe redirect it in a different direction like just going to brunch, lunch, or dinner with a few of your close family and friends with no gifts involved. I would feel your mom out and explore your options before giving her a hard no.

Go with your gut. If you don't want one don be pressured into it. If you don't want to hurt her feelings suggest a gift free engagement party with FH too. Or a family brunch.

I think you can politely and graciously talk to your mom about it. "I really appreciate that you would want to throw me a shower. I would love to spend time with you and other relatives and close friends, but I don't want any gifts. "

I agree with the charity idea! I think you can easily set up a donation page for the charity of your choice. Or another option is have everyone bring ...a recipe? a bottle of wine? a record? Things that you would add to a collection or that are consumable and experiential.

I would suggest being very clear about your expectations for gifts, otherwise you may end up with a bunch of "typical" bridal shower gifts that you don't need or want because people are unsure what to do!

Just tell her thank you but you would rather not have one. My mom and sister offered because they thought they should, but a shower wasn't my thing either so I said thanks so much but I'll pass. My mom instead jumped into doing favors and welcome bags instead for us which is incredibly appreciated and so thoughtful.

I love the charity idea! That way it goes to something good and your mom gets the pleasure of throwing you a party

If you really don't want one, say no. Just no. Don't get on a soap box about it. Just say no. Otherwise, PPs have give good suggestions for alternatives.

My mother does this too. Without even asking if I wanted an engagement party, she just went into full-party-planning mode. I had to gently remind her that I don't do big parties and offered to compromise with a small gathering.

Your mom is excited and just wants to celebrate this happy event! I would suggest sitting down with her and seeing where you could reach a happy medium. The charity idea is a really good one!

Try to think of what could make both of you happy

The charity donation is a great idea.

I felt the same way and decided to turn it into more of a 'party' (they called it jack n Jill...) and invited fi male friends and couples and his parents and brother and family for my family to meet for the first time (I'm from NY he's from FLA).

We played a lot of games centered around he and I, and gift giving wasn't the focus.

The biggest thing I've noticed with a lot of this is that there are people who will want to celebrate you and shower you just because they are happy for you and love you. So you have to let the 'I don't NEED any of this' mantra fall by the waist side and just enjoy yourself for a bit.

It really is your decision. If you don't want it, tell her no and that's the end of it. I don't understand why people find it so hard to stick to their ground. I just can't do something if I don't want to. Life's too short to do things you don't want just to please others.

I didn't want a shower, but am allowing FMIL to throw a shower for many reasons. This isn't my first wedding, I've been through all of this before. He hasn't. His family hasn't with him.

I felt like by my saying no that I would be depriving his family of this opportunity. I also love his family so I jump at any chance I get to be around or with them.

I basically told anyone who asked that if they had a shower for me, I would not show up. Seriously, the idea is that it's for you, and if you don't want it, why would anyone force it on you?

And charity donation is not the solution. The whole point of a shower is to sit around opening presents. (One of the reasons I hate them!) What are they going to do, ooh and aah over checks?

The whole point of a shower is not to sit around opening presents. Never have I been to a shower where it was solely based on that. ALL the showers I have been to where to celebrate the bride and this major life moment. Presents or no presents. A lot of the time the bride will open presents after the shower when she is at home. Guess I live in an alternate universe...

Honestly, I think you should suck it up and let your mom throw you a shower if she wants too. What will it hurt?? Someone wants to do something nice for you, let them. My mother has always dreamed of my shower and wedding, I wanted to let her have what she always looked forward too. But I am also an only child, so I know that she will not be getting the opportunity again. We had our shower last week and all I wanted was to have people come together and celebrate the love I have for FH. We made the decision to not open gifts at the shower. I could not handle that much attention, plus the individuals that were at the shower loved the idea that I took them in to consideration. They did not want to spend 45 minutes watching me open the same things they have seen so many other times.

Stick with it if you really feel uncomfortable. I didn't want one but my MOH kept asking so I said sure that's fine.

I would let her. I am not a fan and have much of the same rationale and background. That said, one of my BMs is someone who absolutely loves nothing more than to plan and throw parties. Baby showers, bridal showers, birthdays, graduations, any occasion, she simply loves to do it, and she's good at it. This is how she shows her love to people and I have seen first hand how it hurts her when someone doesn't "let" her do this. At my engagement party, she brought up the shower and I poopoo'd on it. She was upset, I could see it. It took me a couple weeks but after talking it through with FH, I decided to suck it up and let her do it. Yes, the shower is for me, yes I was forced to register when I didn't want to, but in the end it makes her happy and I value her friendship so much I will do whatever I can to make her happy.

If you don't want a shower because it makes you uncomfortable, don't have one. Tell your Mom you love her for wanting to host a shower, but you just can't.

If you don't want a shower because you don't want the gifts, but would be ok with making your Mom happy by letting her host a shower, suggest an alternative themed shower, a recipe shower, for example. Each guest brings a favorite recipe and the staples to make it. Other showers would be a wine shower, a time of day shower, a date night shower etc.

If you really don't want gifts, but are ok with your Mom hosting an event, suggest an alternative- a brunch, lunch or afternoon tea. None of these are gift giving occasions.

I definitely would not have a charity shower. Asking guests to do this would be a sure fire invitation to criticism. While I might be happy to get you a gift, I may not want to give to the charity of your choice.

I feel the same way. I just told my sister and mom I didn't want one. My mom was like "why!? You get presents" and I'm just like yeah I know, that's what makes me feel comfortable. It's just so odd. I don't understand why me deciding to get married means people have to come over and buy me stuff? It feels weird. maybe ask her to plan the rehearsal dinner instead.

I also let my mom and friends know I did not want a shower. We are buying a house next year and my mom said she would just throw me a house warming party at that time. I told her that was fine with me. She threw me an engagement party late in the game and I just did not feel comfortable with another event on top of that then the wedding. It really was not a big deal and my mom was fine with the alternative.

@Kate I love the recipe shower idea! Now that is something I would have been down for!